Potluck Friday!

Happy Friday!!!! the last Friday of 2011!

So, as many of you know, last weekend James and I kept our 3 nieces (ages 8, 5, and 4). It was a magical weekend of baking cookie, watching Disney Channel (which i didn't even know i had) and making up answers to tons of questions because the true answers just didn't seem to be cutting it.
There were tons of highlights from all 3 girls, but it was my youngest nieces who truly stole the show, and it would be just wrong for me not to share some of those gems with my loyal readers.

So, out of the mouth of a 4 year-old, here is a very special Potluck Friday:

1. Along with gingerbread cookies, the girls and I also made cake balls. Strawberry cake with cream cheese icing! so as i was pulling the cake from the oven, my sweet young niece blessed me with this:
   Niece: (standing behind me) That cakes smells good!
   Aunt Re: Thank you!
   Niece: But your butt doesn't! Come here girls (calling her sisters), come smell Aunt ReRe's butt.
   Aunt Re: Let's not! That's gross.
   Niece: (she bends over and points her butt at me) Your butt is bigger than mine. see?
   Aunt Re: Thanks...i had no clue!
   
2. The girls were just so intrigued by River's diaper changes. I got questioned about why he pooped his pants, why he did it so often and just WHY! Lil Niece was the most curious.
   Niece: What's wrong with River's belly button.
   Aunt Re: (i'm mid diaper change). Nothing is wrong with his belly button.
   Niece: Uh huh. It looks funny.
   Aunt Re (i realize she's not talking about his belly button): Oh, that's not his belly button. That's his private parts.
   Niece: Why does it look like that?
   Aunt Re: Because he's a boy.
   Niece (shuttering in disgust): Ugh!
   Aunt Re: hahaha! keep that attitude for as long as possible!
   
3. Lil Niece's curiosity with Riv's bathroom behavior did not stop there. While i was finishing the cake balls in the kitchen -- because the girls abandoned me when they realized that the dipping part sounded funner than it actually is -- i heard Uncle "Bames" having the strangest conversation.
   Uncle Bames: Poop is not a toy. Bring that poop back here.
   
   Before i knew it, Lil Niece was beside me in the kitchen, swinging around a walmart bag with a poopy diaper. You would have thought she had a bag full of money. she was so dang excited. So excited that she sang me a song.
   Niece: I got the poop! I got the poop! I got the poop! (she sang this several times while twirling the bag with joy....it's the little things!)
   
4. I don't know who she was proclaiming this to, but as Lil Niece was walking through the house, i heard her say (to no one in particular): Boogers are sticky like glue!
   

Yes, This is very (T)Painful

Pretty sure this is the most disturbing toy on the market:



Seriously?! I don't even want to hear T Pain himself let alone a group of kids who sound like him. This is my official call to all rappers: Please put T Pain on your next release so he can stop selling toys at Target.

What's next? Akon inspired STD testing kit. 50 Cent surgery kit so you can take care of your own gun shot wounds. Lil Wayne grill kit....i'd totally buy anything Weezy inspired for River!

Another adventure in parenting

Yesterday i spread a blanket on the floor for Riv so we could have some fun with blocks. He chewed on the blocks and threw them at the dogs while i tried to turn our play time into some learning time.
I'd hold up a letter block and tell him what the letter was and a word that started with that letter.

"B is for Baby!"

"E is for Egg!"

Then i got to N and for some reason the first word that popped in my head was Negro.

So there i sat, holding up a wood block with a green N and said "N is for Negro."

River cracked up!

A couple of hours later i noticed James was playing the same game.

He held up a block with an F on it, paused, and said "F is for Funky Fresh."

So just our luck someone is gonna ask Riv his name and he's going to say "Funky Fresh Negro."

There is a reason why James and I have never been invited as guest stars on Sesame Street!

This little piggy went to, um, um...

I'm not going to pretend that James and I are super parents, but i'll admit that we are pretty good ones! Maybe we are just naturals, OR (and i think it's this one) maybe we just lucked out and got an easy going kiddos that just makes us look good. Either way, i'm not complaining.

BUT i will admit there is one area that James and I are lacking in: nursery rhymes.

We have no idea the words to most nursery rhymes and kid songs. I sing "You are my sunshine" because i best know the words to that -- but it was until recently that i realized i was singing it in the wrong tune.

I mostly sing Top 40 to River -- edited versions of course. And James sings what ever pops into his head. The other day he was singing him the theme song to "Two and a Half Men." and yes, that song only has two words.

So i admit that we struggle in this area, but i didn't realize until this morning that James' struggle was much worse than mine until he asked me this:

"What did the first little piggy do again?"

