Wives before Bros, yo!

James: there's an app called Bro App that i can get and have it send you messages at certain times.
ReRe: Bro App? Like "why you mad, bro?!"
James: yeah!
ReRe: what kind of messages?
James: like i'm thinking of you messages. i can set it up to send them to you every day at a certain time.
ReRe: so you would schedule when to tell me you are thinking of me?!
James: ......
ReRe: hmmm. well i'll find an app that will schedule nice stuff for you too -- but i'll set it for once a year!
James: ..... :(

Taking the fun out of apps!

I'm probably one of the rare smart phone users that's really not into all the apps. Besides using the Facebook App daily, i use my phone for the purpose that Zach Morris used his cell phone: to talk on it. (i also freeze time regularly, but that's another post).

But James on the other hand is the App King. He downloads all kinds of Apps. But unlike folks who download fun apps, you know the ones where you can take your picture and then add 300 pounds to your face, or the apps that sound like toots (my mama never allowed me to say the "f" word), or other fun apps, James downloads "smart people" apps.

For example, he's recently been obsessed with this muscle app that has a diagram of the body and gives you all these details about muscles and what they do blah blah blah. One app is called "Speed Anatomy" where he has to identify a body part or a muscle within so many seconds to advance to the next level. He has another called "Prognosis" where he gets a pretend patient and has to determine what interventions they need. He said "it's like playing doctor." And another app shows him how to do joint mobilization. Oh and Science Millionaire. I could go on.

Basically James' apps are the abacuses of apps. In other words: Lame! They are like the butterscothes of Halloween candy. In other words: grandma!

I just had to get this off my chest -- and hopefully off of Facebook

I will admit that my Facebook addiction has increased ever since i got my smartphone. Once upon a time is shunned smartphone users. "Why do you need internet on your phone?" I'd ask. (I used to wonder why folks needed a camera on their phone as well). But i'm a changed woman. I love that i can post my snarky updates at any time of day, no matter where i am.
Take today for example; James and I both have jury duty. A month ago i would have dreaded the boredom, but not anymore -- I will have my smartphone to keep me company as i post about my fellow jurors all day long (knocking on wood that my phone is not prohibited while i'm waiting).

Back to my addiction.

One thing that i have noticed since i've become a deeper lover of Facebook, is that i get edgy about some of the other updates i see. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but i think updates should be funny, snarky, meaningful, original etc. And THESE do not meet those criteria:

• Bible verses: I love me some God, but what's up with all the Bible verses? 1) it's not original to quote a book as old as the Bible and 2) Is it necessary to do this EVERY DAY???? Even Jesus is like "enough already! whatcha eating for lunch?"
  
  
• Farmville and other nonsense: Don't you love the folks who have never once posted a status other than "____just bred a baby bird" or "_____has a baby bear who is lost" and my fave: "_____zebra just escaped the zoo, Oh My!" Really? Really? You're telling me that you joined Facebook so you could breed unicorns and grow food you'll never eat?
  
  
• Song lyrics and Movie quotes: I liken this to the Bible verses -- not original to quote Shrek and Brooks & Dunn. I do think there is a loophole to this. If you're gonna quote a lyric or movie, tie it in to something real. For example, if i felt an urge to quote Naughty by Nature, i'd put something like "Today James is down with O.P.P. -- And i'm excited" or something like that.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Updates only you and maybe 1 out of 670 of your friends get: You know how it was rude to have inside jokes when you were in elementary school? Well, nothing has changed. It's even ruder on Facebook. Imagine nothing but a wall of "La Girafee -- Hoy!" "How does it feel? How was your trip?" "BGWBand3M" and other things that only my close friends and hubby understand (and would crack up at)? Exactly, so stop it.
  
  I've said this last one before, but it can't be said enough:
  
  
  
  
• Ghetto updates: No one wants to read about your baby mama drama, whose b-u-t-t you kicked this weekend, how you are fighting with your mother-in-law, etc. Well, maybe people do wanna know, but all of them are sitting in Jerry Springer's audience.
  

Now, if you find that you are guilty of any of the above, please know that i still cherish you deeply as a friend, but also know that you are not just driving me crazy, you are driving all of your other friends crazy too. But if that's how you roll, do your thang.