Potluck Friday

Happy Potluck Friday!!!

1. When i returned from the gym this morning i found James and River washing dog #2. I was surprised why this would be going on at 7 a.m. Well, apparently in what James describes as "sleep nagging" i tore him a new one last night about only washing one dog, so he set his alarm to get him and wash the other dog. At first i felt bad, but then it hit me: He doesn't listen to me when i'm "nagging" him when i'm awake, so why the heck would he listen to my sleep nagging?! I feel no guilt Mr. James! No guilt! Ladies, clearly sleep nagging is the way to get stuff done!
   
2. Am i the only one who finds it odd and ironic that JC Penney is have a sheets sale in celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Seriously JCP?! Don't stop there, go ahead and offer deeper discounts on white sheets!
   
3. Today is a sad day for me. I will be spending my lunch break watching the last episode of One Life to Live. Those who know me well, know how seriously sad I am. I'm mad at ABC
   :( they should know by the tragedy that is the "The Chew" that canceling my stories to replace them with even worse shows is not a good idea. But what do i know? I'm just a chick who's been watching OLTL (that's what the cool kids call it) since the womb. I guess i can retire my VCR since i will have no need to tape anything again.
   
4. According to a commercial i saw the other day Golden Corral has a chocolate fountain. So now buffet eaters can dip bananas, strawberries and dried out chicken in chocolate! I think this is a terrible idea and screams health scare. I mean, once i saw a kid groping the peaches at Golden Corral. This kid was elbow deep in the peach bowl just squeezing them. I went and found a worker and told her. She glanced over and of course the kid was gone and she said "I don't see anyone." Oh yeah lady, i forgot: if you don't see a kid groping the peaches, it didn't happen. Reason #4,593 buffets are icky.
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? Adele, duh! Who's NOT jamming some Adele. Big Girls Represent. The song "Someone Like You" gives me chill. This girl can SANG!
   

There's a white girl trapped inside me

Folks who know me well, know that there's not a creative bone in my body. I don't sew, paint, craft, do beadery, etc. There's a reason why God blessed me with a boy....he knows i'd lose my mind if i had to coordinate outfits with big headband bows! It just ain't my thang.

BUT motherhood has given me crafty impulses hear and there. I bought one of those icing bags so i could make homemade cupcakes for River's first birthday party. and i even painted him a shirt that said "BIRTHDAY BOY" with a giant pumpkin on the front. So yeah, i've had my moments. And i had another one of them this weekend.

Riv and i got crafty and made some very special Christmas ornaments for his PaPa and Grandmas. I'll admit that I was pretty darn proud of myself! Riv was proud of his mama too, so proud that "he" sent a text to Ms. T to tell her that his mama got crafty:

Riv: Look what my mama made!

Ms. T: Wow!

Riv: I know! Can you believe SHE got crafty?!

Ms. T: That's crazy. I knew there was a white girl trapped inside of her!

Riv: Next stop Pinterest!

No promises on the Pinterest thing! I don't know if my crafty flag is ready to fly quite that high. I think if Pinterest had a whole bunch of black folks on there it would be filled with recipes for collard greens (with and without neckbones), 101 ways to braid and bead your kid's hair and step-by-step directions on how to put your light bill in your 10 year-old's name....this was "crafting" was in my house!

I'm dreaming of a black christmas

I'm going to my first Ugly Christmas Sweater Party...and i don't have anything to wear.

I've been told i can find an ugly Christmas sweater at a thrift store. but i'm too cheap for that. Yes, i'm two cheap to throw down $2-$5 on a sweater! Why? Because i can't grasp the idea of buying something that i wont' wear again for another 30 years. I figure if it's taken me 30 years to get invited to one of these, it will probably take me another 30 years to find an occasion to wear my sweater to again.

I'd never even heard of Ugly Christmas Sweater parties until a few years ago when i stumbled across the blog Stuff White People Like (love that blog!). It talked about along with hummus and political bumper stickers, white folks love them some Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties. I don't know if this is true or not (I personally love me some hummus), but i can attest that i don't know any brothas or sistas who have ever attended or thrown one of these.

