No meat? that just ain't right, suga!

I am convinced that black folks -- especially older black folks -- don't understand the concept of vegetarianism (i'm sure there are plenty of other folks who don't, but this is my blog, i'm black, so i'm talking about my peeps).

I of course an exception to this observation because being married to a skinny, white vegetarian for the last 6.5 years has opened my eyes. But again...i am an exception.

So how did i draw this conclusion that brothas and sistas don't understand the concept of not eating meat?

Well, it didn't just happened over night; i've observed many evidential incidences:

1. My mama used to always make James chicken, or things with chicken broth because "i know he doesn't eat meat." apparently to my mama, meat was only beef and pork.
   
   
2. My family reunion came to a silent halt in 2006 when one of my aunties loudly said "He can't eat the greens cus they have ham hocks in 'em?! What does he put in his greens then." This was a double whammy: i had to tell her that James doesn't eat greens.
   
   
3. My baby bro always refers to ground turkey (my preference), as "fake meat" and he thinks i make it because James is a vegetarian. He is his mama's child.
   

I got more evidence recently when i called my Southern daddy to ask him how to make gumbo with the fresh okra i recently acquired. Now, daddy knows James is a vegetarian. We recently spent a week in Virginia with him where he regularly offered James crab legs and ribs, and then caught himself. But i guess daddy didn't fully realize what a vegetarian is...or maybe he didn't think James was committed. That's the only think i can gather from this conversation:

Me: Hi daddy! i got some fresh okra and i want to make some gumbo, but don't know how.
Daddy: Hey sweet heart. It's easy! First you boil you down a chicken. get it tender and use that broth as your base.
Me: Well, i'm not going to use any meat because i want James to eat it.
Daddy ( i can tell he's confused): Oh, this is going to be hard then. Ok. instead of boiling some chicken, just get some chicken broth. Cook that up with some onions..
Me: Ok, i'll get some vegetable broth.
Daddy: Why not chicken?
Me: Because I want James to eat it too.
Daddy: He can't even it chicken broth?
Me: No, because it's still meat...just meat juice.
Daddy: Ok, well, i guess you can use the other broth...but i don't know how it will taste. Ok. So then throw in some onions and some sausage in your broth.
Me: Ok, i'll definitely throw in the onions. No sausage though. What other veggies do you put in besides the onions and okra?
Daddy: No sausage in gumbo?
Me: No daddy, sausage is meat.
Daddy: So yo aren't going to put in any shrimps probably?
Me: No, no shrimp, chicken, sausage or any other kind of meat.
Daddy: Well, i don't know how to tell you to make gumbo then.

I saw that this could go on and on, so i told him to start from the top -- sausage, chicken broth and all -- and i would edit the recipe myself.

The gumbo was Ok....it needed some meat!

Potluck Friday

TGIF!

1. I'm sorry i've been MIA on Potluck Friday recently. I have no excuses but laziness! Forgive me. Please?!
   
   
2. I want to wish a Happy 20th Birthday to Lil Bro! 20 years ago he came into this world causing ruckus. my mama had two very easy, no drama births prior to Lil Bro -- of course i was a piece of cake delivery because i'm precious and perfect and Middle Bro slid out in the front seat of the car..no joke! But Lil Bro was anything but easy. But he was worth the ruckus...and he still is. I heart you so much Jonathan. Happy Birthday sweet boy.
   
   
3. Is it ghetto-fabulous that River's toy chest includes the following: an empty Coke Zero bottle, and empty Red Diamond Ice Tea jug, and empty wipes container and an empty Enfamil container? Is it even ghettoer (or is more ghetto) that these are his favorite toys?
   
   
4. This is just your warning that I will be MIA for about a week in July. I'm having my good ol gallbladder removed. I heard it's all the rage with postpartum ladies. And a few weeks ago i thought i was about to be on that dumb show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" when i woke up with pains that took my back to the early morning of October 26, 2010 when i went into labor with River. The only thing different was that i knew i wasn't going to get a cute little baby in 16 hours. After some delicious IV pain meds and an ultra sound, it turns out i have gallstones (which by the way don't mix well with juicy hamburgers...or any tasty food for that matter), so i'm having it removed...and then enjoying a big ol plate of ribs!
   
