This little piggy went to, um, um...

I'm not going to pretend that James and I are super parents, but i'll admit that we are pretty good ones! Maybe we are just naturals, OR (and i think it's this one) maybe we just lucked out and got an easy going kiddos that just makes us look good. Either way, i'm not complaining.

BUT i will admit there is one area that James and I are lacking in: nursery rhymes.

We have no idea the words to most nursery rhymes and kid songs. I sing "You are my sunshine" because i best know the words to that -- but it was until recently that i realized i was singing it in the wrong tune.

I mostly sing Top 40 to River -- edited versions of course. And James sings what ever pops into his head. The other day he was singing him the theme song to "Two and a Half Men." and yes, that song only has two words.

So i admit that we struggle in this area, but i didn't realize until this morning that James' struggle was much worse than mine until he asked me this:

"What did the first little piggy do again?"

Apparently James forgot that the first piggy went to the market! He's been telling River that the piggy went to the mall or to town -- depending on the day.

ReRe: How do you not know the words to "This little piggy?!"

James: Flog me, pull me out in the streets and flog me and tell the world that i don't know the words to "This little piggy."

Well, i'm telling the world -- the flogging will come later.

Doesn't get whiter than that!

so it's snowing all over -- except in Oklahoma (thank God!).
One of my best friends lives in Maine, so you can imagine what she is dealing with this winter. It's a full blown blizzard. There's only one way to explain it:

"It's whiter than a Glenn Beck rally out there."

Yes, this was a status update used to describe the Maine weather! I almost wet my pants when i read it.

It made me think of some others:

• "It's whiter than a John Mayer concert out there."


• "It's whiter than the audience watching Sarah Palin's Alaska."


• "It's whiter than the dinner crowd at Denny's."


• "It's whiter than a Black Friday line outside a Toys 'R' Us."

From the mouth of James

Wise things my hubby says:

ReRe: You need to start taking more pics of me and River. i have tons of pics of you and him, but not many of me and and him.
James: You need to start wearing clothes and i will take more pictures of you and the kid.

He has a good point. I'm sure River does not want a scrapbook of pics of him and his mommy, where i'm rocking out nothing but nappy hair, pajama pants and a nursing bra.

Weird things my hubby says:

Christmas Eve morning, James, River and I all snuggled in bed. It was a picture perfect moment as James and i held hands.
And then my hubby said the weirdest thing:

James: Is it strange that i'm imagining that scene from Ernest Saves Christmas were the old Santa is transferring his powers to the new Santa? I'm imagining that you are the new Santa and my hands are transferring powers to your hand.

Umm, ok???? Way to make the moment, um, weird.

What's Complicated?

As many of you have noticed, Facebook has gone through some changes. I'm adapting and not whining like i have in the past.
Now, i don't know if this is a recent change, or just something i've never noticed until now, but what's up with the relationship status: It's Complicated. ???

Am i the only one that thinks this is GHETTO!? Since when is "It's Complicated" a relationship status. Well, i guess it CAN be, but why don't we just come out with it and be honest.
Instead of "It's Complicated, " you can put:

• XXXX is dating a married man and hoping that he will leave his wife soon (it's only been 12 years)
• XXXX has a baby daddy that she sometimes "hangs out" with
• XXXX hubby is incarcerated so they are on a "break"
• XXXX is in a loveless marriage, but sticking it out for the kids

I might change my status to "It's Complicated with James" just to see what folks say!

I'm Back!!!

It's been a fast 8 weeks. I can't believe The River Monster is almost 2 months old -- and i can't believe that today is my first day back at work.

It's going to be hard to not be with this little guy all day:


I'm sure i'm going to cry, but his sweet face will make 5 p.m. even sweeter.

Some things i learned while being a SAHM (that's what us BabyCenter addicts call Stay At Home Moms):

• Maury Povich has fallen so far -- and i love it. I'm gonna miss hearing "You are NOT the father" every day at noon.
  
• There are tons of folks who don't work during the day, and they love to hang out at Wal-Mart and Chick Fil a
• Besides my stories, there's not much on T.V.
• A 9 pound person can pass gas and do a #2 like a 190 pound person. It's amazing!
• Once you enter the motherhood club, you forfeit all expectations of: long showers, eating a warm meal, eating with both hands
• When other mommies see you just had a baby, they start asking you all kind of personal questions about your boobs and vajajay. 8 weeks ago no strangers asked me about my nipples (well, except for my crazy neighbor who was giving me tips on how to go into labor) so why is it ok now?! (the crazier thing is i actually partake in these conversations!)
• James is super dad! and a great hubby too.
  