This got me to thinking what are some other holiday differences between black folks and white folks. Of course i can only based this off my life as little black ReRe during Christmas (and some of the other info i've gathered at the black folk meetings):

• Black folks don't put lights on their house. It's not because we don't have the christmas cheer, but it's just a lot of work and for what? to draw attention to your house "hey OG&E, we found a way to bootleg electricity." "Hey car repo man...we are over here!." No thanks!
  
• Black kids don't leave out cookies for Santa. I "believed" in Santa in the sense that i thought he was magical and special...but i also knew he didn't come to our house and we weren't going to let some perfectly good Hydrox cookies (generic oreos) sit out all night long.
  
• We don't stuff stockings. I remember just drooling over the big tacky stockings in the grocery stores. the ones filled with just crap and wrapped in that weird mesh stuff. I'd beg and beg for one. My mama made it very clear that that stocking was a gift in its self, so i could have that big stocking full of crap, or my gift under the tree...my choice. The stocking became less appealing.
  
• Black folks put up their tree right before Christmas (sometimes day of) and take it down right before the 4th of July (or leave it up all year long). Again, it's just a lot of work to drag the sucker out and then put it back up. I used to envy all my friends who would have their trees up right after turkey day...and then i'd be embarrassed that our tree was still up during spring break.

I bet if River could read, he'd be happy to know that only half of these things are going to apply to him!

No meat? that just ain't right, suga!

I am convinced that black folks -- especially older black folks -- don't understand the concept of vegetarianism (i'm sure there are plenty of other folks who don't, but this is my blog, i'm black, so i'm talking about my peeps).

I of course an exception to this observation because being married to a skinny, white vegetarian for the last 6.5 years has opened my eyes. But again...i am an exception.

So how did i draw this conclusion that brothas and sistas don't understand the concept of not eating meat?

Well, it didn't just happened over night; i've observed many evidential incidences:

1. My mama used to always make James chicken, or things with chicken broth because "i know he doesn't eat meat." apparently to my mama, meat was only beef and pork.
   
   
2. My family reunion came to a silent halt in 2006 when one of my aunties loudly said "He can't eat the greens cus they have ham hocks in 'em?! What does he put in his greens then." This was a double whammy: i had to tell her that James doesn't eat greens.
   
   
3. My baby bro always refers to ground turkey (my preference), as "fake meat" and he thinks i make it because James is a vegetarian. He is his mama's child.
   

I got more evidence recently when i called my Southern daddy to ask him how to make gumbo with the fresh okra i recently acquired. Now, daddy knows James is a vegetarian. We recently spent a week in Virginia with him where he regularly offered James crab legs and ribs, and then caught himself. But i guess daddy didn't fully realize what a vegetarian is...or maybe he didn't think James was committed. That's the only think i can gather from this conversation:

Me: Hi daddy! i got some fresh okra and i want to make some gumbo, but don't know how.
Daddy: Hey sweet heart. It's easy! First you boil you down a chicken. get it tender and use that broth as your base.
Me: Well, i'm not going to use any meat because i want James to eat it.
Daddy ( i can tell he's confused): Oh, this is going to be hard then. Ok. instead of boiling some chicken, just get some chicken broth. Cook that up with some onions..
Me: Ok, i'll get some vegetable broth.
Daddy: Why not chicken?
Me: Because I want James to eat it too.
Daddy: He can't even it chicken broth?
Me: No, because it's still meat...just meat juice.
Daddy: Ok, well, i guess you can use the other broth...but i don't know how it will taste. Ok. So then throw in some onions and some sausage in your broth.
Me: Ok, i'll definitely throw in the onions. No sausage though. What other veggies do you put in besides the onions and okra?
Daddy: No sausage in gumbo?
Me: No daddy, sausage is meat.
Daddy: So yo aren't going to put in any shrimps probably?
Me: No, no shrimp, chicken, sausage or any other kind of meat.
Daddy: Well, i don't know how to tell you to make gumbo then.

