Is honesty always best?

I know it's not a eureka moment to realize that some songs just have dumb lyrics. Singer rhyme the most ridiculous things, say the dumbest things, etc. But this morning i heard the most ridiculous, dumb, and honestly, kind of offensive thing:

"Girl, i hope you don't take this the wrong way...but you look better with the lights off."


Ummm, OK? What lady wants to heart that...even if it's true. And what dude is dumb enough to think it's ok to say that...let alone SING it to someone?!

But honestly, am i surprised that the New Boyz thought this was a good idea? No. These dudes also think skinny jeans on brothas is a good idea. And they also feature Chris Brown in their song. Don't get me wrong, Chris is very talented -- but he's the last person anyone should call with ideas for a song on how to treat a lady or things to say to a lady.

But what do i know? Maybe the New Boyz are on to something. Maybe Honest Lyrics are the thing and we are going to start seeing all kinds of songs such as:

• I wanna love you down...for about 5 minutes and then i'm gonna watch Leno.
• Oh girl, i wanna take you home to my mama, but she still ain't gonna like ya
• Marry me, so i can get my green card
• I'm gonna ask you to go home before morning, just givin you a warning

What would you do?

I admit that i often watch that show "What Would You Do?" on ABC. James can't stand the show, yet somehow every Friday night we find ourselves watching it and laughing at it's absurdity.


If you've never seen it, the premise is simple to explain: They put hidden cameras in a place and set up situations to see how every day joes and janes react. Some situations are awkward, like a stranger asking a person walking by to hold their dog while they run into a store, and some of the situations are dangerous/uncomfortable like two actors will act like a domestic violence couple and see if any one intervenes.

And then some of the situations are just right down ridiculous and would probably never happen, yet John Quinones is obsessed with trying to convince us that they will happen. One of my favorite crazy situations was: a woman getting wasted in a bar, while she breastfeeds her baby.
Seriously?! This is very unlikely to happen. No, i'm not saying it will NEVER happen, but it's just really unlikely. Heck, most breastfeeding ladies have a hard enough time working up the courage to breastfeed in a corner in at the Starbucks inside their local Target (i would know!), let alone whipping it out at a bar WHILE they throw back some Jack and Coke. And honestly, most folks who breastfeed follow the Breast is Best philosophy, not the Brest and Rum and Coke is Best.
Seriously ABC!

I also enjoyed the scenario where two pre-teen girls were picking on an elderly man on the sidewalk. They snatched off his hat and made fun of him for using a cane and walking slow. Once again, not saying that this would never happen, and sadly there are sickos that pick on the elderly. But i highly doubt that Abigail Breslin and Willow Smith are spending their time making fun of Betty White.

Another fail John Quinones. Another Fail.

Since "What Would You Do?" seems to be on such a "roll," i'm thinking about sending in some ideas for the show:

• An interracial couple goes to a Klan meeting at in the Tennessee boondocks and starts making out during the head dragon's speech. The other Klan members start spewing racial slurs at the couple? What Would You Do? Would you intervene? Or continue listening to the speech?
  
• You see a surgeon put a bologna samich into a patient instead of an artificial heart.
  
• Your IHOP waitress pours syrup over the heads of the patrons at the next table.
  

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!

Crack (Cream) is Whack

I don't know what all goes into starting a business or selling a product, but i'm willing to bet that before you put your product on the market you probably meet with a host of knowledgeable folks to make sure everything is in order. I'm also willing to bet that among that host of folks is probably someone whose sole purpose is to approve the product name. You know, make sure it's not taken...or make sure it's not DUMB. (heck, this person could be your mama, the mailman anyone).

But apparently this dude decided to skip that person:


Yes, this dude named his product CRACK CREAM!!!

Seriously? Seriously? He couldn't think of anything better than Crack Cream. I'm so entertained/appalled by the name that i can't even listen to the commercial so i don't even know what the purpose of Crack Cream is (but i have some ideas!)

Products for WoMEN

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, i saw this ad:


Seriously?! The Shake Weight is bad enough (even though i do want one for Christmas b/c this kiddo has made my arms giant), but a shake weight for dudes?! Ladies, if your man asks for a Shake Weight, chances are he probably has a secret encounters ad posted on Craigs List -- and it ain't seeking women.

Shake Weight for men is not the only thing that's got me worried about the mindset of our men. This ad also worries me:


I'm not trying to say men can't worry about their "figures," but nothing is less sexy then a dude in a girdle.
Shake Weight for Men, Slim Ts. What's next? Midol for men?

The things we do for smaller butts

I've stopped kidding myself with the idea that i can continue getting up at 5:30 in the morning and going to the gym. I love my morning workouts, but i love sleep more. So i've opted for working out after work. It's a pain for many reasons:

1. i hate carrying my purse and my workout bag to work


2. i never bring enough water so by the time i get to gym i don't have anything to drink


3. it's so easy to say "forget it" and just drive home after work

But the worst part about working out in the afternoon is the gym itself. Not only is it crazy crowded -- i basically have to park at my house and walk to the Y -- but people are crazier in the afternoon. Two ladies almost mowed me down in the parking lot yesterday. One was on her cell phone and just pulled out in front of me (i have a strict "no cell phones while driving in the Y parking lot" rule) and the other lady looked like she was sleep and did not hit her breaks until her teen yelled "MOM." And then she glared at me. I thought about glaring back and showing her my favorite finger but then i realized we went to church together.

Sadly, all this drama is before i even got into the gym. When you walk in there are people every where. They are signing up for memberships -- blocking the little kiosk i slide my card in-- they are chasing after little kids. They are every where. And then when you get inside the actual workout room you have to wait a thousand years for a good machine. I run up to an empty elipitical only to find an "Out of Order" sign. When i finally do get on a machine, Sweaty Joe stands 2 inches behind me waiting for me to get off. I feel his eyes staring at my timer making sure i don't go over the suggested 30 minute time limit.

I'm tempted to just sit on my butt and let it expand -- but after a 10 p.m. snack of a honey bun , i know that's not the smart option. So i will suck it up and dodge cars in the parking lot, be forced to let a 5 year-old hold the door open for me, and let Sweaty Joe breathe down my neck.

But i won't like any of it.