• Hormones don't go away just because you had the baby
• My dogs will bark at the mailman. EVERY. FREAKING. SINGLE. DAY. (they are the reason why i'm going back to work. they drove me freaking nuts for 8 weeks)

I'm happy to be back to blogging!

Where's ReRe?

So if you've been logging on for the last week you have noticed that i've been MIA.
Well, at midnight Tuesday, October 26, 2010 i officially went into labor. (honestly i had been in labor for days, if not weeks, but that's when i looked at James and said "let's go to the hospital.")
I was 3 days past my due date and ready. And a few hours before i watched the turd called "MacGruber" and i think it was so bad that River was trying to break loose!

After 16 hours of labor, James and I welcomed our son River James into the world at 3:58 p.m. 7lbs 1oz and 21 inches long!



He is gorgeous. A head full of hair (i guess that heartburn myth was not a myth!). Eyes that look into your soul. I could go on. He's dang cute. And he looks just like my mama, which makes my heart melt. She would be so proud. No, she IS so proud.

A lot of folks have asked me if i will still keep blogging. Umm, yeah! I love blogging! But i am taking a little break while i'm on maternity leave so i can spend time with my boy and figure this whole motherhood thing out. I may pop in every once in a while to post something i just couldn't hold in, but i won't officially be back in full swing until Christmas. So don't forget about me! I'll be back!

Potluck Friday

It's probably the best Friday ever!!!

1. Why? Because it's my last day of work before maternity leave AND my last Friday without my kiddo! Tomorrow is officially my due date -- 40 weeks of preggoness here I come. And tomorrow begins the countdown for River to make his debut. He's got until Thursday and then he'll officially get the boot. My gut -- and my SIL (who correctly predicted 14 years ago that our nephew would be born on leap year) -- tells me that my boy is planning to make an entrance on Monday. So we'll see! I'd love for that to be the case, because on Oct. 25, 2003, River's daddy asked me on a date. So it only makes sense for River to pop in on October 25th! Fingers crossed.
   
   
2. There's been A LOT of nesting going on in la casa de ramblings. I even somehow convinced my hubby that River needed a screen door on the front of the house?!!! So No. 1 dad will be installing that in the next 24-28 hours. I still don't know how i won that argument -- probably had something to do with the fact that i actually wasn't screaming, complaining or crying and James just said "Yes, sure, you're right" to keep the peace! (i'm gonna miss getting my way just cus i'm with child). I gave the house a good dusting last week, and this weekend i/we plan to do a good vacuuming and mopping. Why? you ask. Because i don't want my kid to think God jipped him and gave him to the nasty people. I want the house to be shiny. And we all know that some kids DO get jipped and get stuck with the nasty parents (dirty laundry and dog hair all over, bugs, smell of cat pee). That ain't us! And it never will be! (cus i hate cats!)
   
   
3. Last night was a sad night. It was the season finale of Jersey Shore. Tear. All i have to say is this: I can't stand Sammi, (why you so cranky? and you seriously need a cough drop cus that voice is NOT cute. You sound like Phoebe when she got sick and did the sexy version of "Smelly Cat"), i heart Pauly D, and Snooki, you DID tell JWow that Pauly was talking smack, and you LIED! But i still love you, even if you are darker than me.
   
   
4. It's time for some more Facebook rants. We all know how much i can't stand things like: updates that tell all your ghetto bizness, Bible verses (I love God, but i also know he does not have a Facebook and that verse ain't getting you into heaven. 1 is fine, but daily is too much), or updates that are about nothing other than how much you love your kid or spouse. again. sweet. but tell THEM that, not US! But now i have another pet peeve. It's not new, but i've just been noticing it more and more: Folks answering questions about me. What's this about? Every so often i will get a post on my wall telling me that some random person answered questions about "ReRe" and i have answers to unlock. What the heck? And why is the person answering the questions about me always that random friend who i probably shouldn't be friends with in the first place because 1) i really don't know who they are, but felt too guilty to decline the request 2) i really don't like them, but felt too guilty to decline the request and have been too lazy to delete them or 3) they don't know me well enough to answer 1 question about me, let alone enough to warrant a wall post!
   But Facebook has been very entertaining this week because Crazy Cousin Keisha now has a Facebook. and even though she does all the things that drive me nuts with the updates, i can't get enough! Some update highlights from my craziest family member( copy and pasted directly. no lie!):
   

   i had a scrub named PATRICK YOUNGBLOOD.Sorry 2 put u on blast but the ni@ga was water resistant.lol. Anybody else out there allergic 2 soap and water? Lol. Im over it(him)now.just he HAD sum cool while I was hormonal 4 9 months.but now im singing the Chrisette Michelle cut"EPIPHANY" ya know?!
   