I saw that this could go on and on, so i told him to start from the top -- sausage, chicken broth and all -- and i would edit the recipe myself.

The gumbo was Ok....it needed some meat!

James: The Black People Whisperer

It should be no surprise that after 8 years together, James has become well-versed in the world of black folks and black women. He knows to not ever splash my hair when we are swimming (heck, he knows to never touch my hair), he knows what ashy means, and he knows his vegetarian self should avoid all vegetables at my family reunions -- because there's a good chance there's a hamhock or some other piece of animal in it.

Knowing all of this about my husband, i still got a kick of him sharing his black folk knowledge in the last week through two interesting conversations.

Black Fact #1: Black Don't Crack

James: I met pretty cool guy at work today. We are going to hang out.
ReRe: Cool. How old is he.
James: Oh, i don't know. Maybe my age, maybe yours. He's a black guy and you can't ever tell how old black folks are cus black don't crack.
ReRe: True!

Black Fact #2: Black Folks eat Greens...not spinach

James and i recently spent a week in Westpointe, Virginia visiting my dad and step-mom. We had so much fun. I stuffed myself on southern food and sea food. James mostly ate cheerios and spaghetti. When we got back we went to visit James' mom to tel her about our trip and let River visit Grandma. I don't know how the subject of greens came up, but t was awesome hearing James try to explain what they were:

"Like salad?"
"No, greens, collard greens."
"Do you eat them cold."
"No, they are hot, usually with some pig fat in them."

This went back and forth, until finally I did the ultimate no-no -- comparing greens to their arch nemesis:

"They are like spinach, kind of. The black people version of spinach."

If Popeye was a brotha, he'd eat greens.

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!

1. So i had every intention of getting up and watching the Royal Wedding. But clearly i don't know anything about time differences (besides East Coast is one hour ahead of me and West Coast is 2 hours behind me) so i when i got up at 6 a.m. i was so freaking confused that the wedding was over. My first thought was "who the heck gets married this freaking early in the morning?!" But apparently England's time is WAYYY different! Oh well, i've seen the highlights: Katie's dress was amazing and she looked gorgeous.
   
   Some of my thoughts on the event: Why is she now being called Princess "Katherine?" Yesterday it was fine to call her Kate or Katie, but now she's Katherine? Did she have to sign some kinda deal with the queen that she'd never go by the common name of Kate or Katie again? I still go by Princess ReRe. Another thing i noticed are all the big ugly hats the ladies (even the reporters covering the wedding) are sporting. Is that some kind of English wedding law? And if it is, those Brits need to get some lessons from some of my kin folks cus old British ladies WISH they could pull off a hat like a little old black church lady
   
   
2. James works with the elderly. And if you know one thing about the elderly it's that they just say what's on their mind. If you are fat, they are gonna tell ya. If they don't like ya, they are gonna tell ya. If they don't like Mexicans, they are gonna tell ya. So recently he was working with an elderly man. James pulled out his phone to read some notes and the man saw a pic of River and asked whose baby that was. James said it was his son and showed him a picture of both River and me. About 40 minutes later, the patient asked "It don't bother you being married to a black woman?" James asked him why it would bother him, but the patient just sputtered and said "i don't know" and changed the subject. I personally think James should have had a better response. Maybe something like:
   
   --Yes, it annoys the crap out of me. I've been waiting for the antifreeze to work for 6 years
   --She's BLACK?!
   --That's not a woman, that's a man. I love me some brothas.
   
   I can't wait until i'm old and can just say whatever the crap i want.
   