   
5. Have you ever heard a song that makes you instantly wanna wrap your arms around the one you love and...well, umm, ya know?! Well, the song i'm jamming this week is that kinda song. It's "Motivation" by Kelly Rowland (the only girl Beyonce didn't kick out of Destiny's Child) featuring my boy Lil Wayne. (i love Weezy!)
   

You know you're a redneck if your flatscreen is bigger than your trailer

The house is kind of a work zone right now with baseboards, paint buckets, tarps and boxes of laminate flooring piling in different spots. James has been busy all week stripping Lil Bro's old room and preparing it for baby River. You'd be amazed how fast the smell of teenage boy disappears when you rip up the carpet! God only knows what that room has seen over the last 3 years, but it's starting to get its innocence back!

All this remodeling has made me want to do all kinds of things to other parts of the house. Over time we will do some things, like laminate floors throughout, more paint. But i'm also a realist. This is our first house, we won't live here forever, and there's only so much you can (and should) do in a 1,100 square feet.

But not everyone feels that way. I'm not naming names (maybe it's because they are related to me), but some folks have a champagne decorating style in a beer house! We all know that person who is decking out there starter home in granite, wood floors, marble tiles, gawdy fountain. Yeah yeah, it all sounds good in theory, but seriously, if your neighbors might be cooking meth, there's no reason for you to have granite counter tops!

Ain't nothing funnier that pulling up to a trailer and walking into a mansion. I love the folks who have champagne taste on inside, but beer decor on the outside. I'm talking old cars (and car parts) strung across the yard along with broken garden gnomes, but inside new flooring, stainless steal appliances and furniture from Martha Stewart Living.

Grown-ups who do this make me wonder if when they were in their early 20s if they were the kinda folks who had nothing in their living room but a huge TV. Remember going over to a homie's house and he had wack furniture (like old school lawn furniture), plastic cups and plates (that he reused), but he had a slammin' TV and sound system!

I'm not gonna lie, the Brown House (that was my college apartment. a black girl and two mexicans) had some ghetto flavor going on. We had lawn furniture in the spare room -- but it was the nice kind. And a mattress in the living room (we have real furniture too) that came in handy for last-minute overnight guests. But i'm happy to say that my 2 roommates and I did not carry that decorating style over to adulthood!

Potluck Friday

1. All i have to say is that it does not get anymore trailer park than this:

I may not know much about diapers (now anyway), but aren't they supposed to be covered up? And if so, than what's the point of them being "stylish"? Yeah, yeah, there are tons of babies who run around town with nothing but a diaper on, but the operative word is here is "nothing." They aren't sporting their jean diaper AND a white button-down and loafers. I expect this to be a flashback from Earl on My Name is Earl -- not an actual commercial made on purpose. I promise you that my boy will NOT be wearing jean diapers.

2. When i was addressing my Father's Day Card, i actually wrote my hubby's name on the envelope (a gross slip) instead of my dad's! Luckily my dad's name is also James, so all i had to do was scratch out the last name -- but it was still an awkward moment. Does this mean i have daddy issues?

3. I saw a commercial for an Oklahoma City hospital that was bragging about how there is no waiting in its ER. Apparently you can go online and reserve your spot. There are so many things wrong with this. First off, if i've accidentally sliced off my finger while trying to be Emeril in the kitchen, the last thing i'm doing is getting online and reserving a spot for 2 hours from now! And are they gonna really stick to those appointments or are they gonna be like the Social Security office where appointments are like fruit baskets -- it makes you feel good to get one, but everyone knows they mean absolutely nothing. So, let me get this right. If i've reserved a spot for, let's say 4:15, because i'm having terrible heartburn and need something stronger than what Wally World offers, and some dude rushes in with half his face gone, I'm gonna be seen before him because i have a reservation? Yeah right!

4. This is week is 22 of pregnancy, and i have put more time in than i have left to go! Woot Woot. Some highlights of this past week were:

• Lil Bro got to listen to the heartbeat (i'm a dork and bought a hand-held doppler so i can listen to my boy's heartbeat all the time). It made my day to see Lil Bro smile so big. He's very excited about being Uncle Lil Bro and having a nephew!
• James finally got to feel a kick. River has been kicking the crap out of me for about a month, but they were not strong enough to be felt from the outside -- until last night.
  