   

   does anybody else besides me love grocry shoppin the day after the 1st? After the traffic has somewhat died?
   
   

   why do guys think its ok 2 fart OUT LOUD abruptly and then proceed 2 carry out the conversation like nothin happenened while lookin u n the eye? FREAKN GROSS! Unproper 4real

   
   

   
   

   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? It's not new, but i just love this song. It's "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. It was part of our sermon last week at church (reading the story behind the song makes me love it so much more):
   
   

Youth today

So last week while presenting to some 3rd graders about not using tobacco products, i learned some interesting things such as: i'm glad i'm not a 3rd grade teacher (i give it up to you teachers, i don't have that kind of patience), i have the same taste in music and boys as 3rd graders (they love the Bieber too), and -- and this is the most important one -- "YOU GET A CELL PHONE BY 3RD GRADE."

Yes, that's an actual quote from one of the kiddos, and all her classmates agreed.
Say What???!!! So in 9 years River gets his own cell phone plan?

this little tidbit of info was shocking to me, especially considering that I didn't get a cell phone until i was a junior or senior in high school, and when i was in 3rd grade, the only folks i knew with cell phones were Zac Morris and a family friend named Ricky (who i'm pretty sure had shady business going on).

Part of me can see wanting your kiddo to have a cell phone so they can check in with you etc. But another part of me wonders who the heck are 3rd graders talking to enough to warrant a $40+ a month phone bill. AND what could they possibly be talking about?!

I don't know why i should be surprised though. I know 3 year-olds with iPods ( i don't even have an iPod. and i still use a VCR).

I guess the lesson i learned is that i'm way behind the times and i need to get cooler pretty soon so i don't become one of "those" embarrassing moms!

He said WHAT?!

Blog James and real-life James seem like two different people to some folks. When folks first meet my hubby they automatically thinks he's going to start busting jokes and telling the silly stories that i post, but in reality James is a pretty quiet guy. He's got to really know someone before his blog-worthy side comes out. But when it does come out, watch out!
Those of you who have seen or heard him in action know what i mean. But for those of you who have never witnessed it first-hand, i leave you with this little taste:

James: (making a weird clicking noise) click, clickity clock, click click
ReRe: What are you doing that for?
James: Did i just call you something bad in your native tongue?!

BURN!

One of my stand-up jokes that i opened with was about how my first and middle names are, well, um, unusual (even more unusual that ReRe), but my maiden name is Smith. So i always joked that given my first name, you'd expect my maiden name to be something like Clickity, Click, Ooh, Ooh! It always got a laugh.

Guess this time the laughs on me!

River Monster Count Down: due in 5 days

Potluck Friday

1. Now, i don't want to be one of those crazy people who is blaming the flu shot for making me sick (i've read up on it, i know it's a dead virus, yada yada, i even have watched the vaccine be made and learned about all that crap), BUT, THE FLU SHOT MADE ME SICK! I got the sucker on Tuesday -- i typically don't get it. The last time i got it 5 years ago I got really really sick and passed it to James. We spent Thanksgiving 2005 on the couch drinking thera flu and watching Jurassic Park for a week. No fun. But i decided to get it this year so i could pass all the antibodies to River. WRONG CHOICE. I love this kid, but mommy feels like crap and really wishes she would have took daddy's advice and just bumped up my vitamin D intake instead. But it's too late. I have a sore arm, with a lump as big as J. Lo's rump on it, tingly throat and runny nose. Maybe it's not the flu shot, i could blame it on the "dedicated" folks who refuse to take a sick work day (and i blame half of it on them), but i can't deny that little shot some how jacked me up. So 2010 will be the last year ReRe EVER gets a flu shot. EVER.
   