   
3. Speaking of old people who think they can say whatever the heck they want. Oklahoma's Sally Kern is at it again. I don't know why folks are acting like it's news that old Sally has said something dumb. This is the same woman who said the dudes from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and Neil Patrick Harris were bigger threats than Osama Bin Laden. Clearly she has never watched anything on Bravo! If she had, she'd realize we need MORE Andy Cohens in our life and less...um...Sally Kerns. Her recent diarrhea of the mouth was a comment talking about how women and blacks don't work hard. Well booyah Sally, i'm black AND a woman, and i'm one of the hardest working folks i know. So put that in your denture cream and suck it!
   
   
4. Graduation count down is here! In about 2 weeks, yours truly will be honored with her Master's in Public Administration (emphasis in Nonprofit Management) -- well, as long as i get through this next week of papers! I'm so excited!
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? It's "Down On Me" by Jeremih and 50 Cent.
   

Yes Mr. Officer, I'm this dumb!

A BIG Thank you to the Norman Police officer who pulled me over at 6:30 this morning. I'm not being a smart butt, i'm REALLY thanking him! Not only did he just give me a warning to slow down and turn my lights on (i'll explain more in a minute), he didn't even ask for my license -- which is a good thing because i didn't have it on me. Starting tomorrow I will be taking my license to the gym with me. I guess i just assumed that getting up at the butt crack of dawn made me exempt from carrying the proper documents.

It's funny, because i had a feeling on my way to the gym that i was going to be pulled over this morning. Maybe it's the ESP that i get now and then, or maybe it was the sheriff riding my rear-end all the way to the gym and then speeding by me. When he passed me i thought my ESP was broken. But i guess not.

So after killing my legs and arms in class, apparently i was flying down Porter. I see the lights in my mirror and of course i knew they were for me, but i slid over to the right lane in hopes that he's pass me and go after the invisible car up ahead. But nope, he got me. He barely even came up to the window. You would have thought i was a maffia member or some gangster (in my mini-vanish looking SUV with the carseat base in the back). He kind of stood far back and kinda shouted "You are driving way too fast, and you don't have taillights on." I could barely see his face because of the flashlight and he was standing 3 feet away from my car. I shouted back "I'm sorry. Really? No lights?"

He then came closer and looked in, but still kept his distance. I looked down and flicked my lights on -- lights that for the last year i thought automatically came on. NOPE.

"My bad! I thought these were just if i wanted interior lights!" I'm not kidding! I've always thought the lights came on by themselves and if i wanted to light the dash, i had to turn the knob. Yes ladies and gents, i'm college educated!

He gave me that i-can't-believe-you-have-a-license look and told me to slow down and keep my lights on when it's dark. And then he hopped in his car.

I think this goes down in history as the best experience a black person has ever had with a member of law enforcement!

Potluck Friday

This week has flown by...and i don't know if that's good or bad.

1. THIS JUST IN: Fort Worth, Texas police do racial profiling and there's an unequal amount of black and mexican folks in jail for "stupid offenses" than white folks. This also just in: Ricky Martin is a gay. I've actually known both of these items to be true. But one of my dear girlfriends didn't. And when she and her hubby (who are both white -- cover of a J. Crew magazine white) found themselves in the Fort Worth jail for nearly 24 hours after being pulled over after a NASCAR event this past weekend, she informed me of this information! She never realized that there are really some shady po-pos out there (there are some great ones too, don't get me wrong). Her exact words: "ReRe, if i were you i'd be scared to go out at night. I'm serious." Unfortunately, staying inside for the past 29 years has not been an option. So how do i keep my butt out of jail? I don't go to NASCAR! hahaha. If this was seriously a way to stay out of jail, there'd be no black folks in the system.
   
   
2. I have a lot of sleep deprived mommy friends who often struggle when they go back to work because they can barely keep their eyes open. But i think i have the perfect job for them: Air Traffic Controller. I mean seriously, I wish someone paid me to sleep. I think today we should all test that out at work. Instead of writing the tons of assessments that have collected on my desk, i'm gonna prop my feet up and doze away. Instead of making my some important calls, i'm going to throw on my snuggie and get my sleep on. I work in nonprofit, so it's wayyyy cheaper to pay me to sleep than it is to pay an air traffic controller. I'm just sayin'!
   
