There's a white girl trapped inside me

Folks who know me well, know that there's not a creative bone in my body. I don't sew, paint, craft, do beadery, etc. There's a reason why God blessed me with a boy....he knows i'd lose my mind if i had to coordinate outfits with big headband bows! It just ain't my thang.

BUT motherhood has given me crafty impulses hear and there. I bought one of those icing bags so i could make homemade cupcakes for River's first birthday party. and i even painted him a shirt that said "BIRTHDAY BOY" with a giant pumpkin on the front. So yeah, i've had my moments. And i had another one of them this weekend.

Riv and i got crafty and made some very special Christmas ornaments for his PaPa and Grandmas. I'll admit that I was pretty darn proud of myself! Riv was proud of his mama too, so proud that "he" sent a text to Ms. T to tell her that his mama got crafty:

Riv: Look what my mama made!

Ms. T: Wow!

Riv: I know! Can you believe SHE got crafty?!

Ms. T: That's crazy. I knew there was a white girl trapped inside of her!

Riv: Next stop Pinterest!

No promises on the Pinterest thing! I don't know if my crafty flag is ready to fly quite that high. I think if Pinterest had a whole bunch of black folks on there it would be filled with recipes for collard greens (with and without neckbones), 101 ways to braid and bead your kid's hair and step-by-step directions on how to put your light bill in your 10 year-old's name....this was "crafting" was in my house!

Ghetto talk, by James

One of the many reasons i love James is because he embraces his goof-ballness. He's the ultimate white guy (not Weird Al white, but close) and isn't afraid to show it in a variety of ways.

For example, recently he displayed his ultra whiteness with some little Eminem-inspired riddles for me.

James: Baby.
ReRe: What.
James: Where does Eminem go on vacation?
ReRe: ( i knew the answer, but i let him humor me) Where?
James: To the Be-atch!
ReRe: Yeah...i've heard that one.
James: Who's Eminem's favorite cast member of Saved by the Bell?
ReRe: Huh?
James: Scree-actch!
ReRe: (i think i wet my pants laughing)
James: Who's Eminem's favorite member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
ReRe: ( i can't name any members, so i was stumped)
James: Flee-atch!

It went on and on...so much so that i think we were late for work. The best one by far was this gem:

James: What does Eminem brush his teeth with since he doesn't have a flip top mouth?

RE-ATCH!

Now that was a pants wetter!

Doesn't get whiter than that!

so it's snowing all over -- except in Oklahoma (thank God!).
One of my best friends lives in Maine, so you can imagine what she is dealing with this winter. It's a full blown blizzard. There's only one way to explain it:

"It's whiter than a Glenn Beck rally out there."

Yes, this was a status update used to describe the Maine weather! I almost wet my pants when i read it.

It made me think of some others:

• "It's whiter than a John Mayer concert out there."


• "It's whiter than the audience watching Sarah Palin's Alaska."


• "It's whiter than the dinner crowd at Denny's."


• "It's whiter than a Black Friday line outside a Toys 'R' Us."

I thought black folks just said that!

Yesterday, while enjoying a can of mixed nuts with my hubby, i grabbed a Brazil nut...and learned something new about white folks:

ReRe: You know this is called a nigga toe, don't cha?

James: Yea.

ReRe: (i was really shocked. I thought black folks were the only ones who called Brazil nuts this) Really? You grew up calling them nigga toes?

James: (kind of quiet) Well, we didn't say "nigga."

ReRe: OMG!!! James! I'm so blogging that tomorrow.

James: Baby! No! You are gonna have folks trying to kill me.

ReRe: No one will kill you, we'll blame it on your family!

Speaking of the fabulous Brazil nut. I went years before i figured out that the "N word" was actually a reference to black folks. The only context i'd ever heard it in was referring to Brazil Nuts (until one day a kid at daycare sang an inappropriate Christmas jingle with it in it, but that's another blog). One day while shopping at Buy For Less, i saw a beautiful display of Brazil Nuts. I ran over to them and started yelling: "Mom, mom! Look at all these nigga toes! We need to get us some nigga toes!"

My mom ran over so fast to cover my mouth. And that's when i learned that in public Brazil nuts are "Brazil Nuts."