2. So i may have been wrong about something for the last 29 years: i may NOT have child-bearing hips. they might just be wide. Monday my doc informed me that she was a little concerned/surprised that my boy hadn't started moving into position. Yes, he's head down, but he's not moving down -- if you know what i mean. She said she's not in worry mode quite yet and over the next two weeks he could still move his way down, BUT she did say that it was possible he was on the big side (i don't know where he could have got that) and was maybe having a hard time. My kid is part of the GBC -- the ghetto booty crew. I hope he's just being lazy and will start to pack his things over the next week and be ready to roll soon. We shall see.
   
3. So The Situation got the boot off of Dancing with the Stars. I'll admit, i was kind of bummed b/c not only am i a fan of Jersey Shore, i'm a fan of watching rythmless people dance! And it doesn't come more rythmless than Mike The Situation! He really took getting the boot to heart. Apparently he's never watched the show and didn't realize that you don't get votes for trying hard. You get votes for dancing well! What i don't understand is how someone who spends so much time in the club can be so bad at dancing?!
   
4. What song am i jamming this week? "Check it Out" by Will.I.Am and Nicki Minaj. Ms. Minaj is really becoming one of my favorite folks these days. She's like the black Lady GaGa!
   

This PSA is brought to you by the letters F-L and U

As flu season is upon us, the folks at ReRe-Ramblings would like to do a PSA for the season. No, i'm not going to tell everyone to get a flu shot or tell everyone why they should or shouldn't get one. My message is simple: IF YOU ARE SICK, KEEP YOUR SICK BUTT AT HOME. AIN'T NOBODY GIVING OUT AWARDS TO "DEDICATED" EMPLOYEES WHO BRING THEIR COOTIES TO THE OFFICE.

Nothing worse than someone hacking up a lung, looking like death warmed over, but saying things like "no, no i'm not sick." and then they continue to blow their rudolph nose. NASTY. RUDE.

We've all worked with that person who comes in sicker than a dog and acts like they are doing the company some big favor by bringing in their diseases. They say things like "I'm soooooooo sick, but I just have so much to do." or "I don't feel good, but i didn't want you to get stuck with my work." Ummm, i'd rather be stuck with your work than whatever you got going on in your chest.

If I was the boss, i'd be sending sick folks home. Better yet, sick folks would get penalized for even coming to work with drippy nose in the first place.

So i'll say it again people, leave your sick butts at home -- you gets no pats on the back from me!

I'm NOT old!

I love when our men can make us feel young and good -- but those don't make funny posts.

But these conversations do:

ReRe: You know what is depressing?
James: What?
ReRe: When you are watching a reality show and the name and age of the person pops up and you realize you are older than most of the contestants.
James: Well, sweetie, you are getting to the age where you are going to be older than most reality show people. You can be on a reality show at like 18, 21, these days. You are probably older than all the people on America's Next Top Model.
ReRe: Ok? Thanks? You really know how to make me feel good!

Count Down to the end of my life....

Some pregnant ladies get annoyed when folks want to rub their bellies -- i don't mind (as long as you aren't some weirdo and you have all your teeth or at least a good set of dentures)

Some pregnant ladies get annoyed at comments like "are you carrying twins?" "man, you look like you were due yesterday" or the plain and simple "you are huge." -- amazingly i don't mind these either. As long as their is a kiddo in me, you can comment on my roundness all you want. BUT in 3-4 weeks you better shut your face.

But what i CAN'T stand are the constant comments about how "your life is going to be OVER. so enjoy this time while you can."

Don't get me wrong, i know that life is going to be very different. I won't be able to decide that I need to go to Opies in an hour. I may not be rushing out to see a 2 hour new release in the near-near future, and my nights of 9 hours of sleep are going to dwindle (though if you are on Facebook at 3 a.m. you would know that i haven't slept through the night in at least two months).

Yes, i know all of these things and more. But there's nothing worse than telling two people who are about to start such an exciting journey that life is really about to SUCK. I have some mommy friends who tell me all the ugly sides of pregnancy and the after, i love and need that, it's real. But what i don't love or need is weird laughing church lady who told me Sunday: "Man, you won't be going out alone for a long, long time. Kiss those movies and dates goodbye once this baby comes."

(James said i should have told her: well, my hubby is not ashamed of me, so he will still take me out.)

Other annoying your-life-is-gonna-suck-soon comments i hate are:

• You and James are never going to have "alone" time again. -- umm, that's right. because people NEVER have "alone" time after they have a kid. that's why every couple has just one kid (ignore the fact that James is #9 of ELEVEN kids) . Ok???
  