• My stomach is beginning to round out -- so i actually am beginning to look pregnant and not like i just came back from a 2-hour love fest at Golden Corral.
• Other things are rounding out as well. My loving best friend Cristina asked me: "What's going on back there." Back where? "There." and then she pointed to the extra junk in the trunk that i'm carrying. Yes, it actually is possible for my butt to get bigger.
  
• James and i watched some birth videos online. I thought it would be a good idea to prepare him for the scariness that's to come. Apparently i needed the preparing. The videos were too scary for words and i've decided that I will request to be knocked out during child birth and to never have to see anyone who was in the delivery room again (I should never have to face anyone that has seen THAT much of me - this includes James. Love you baby, it's been a fun ride, but i will have to say goodbye if you dare peak south of the border).
  

5. What's ReRe jamming this week? "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy (and i love the name Travie!):

Things you can't do when your jaw is wired shut

I can't imagine being on a liquid diet for 3 weeks. Watching Lil Bro eat is painful -- and kind of icky. But i've come to realize that the liquid diet is no where near the hardest thing he has to deal with. Having his jaw wired shut has interfered with a lot of things we all take for granted:

• Yawning. Lil Bro can't yawn! He said that he sometimes feels a yawn coming on and forgets his mouth won't open "...and it just feels like i'm stretching out my brain." (I told him that could be a good thing -- ain't nothing wrong with a little brain stretching).
  
• Lick his lips. His tongue has gotta be feeling claustrophobic these days. The other days his licks were so chapped that i was tempted to have one of the dogs lick them for him. But i opted to just buy him some chapstick. (Lil Bro did gross me out when he said his little girlfriend licked them sometimes. Ick. I just threw up in my mouth).
  
• Sucking a straw. Yeah, he can suck through a straw, but if the stuff he is slurping is not pure liquid it just gets stuck in his wires.
  
• Spit. If Lil Bro has something really worked up in his throat he can't get it out. Before we left the hospital we were warned about 1,000 times about making sure he has his wire cutters on him at all times in case he feels sick and needs to...you know. What a terrible way to go.
  
• Sneeze. Maybe this is just the bad manners in me, but i can't imagine sneezing with my mouth closed. Yes, i cover my mouth, but it's totally wide open behind my hand.
  
• Whistle. Kind of hard to whistle when your teeth are clenched together like a poor man's Mike Jones.

Thank heaven for little girls...

First let me say that we are safe. Tornadoes hit pretty close to us, but they missed our area by a several miles.

So how did i spend my night of storms? Huddled in my bathroom? In my closet with a radio? Holding on to a light post outside? None of the above. I was at the hospital with Lil Bro. For a couple of hours, Lil Bro, his girlfriend (who i was kind to -- even though it's hard) and I were huddled in a dark hallway on the 4th floor of Norman Regional Hospital. Lil Bro was the youngest patient on that floor by 70 years and the only one who was not in a hospital bed (he was in a gown, hooked to an IV).

Why was Lil Bro in the hospital you ask? Well, lets just say that when you don't know how to walk away from a fight, you risk the chance of getting your jaw broken in to places. Yes, Lil Bro and a former-friend decided to play Fight Club on Saturday and for two days Lil Bro was walking around with a broken jaw.

He is still awaiting surgery (it was supposed to happen yesterday, but the storms and injured folks pushed him and his jaw to the back of the line). Lil Bro's incident is just another reason why i'm beginning to hope that Pumpkin Seed is a girl. Boys are rough. My mama, bless her soul, raised two of them. And i can honestly say they had WAY more bumps and boo-boos than i ever did.

Here are a few things i WON'T be dealing with if I have a girl (*note: all of these actually happened to Middle Bro, Lil Bro or both):

• Getting a call from school because tiny privates were accidentally zipped up.
• Getting bit by a mysterious bug. Beating it to death -- so badly that to this day the type of bug has never been identified.
• Breaking a toe just months after learning to walk -- and then taking only 5 minutes to learn how to hobble around in a tiny dinosaur cast.
• Setting a couch on fire.
• Setting a bunk bed on fire.
• Setting your big sister's room on fire.
• Putting the pomeranian in the dryer.
• Feeding the fish dryer lint
• nearly poking an eye out while trying to cut off your eyelashes (lashes your sister would kill for).
• Taking a pair of clippers to your own 3 year-old head. cutting so far down that the hair still does not completely grow there.
• Trying to jump over your little brother with your bike, but landing on him instead (leaving Lil Bro with a tire-track scar across his belly).
• Getting in trouble for throwing black cats at your 2nd grade teacher.
• Eating a spider -- another fun trip to the ER
• Piercing your ear with a vice grip and a needle

I'm sure there are tons more things these boys did over the years, but i've either forgot them or blocked them out (and this list does not even include the teen years).