   
3. Should i be disturbed that earlier this week while i was addressing baby shower invites, James brought me one of River's dirty diapers because "You HAVE to see this, it's HUGE!"? Sadly, i'm not disturbed. I'm actually glad that the days of being impressed with his own...um.. accomplishments are gone (hopefully) and River's crafty work has taken their place.
   
   
4. Sad news: One Life to Live has been canceled. If you know me well, you know that i love my stories. And my favorite one is One Life to Live. I actually had 3 friends call or email me to see if i'd heard the news. I had. I'm devastated. I try to go home every day for lunch to watch OLTL (this is how the cool kids refer to it). If i can't make it home, i tape it. Yes. I said TAPE. I don't know what ABC is thinking. You allowed the travesty that was the Grey's Anatomy musical, but you aren't going to let me see how Jessica does with her split personality disorder, if Todd wakes up from his coma, if John ever finds out that Marty changed the paternity results and he really is Natalie's baby daddy or if Rex and GiGi ever get married? Darn you ABC. This is NOT winning. NOT WINNING AT ALL.
   
   
5. What's Re jamming this week? My girl J.Lo! I've always been a J.Lo fan. She's a Fly Girl, how can you not like a Fly Girl! And i love her song "On the Floor."
   

People with 662 area codes are nuts, here is the proof!

I don't even know where to begin!

On our way home from church and errands yesterday, my phone rang. It was an area code and number i didn't recognize. For a split second i thought it was Sallie Mae trying to get sneaky and call from another line -- but that's a whole nother blog. Anywhoo, i answered it. And then this post was born:

ReRe: Hello
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Pam?! Pam, is this you? How you doing girl.
ReRe: This isn't Pam, you have the wrong number.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Do you know Pam?
ReRe: No, i don't.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Well, someone called me from this number. From a 405 number. Do you know anyone with a a 405 number.
ReRe: Yes, i know myself. But i didn't call you. I think you must have misdialed.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Well, look at that. I'm trying to find Pam, but i ended up finding a new friend. Who needs a dating service when you can just dial. So, you wanna be my friend.
ReRe (fining it hard not to laugh. i put him on speaker phone so James can hear the funniness): I already have a friend. I'm married.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Come on. We can be friends. I'm a millionaire.
ReRe: Well, that's nice. But i'm taken.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Do you have a picture phone? Can you get pictures on your phone? I can send you pictures of my house. I'm a millionaire.
ReRe (took me a while to figure out what a picture phone was): Nope, can't get pictures on my phone. So don't send anything. Good luck finding Pam.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: I don't need Pam. I found you.
ReRe: Well, that's too bad. I'm taken.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: Come on. I need a white girl.
(Finally, my way out!) ReRe: Well, i'm a black girl.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: No you're not.
ReRe: I promise you, yes i am.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: But you sound white.
ReRe: It's called proper English. But yes, i'm black.
Charlie Sheen's black twin: ok. bye. (hangs up)

thank god 8 years ago when james prank called me he was looking for a black girl!

Who's your baby daddy/mama?

James is a very proud daddy and loves showing his co-workers and patients pictures of his baby boy. Of course with James' blue eyes, sandy hair and Snow White skin tone, he always gets asked -- in a polite way -- what River has in him. Folks guess Indian a lot.

The funniest exchange happened Friday when James showed a picture of River to one of his co-workers who is a black lady.

Co-Worker:(leaning in close) Let me ask you something.

James: Ok.

Co-Worker: Is your wife black?

James: Yes.

Co-Worker: Good, because i can tell when a baby is black and that baby is black. I was gonna tell you that if your wife isn't black, that baby's daddy is!

James has decided that if he is asked that question again he's going to say that his wife is a pale, redheaded lady. I told him to throw in that her best friend since childhood is a big black dude that hangs around all the time!