Apparently James forgot that the first piggy went to the market! He's been telling River that the piggy went to the mall or to town -- depending on the day.

ReRe: How do you not know the words to "This little piggy?!"

James: Flog me, pull me out in the streets and flog me and tell the world that i don't know the words to "This little piggy."

Well, i'm telling the world -- the flogging will come later.

Youth today

So last week while presenting to some 3rd graders about not using tobacco products, i learned some interesting things such as: i'm glad i'm not a 3rd grade teacher (i give it up to you teachers, i don't have that kind of patience), i have the same taste in music and boys as 3rd graders (they love the Bieber too), and -- and this is the most important one -- "YOU GET A CELL PHONE BY 3RD GRADE."

Yes, that's an actual quote from one of the kiddos, and all her classmates agreed.
Say What???!!! So in 9 years River gets his own cell phone plan?

this little tidbit of info was shocking to me, especially considering that I didn't get a cell phone until i was a junior or senior in high school, and when i was in 3rd grade, the only folks i knew with cell phones were Zac Morris and a family friend named Ricky (who i'm pretty sure had shady business going on).

Part of me can see wanting your kiddo to have a cell phone so they can check in with you etc. But another part of me wonders who the heck are 3rd graders talking to enough to warrant a $40+ a month phone bill. AND what could they possibly be talking about?!

I don't know why i should be surprised though. I know 3 year-olds with iPods ( i don't even have an iPod. and i still use a VCR).

I guess the lesson i learned is that i'm way behind the times and i need to get cooler pretty soon so i don't become one of "those" embarrassing moms!

Sweet Besus! The best blast from the past!

If you are a child of the late 80s, early 90s, you will wet your pants when you see what's coming soon to a theater near you: OREGON TRAIL -- THE MOVIE!!!

Don't tell me you don't remember that high you would get when you popped that floppy disk in and played Oregon Trail. Remember the tears you got when you learned all of your family members died -- but 5 seconds later you opted to hunt instead of bury them. Oh, those were the days. Move over Mario Kart and Call of Duty. You ain't got nothing on some Oregon Trail.

Potluck Friday

Never thought this day would get here!

1. First my apologies for the lack of blogs this week. Of course James made me feel guilty every day with "Why haven't you posted?" and "You really have been slacking this week." Well folks, i have no excuse. Well, yes i do. I've been going in at 7 a.m. every day and trust me when i say you don't want to read what's on my mind that early in the morning. It ain't funny or family-friendly! But i feel refreshed today and can't end the week without a potluck!
   
   
2. Words are not enough for the joy i have now that Jersey Shore is back on! My life is now complete: Big Brother and Jersey Shore!!! Some folks are embarrassed to admit they love these shows -- but not me!
   
   
3. I've been at a summer camp program for pre-teen girls all week. They learning about all kinds of stuff -- staying away from drugs, healthy relationships and apparently how big your ankles get when you are knocked up. Earlier this week one of the campers decided to tell me the obvious:
   Camper (in country-boony twang): OMG! Your ankles are so swollen.
   ReRe (amused, annoyed and a little offended): Yes, yes they are . I'm 7 months pregnant.
   Camper: Are they supposed to get that BIG?
   ReRe (once again amused, annoyed and little offended): Yes. It's normal.
   
   Then the camper proceeds to go up to the other camp instructors (who are also pregnant) and point out that their ankles are no where near as big as mine are. I wanted to point out that their pre-pregnancy a$$es were no where near as big as mine either, but i just smiled.
   
   
4. Today is the first day of the third-trimester -- 12 more weeks to go. Some days it feels like pregnancy is flying by, and some days (when it's 90+ degrees) it feels like it will never end. I'm officially nesting. The crib is up, the changing table and dresser will go up tonight. I will soon start packing my bag so it will be ready. I told James that his next duty would be clearing out some cabinet space in the kitchen so we'll have a spot for bottles and all the other baby stuff babies apparently need. James' reply:
   He's not kosher. We just just stack his stuff on top of our.
   
   Ok then!
   
   
5. In honor of the return of Jersey Shore, and because i love this song, my jam of the week is Enrique Iglesias' "I Like It" featuring PitBull.
   

Chuck E. Cheese no longer pleases

Went to Chuck E. Cheese yesterday for my niece's birthday and all i can say is the kids today are missing out.

Now, little ReRe didn't have many trips to Chuck E. Cheese, BUT i went enough to get the experience, the experience of freaky animatronics dancing and singing (I preferred Showbiz). I was kind of scared and excited to relive this last night, but apparently the recession has impacted animatronics and instead the kids watch a performance on TV. What the heck?! That's ridiculous.