• No more date nights. -- to the folks that have not been on a date since their kid was born 10 years ago, shame on you! don't blame that on your kid! just admit that you just don't really like your old lady/old man anymore! Trust me, this mama will have her some date nights. happy mama = happy house!
  


• When someone's kid is acting a fool, throwing a crazy tantrum, the parents look at you and say: "I hope you are ready for this." -- No, i'm not ready for that, and i don't need to be because i'm not gonna have a BeBe kid. Notice that it's always the person with the baddest kid who wants to prepare you for incidents like your kid slapping you in Wal-Mart or your teen calling you a "B." Now, i'm not saying my boy is going to be perfect, but I know how my mama raised me and trust me, we knew better to act a fool in private, let alone in public!

My question is this: if kids are sooooooooo terrible, than why do folks keep busting them out!

Ok, off my soapbox!

Potluck Friday!

1. I think it was 3:14 a.m. when James rolled over and said: "hey guess what? River is going to be here in 3 weeks -- that's CRAZY!" and then he turned over and went back to sleep. It is crazy. Today is October 1st, the last first day of the month that James and i will wake up without a child in the house. WEIRD. Today is also hair day -- woot woot. I refuse to bring a child into this world with my hair looking a hot mess, so i'm going to see Ms. CoCo later today so she can get me labor ready.
   
   
2. James' favorite commercials are the Restasis ads. He gets a kick out of the patient saying "Doctor, my eyes have been so dry, what's wrong?" and the doc saying "You have dry eye." Every time he sees it he cracks up.Clearly we've both gone into the wrong profession. I didn't know being a doctor was so easy. I could have told the dry eye lady she had freaking dry eye! What's next, going to the doc and saying that your hair has been thinning and the doc saying "you are experiencing thinning hair. " or saying you have been coughing and blowing your nose and the doc saying "you have a case of coughs and stuffy/runny nose." Medical field here i come.
   
   
3. I saw on the news that a new planet was found. Ummm, if i was Pluto i'd be ticked! And i love how scientists always say "new" when they find something. Ummm, new means new, not it took us x amount of years to find this!
   
   
4. All i have to say is Praise Jesus -- Angelina FINALLY left Jersey Shore last night! And i BETTER NOT see that girl on the 3rd season (yes, there will be a third, and yes, i will be watching it. Don't judge!) Now if only that Amber chick from Teen Mom would leave the show all would be right in the world (oh, except for the poverty, war, hate, politicians, etc. but those are not as entertaining at MTV shows).
   
   
5. What am i jamming this week? I'm embarrassed to admit it, but the song is called "Toot it and Boot" it by YG. I had to ask my brothers what it exactly meant. Of course i was appalled and disgusted (and still not clear what it means), but i can't help but to sing along and bob my head when it comes on. I secretly wanna scream "That's my jam" when i hear it, but i'm 29 and too old to admit that publicly.
   

Bikers Beware -- i can't stand you!

This might make some folks mad, but i don't care. You know who i'm not a fan of?

Bikers.

No, not all bikers get on my nerves, but some of yall are just seconds away from some Subaru in your tush.

Oh, you know who you are. You are the guy/gal who rants and raves about how "we have all the rights of the road" and "we need to be respected just like drivers." YET you REFUSE to follow half the rules of the road. Yeah, you might give a half signal here and there with your hand when you feel up to it. But for the most part you only follow the rules when you feel up to it -- which is clearly not often.

• Why do you think you get to just roll on through a 4-way stop? I can't do that in my car, so why do you get to do that just cus you are on a bike?
  
• Why do you get to just cut across all the lanes, making folks slam on their brakes, but i can't do that in my car (well, i guess i could technically do anything you can do, but i guarantee i'm getting pulled over).
• Why do you get to ride down the center of the road, weaving in and out between cars?
• Why do you get to ride under the influence? (not that i want to drive under the influence, but seriously, i'd bet 60% of bikers are drunk -- at least the ones on campus corner).
  
• Why do you think just because you are on a bike, it's appropriate to wear spandex? NO ONE should be wearing spandex, ESPECIALLY if you are not in the privacy of some contraption that is hiding your body.
  
• Why do you get to bounce back and forth between the street lane, the bike lane and the sidewalk? Pick a route and stick with it. Yeah, i could probably get to my destination faster if just hopped on the sidewalk and cut through Mrs. Jones' rose bushes, BUT I CAN'T. And either should you!
  

Two pregnant ladies walk into a salon...