Potluck Friday

Yay! It's Friday. TGIfreakingF!

1. James and i have been taking turns driving his new ride so he doesn't put too many miles on it when he goes to treat patients out of town. Today he's working closer to home, so he got to drive his new baby to work, and i got reunite with baby. Half way to work i look down to see that i'm WAYYY past 'E.' Really? Really? I didn't have time to stop and get gas, so now i'm praying that i have enough to make it home today. If i don't, you can bet Mr. James is never gonna hear the end of it.
   
2. Lil Bro is like a ghost in the night. He stops in every few weeks to go through my fridge, play on the internet and mow the yard (for money of course). He didn't even realize James and I were in Cancun for a week -- he missed his chance of having a wild party at my house. Believe it or not i miss seeing his face. I finally got to see him this week. And he got to see me -- apparently he saw way more of me than i knew existed:
   ReRe: So, do you think i'm starting to look a little pregnant, or am i just looking fatter?
   Lil Bro: Oh, you definitely look pregnant! I can see it in your thighs, they are wider. You wrists are thicker, your arms are bigger. A little in your cheeks and in the back.
   
   By "in the back" i'm sure he was referring to my a$$. I'm sure he would have continued with his list of what's blown up on ReRe in the last 16 weeks, but i stopped him.
   ReRe: Well, James said that i really don't look any different.
   Lil Bro: James is lying to you.
   
   And you know what, I believe Lil Bro!
   
3. We finally watched The Blind Side. Finally, a good movie! After all the turds we've rented from the redbox lately, it was nice to get something good. I think i'm the only person in the world who didn't know the movie was based on a true story! And i love that Sandra adopted a tiny lil blind side! (yeah, i said it).
   
4. Only pregnancy can give you the complexion of a teenage boy and the boobs of Dolly Parton. Seriously. I'm so freaking hot...from the neck down...and belly button up!
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? I'm loving the song "Young Forever" by Jay-Z and Mr. Hudson.

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday

1. Today begins the official week countdown of James and my 5th year wedding anniversary! Next Friday we will have outlasted 98 percent of Hollywood couples!
   
   
2. You know what i hate more than racists? Racists who think it's appropriate to make racial about one group to another minority. It's like they think it's ok to be racist, as long as you are not the race or ethnic group they are busting on. I took a stroll through Motherhood Maternity the other day -- a mistake i will blog about next week. (I promise this won't turn into a "mommy blog" but there are some things i must share!). The cashier and i were chatting about all kinds of things and got on the subject of vacationing in Mexico. And then she said the tackiest thing -- i've heard this term before, but seriously who says this to a customer:
   Nazi Cashier: When you are in Mexico you have to be careful because a lot of those little shops will try to Jew you on the prices.
   
   I thought i heard her wrong. I said "huh?" And then she just repeated it. Really? Really? I just grabbed my sack and left. Seriously? I wonder what she says when the black chick is not in the store. I reminded me of an office manager of small firm i worked at for a short time. She always would talk about "jewing" vendors down on services. Oh, i'd love to see what she had to say when the black girl was no longer there!
   
   
3. James and I have sworn off movies at the Redbox. Yeah, yeah, i've said it before, but i'm serious this time -- i think. We rented Couples Retreat. Words can not express how bad this was. I've seen worse, but i've seen wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better. I didn't know if it was supposed to be a comedy or a drama or a guide of not what to do in marriage. I was confused. No bueno.
   
   
   
   
4. 10 years ago i knew it was a mistake to put a certain person in charge of the Norman High School Class of 2000 reunion and now my fears are coming true. Guess who didn't get invited -- Me! Everyone is talking on Facebook about the reunion and i've yet to receive and invite! That's whack -- it ain't a party if ReRe Smith ain't there! I'm kidding. Kind of.
   
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? "Say Something" by Timbaland ft. Drake. This song brings out the ghetto fab in me. I'm talking moon roof open, head popping, arm in the air embarrassing Lil Bro to the bone. This song is so good!