Of course the kids didn't know any better, and thought this was da bomb, but of course i had to burst their bubbles.

One little girl was losing her mind, screaming with excitement: "It's Chuck E! It's Chuck E." and pointing to the screen.

I leaned in and said:

"If you think this is cool, you should have saw it in the 80s!"

Thank heaven for little girls...

First let me say that we are safe. Tornadoes hit pretty close to us, but they missed our area by a several miles.

So how did i spend my night of storms? Huddled in my bathroom? In my closet with a radio? Holding on to a light post outside? None of the above. I was at the hospital with Lil Bro. For a couple of hours, Lil Bro, his girlfriend (who i was kind to -- even though it's hard) and I were huddled in a dark hallway on the 4th floor of Norman Regional Hospital. Lil Bro was the youngest patient on that floor by 70 years and the only one who was not in a hospital bed (he was in a gown, hooked to an IV).

Why was Lil Bro in the hospital you ask? Well, lets just say that when you don't know how to walk away from a fight, you risk the chance of getting your jaw broken in to places. Yes, Lil Bro and a former-friend decided to play Fight Club on Saturday and for two days Lil Bro was walking around with a broken jaw.

He is still awaiting surgery (it was supposed to happen yesterday, but the storms and injured folks pushed him and his jaw to the back of the line). Lil Bro's incident is just another reason why i'm beginning to hope that Pumpkin Seed is a girl. Boys are rough. My mama, bless her soul, raised two of them. And i can honestly say they had WAY more bumps and boo-boos than i ever did.

Here are a few things i WON'T be dealing with if I have a girl (*note: all of these actually happened to Middle Bro, Lil Bro or both):

• Getting a call from school because tiny privates were accidentally zipped up.
• Getting bit by a mysterious bug. Beating it to death -- so badly that to this day the type of bug has never been identified.
• Breaking a toe just months after learning to walk -- and then taking only 5 minutes to learn how to hobble around in a tiny dinosaur cast.
• Setting a couch on fire.
• Setting a bunk bed on fire.
• Setting your big sister's room on fire.
• Putting the pomeranian in the dryer.
• Feeding the fish dryer lint
• nearly poking an eye out while trying to cut off your eyelashes (lashes your sister would kill for).
• Taking a pair of clippers to your own 3 year-old head. cutting so far down that the hair still does not completely grow there.
• Trying to jump over your little brother with your bike, but landing on him instead (leaving Lil Bro with a tire-track scar across his belly).
• Getting in trouble for throwing black cats at your 2nd grade teacher.
• Eating a spider -- another fun trip to the ER
• Piercing your ear with a vice grip and a needle

I'm sure there are tons more things these boys did over the years, but i've either forgot them or blocked them out (and this list does not even include the teen years).

The things we do for smaller butts

I've stopped kidding myself with the idea that i can continue getting up at 5:30 in the morning and going to the gym. I love my morning workouts, but i love sleep more. So i've opted for working out after work. It's a pain for many reasons:

1. i hate carrying my purse and my workout bag to work


2. i never bring enough water so by the time i get to gym i don't have anything to drink


3. it's so easy to say "forget it" and just drive home after work

But the worst part about working out in the afternoon is the gym itself. Not only is it crazy crowded -- i basically have to park at my house and walk to the Y -- but people are crazier in the afternoon. Two ladies almost mowed me down in the parking lot yesterday. One was on her cell phone and just pulled out in front of me (i have a strict "no cell phones while driving in the Y parking lot" rule) and the other lady looked like she was sleep and did not hit her breaks until her teen yelled "MOM." And then she glared at me. I thought about glaring back and showing her my favorite finger but then i realized we went to church together.

Sadly, all this drama is before i even got into the gym. When you walk in there are people every where. They are signing up for memberships -- blocking the little kiosk i slide my card in-- they are chasing after little kids. They are every where. And then when you get inside the actual workout room you have to wait a thousand years for a good machine. I run up to an empty elipitical only to find an "Out of Order" sign. When i finally do get on a machine, Sweaty Joe stands 2 inches behind me waiting for me to get off. I feel his eyes staring at my timer making sure i don't go over the suggested 30 minute time limit.

I'm tempted to just sit on my butt and let it expand -- but after a 10 p.m. snack of a honey bun , i know that's not the smart option. So i will suck it up and dodge cars in the parking lot, be forced to let a 5 year-old hold the door open for me, and let Sweaty Joe breathe down my neck.

But i won't like any of it.