False Advertising

I know you can't believe everything you see on TV and commercials are not real, but come on, advertisers could at least TRY to be realistic.
I saw a Tidy Cats commercial with a black guy snuggling his cat. What's wrong with this you ask? Ummm, when's the last time you ever saw a black family with a pet cat?! (now, i'm sure there are some out there, just like there are some black republicans, but they are a rarity -- a weird rarity!)
I've known a lot of black folks in my life, heck, almost everyone in my family is black -- my baby's half black -- so i'm know a thing or two about black folks and i know that we don't (usually) do cats. And big black bald men especially don't do cats! Come on Tidy Cats, get with the program!

Blogger's Note: i even googled "black people with cats" to find a photo for this thread and all i got were pics of black cats. Even Google knows black folks don't have cats as pets.

He said WHAT?!

Blog James and real-life James seem like two different people to some folks. When folks first meet my hubby they automatically thinks he's going to start busting jokes and telling the silly stories that i post, but in reality James is a pretty quiet guy. He's got to really know someone before his blog-worthy side comes out. But when it does come out, watch out!
Those of you who have seen or heard him in action know what i mean. But for those of you who have never witnessed it first-hand, i leave you with this little taste:

James: (making a weird clicking noise) click, clickity clock, click click
ReRe: What are you doing that for?
James: Did i just call you something bad in your native tongue?!

BURN!

One of my stand-up jokes that i opened with was about how my first and middle names are, well, um, unusual (even more unusual that ReRe), but my maiden name is Smith. So i always joked that given my first name, you'd expect my maiden name to be something like Clickity, Click, Ooh, Ooh! It always got a laugh.

Guess this time the laughs on me!

River Monster Count Down: due in 5 days

Potluck Friday

1. First i must say that i think drugs are bad. BUT does it make me a bad person that i think some drugs are badder (yes i said badder) than other. It's kind of like a sin. You know, a sin is a sin is a sin. But in reality, some sins are worse than others. Coveting your neighbor's wife is a sin, but it's way better than going over there and choking your neighbor and hiding his body in the basement. So, any who, some drugs are badder than others, which is why i was doubly disappointed in the hotness that is T.I. when i read that not only was he arrested for drug possession, but one of those drugs was METH. Meth?!!!! Come on T.I. Have you not seen the Crystal Darkness documentary (I have a copy i can loan you and your wifey)? Have you never seen meth mouth? It's bad to get arrested for drugs at all, but to get arrested fro meth is even trashier. yuck.
   
2. Guess what i'm gonna be doing this weekend? Here are some clues: yellow cake with chocolate icing, lots of red drink and sweet tea, collard greens, fried chicken, dominoes, old dudes dancing and cuttin up, so loud you can't hear your own thoughts. If you said going to a family reunion, you are wrong. I'm going to a BLACK FOLKS family reunion. We get down different than any other folks and it's gonna be on! Did i ever tell you about the first time I took James to a reunion? We were in the food line and he leaned over and pointed to the collard greens and said "What's that?" I said "Greens." he replied "What are 'greens'?" And the entire dining hall got quiet and everyone looked at him like he was an alien. He now knows what greens are -- he can never forget.
   
3. James and i had fun last weekend in Texas, but it did make us appreciate a few things about Oklahoma (you never really appreciate what you got till you don't have it for a while):
   -- Smoke-free restaurants. I never realized how nice it was that Okiehoma restaurants are smoke free, until we were sitting at a Texas Chili's trying to enjoy our meal via burning eyes and the taste of Newports in our throats. ick! I was so confused when the hostess asked "Smoking or non-smoking?"
   
   --street signs that are easy to read. Maybe it's just a Waco thing, or maybe we are just dumb. But i think it's way easier to get around Okiehoma than Texas. Once you get off I-35, you are kinda SOL -- or at least we were. Mapquest and our android GPS didn't even know how to get us around Waco. But we figured it out.
   
   --good radio stations. Maybe i'd enjoy Texas stations if i was in to country, Spanish music, or (even worse) spanish country, but I'M NOT. The minute we crossed the border, the music went to crap. For goodness sakes, Beyonce is from Houston, so why is it so hard to find a station that allows me to drop it like it's hot while i drive?
   
4. I'm not gonna lie: I'm pretty excited about seeing Mike "The Situation" on Dancing with the Stars. I hope he dances shirt-less. Say what you want about Jersey Shore and "The Situation" but there's no denying that the boy's abs are fantabulous. He's no James, but it aint bad!
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? Well, i'm not usually a fan of Maroon 5, but i'm loving the song "Misery"
   

You better call Antoine...CALL HIM!

There are no words for this, so just watch!



And Now watch this!

I thought black folks just said that!

Yesterday, while enjoying a can of mixed nuts with my hubby, i grabbed a Brazil nut...and learned something new about white folks:

ReRe: You know this is called a nigga toe, don't cha?

James: Yea.

ReRe: (i was really shocked. I thought black folks were the only ones who called Brazil nuts this) Really? You grew up calling them nigga toes?

James: (kind of quiet) Well, we didn't say "nigga."

ReRe: OMG!!! James! I'm so blogging that tomorrow.

James: Baby! No! You are gonna have folks trying to kill me.

ReRe: No one will kill you, we'll blame it on your family!

Speaking of the fabulous Brazil nut. I went years before i figured out that the "N word" was actually a reference to black folks. The only context i'd ever heard it in was referring to Brazil Nuts (until one day a kid at daycare sang an inappropriate Christmas jingle with it in it, but that's another blog). One day while shopping at Buy For Less, i saw a beautiful display of Brazil Nuts. I ran over to them and started yelling: "Mom, mom! Look at all these nigga toes! We need to get us some nigga toes!"

My mom ran over so fast to cover my mouth. And that's when i learned that in public Brazil nuts are "Brazil Nuts."

Out of the mouth of Re

I'm pretty sure if James and I actually had a reality tv show (as we often pretend we do) it would have been canceled after this conversation:

James: Are you gonna teach our kid how to dance?
ReRe: TEACH?! Ummm, no. Our kid is already gonna know how to dance. It will been in the blood!
James: Oh, why? Cus it's half black?
ReRe: Um, yeah!
James: Well, it's still half white.
ReRe: So, it's gonna know how to dance. Me teaching our kids how to dance is like an Asian family teaching their kids math -- it's not necessary.
James: Did you just say that?
ReRe: I sure did!

Movies a la ReRe

Have you seen the previews for the new movie Death at a Funeral? Well, it's actually not a "new" movie, it's the remake of a 2007 British film that's hilarious. I'm usually not a fan of British films. Ok, i'm gonna admit it. I do have some prejudices (shock!) and one of those is British accents. I don't know what it is about them, but they bug me -- with the exception of Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay, but that's just because i have old man crushes on the.
Anywhoo, Death at a Funeral is really funny and i'm excited to see the remake because it's the black version. Black version? Yeah, you know, that's when a director takes a movie and remakes it with a black cast and black comedy. Not the kind of black comedy that's taboo satire, but the black comedy that, as James describes, includes an "old black lady with a big ol booty saying crazy stuff."
James and i have decided that we are going to start a production company where we take classic movies and make black version of them.
Here are a few of our early ideas:

• Mary Poppins: It will be called Shanaynay Jones and will star Monique and that one little bad kid from Role Models. Instead of a spoon full of sugar, it will be a spoon full of red drink makes the medicine go down. And the dance routines will all be crunking and Usher will have Dick Van Dyke's role.
  
  
• Gone with the Wind: It will be called Damn It's Windy and will be the tale of a loud bossy lady who owns a salon who is having a turbulent relationship with her baby daddy.
  
  
• Birds: It will be called Chicken Wangs and will about a group of birds that tries to attack a family at a barbecue, only to find they are the ones being hunted.