So a little over a week ago i had my first pedicure! My toes still look HAWT! and i think i will partake in another pedi in a couple of weeks. With that being said, the experience was still weird. Maybe it was just the place we went to -- i doubt it though because i've heard similar stories and stand-up acts based solely on pedis -- but could it have been any more stereotypical?!

The answer: NO!

First off, the minute we walked in -- i went with a pregnant girlfriend -- it felt like we were being yelled at. I had no idea what was completely being said but i got the jist that they wanted to know a few things: why are you here? do you have an appointment? pedi? mani? both? color? why are you both so fat? (ok, i threw in that last one, but i totally know they were all thinking it). I had no idea why it took all 8 employees to yell/ask these questions, but it did.

An hour later -- after stuffing our preggo selves with some Mexican food -- we headed back to the salon for our appointments.

We settled in the massage chairs, and the fun began.

I have no idea where the pedi ladies are from, but wherever they grew up they clearly did NOT get a lesson in gossiping.

Gossip Rule #1: when you are talking about someone/someone's feet, it's best not to hold up the foot, yell down the line at all your co-workers, point at the foot and start chatting. Ummm, no, i don't know what you are saying, but i'm pretty sure it ain't good!

Along with totally dissing our feet, the ladies also talked about each and every woman who walked in the salon. When a tall, thin, blond, overly-tanned lady walked in, all the workers stopped, stared, and then rolled their eyes and started "whispering" to each other.

When my lady was ready for my other foot, she would grunt at me until i guessed what she wanted me to do. My girlfriend's lady was a little nicer, even though she spent the hour telling my friend how "huge your belly is." When my friend motioned to my belly and noted that i too was expecting and was further along, her pedi lady brushed it off and said "Yeah, but your belly is much much bigger. healthy baby." I think "healthy baby" means "fat kid you got there," but i don't know.

Besides the gossiping, the other thing that didn't jive with me was the fact that i'm pretty sure -- no, i know -- that they use the same tools on everyone's feet. GROOOOOSSSSSS. This is the exact reason why i've gone 29 years without a pedi. Yes, my toes look nice, but all i could and can think about is the fact that the pumice stone and cuticle thingy used on me was probably used on 7 other people who are all connected to Kevin Bacon some how.

This experience has not soured me to pedis. Like i said, i will partake in another (my girl T. Marie told me of a place that does not use the same tools on everyone!), just not at Natural Nails in Sooner Mall!

(and i thought all the sistas at the beauty shop were bad!)

Potluck Friday

OHHHHHH What a week it has been....

1. It's not just TGIF, it's TGIMCHF: Thank God it's MC Hammer Friday! Yep, that's right, River and i will be stepping out to my baby boy's first concert tonight. I'm sure he will be have his parachute pants on in utero. I'm going with two crazy girls who i'm sure will make the night loads of fun...AND the concert is at the State Fair, so not only do i get to see MC Hammer, i also get to see all kinds of folks that you only get to see this time of year (unless you are watching cops). I'm going to be the DD tonight since, well, it would be inappropriate for me to throw back a few at the concert. Or would it? My girlfriend made an interesting point: "I'm sure you would not be the only pregnant woman drinking at the State Fair." True Dat, but i'll refrain!
   
   
2. We all know that men are just a different species. They think different from any other animal on this planet. I love to watch them in their natural habitat. I love to just sit back and see how their mind works. I did this recently and here is what i saw:
   ReRe: Baby, what's going on on the back of your boxers?
   James: Huh? (tries to turn far enough behind him to check it out, of course he can't see)
   ReRe: You have a big hole! It's like you are naked!
   James: What?! (He goes and looks in the mirror, and sure enough there's a Grand Canyon size piece of material missing).
   
   So what does man do? He takes them off, replaces them with an intact pair, and then puts the holey pair in the dirty clothes -- so of course we can have this same conversation next week.
   ReRe: Umm, baby, how about you put those in the TRASH.
   James: Good idea.
   
   
3. So folks are really loving this Facebook dilly whopper where you can tell everyone where you are right then and there (i'm sure i've ranted about this, but i'm gonna rant again). Not only do folks not need to know that you are at the Waffle House, BUT isn't that basically and open invite for folks to go rob you? Especially if you are telling the world you are somewhere that is way to cool to be in your home state? There's no Ikea in Oklahoma, but last week i had 5 girlfriends who all checked in there, and if i was a ghettoer person, i would have been checking in at their fancy houses! But i'm not that ghetto (and i'm too hot, pregnant and lazy to go break the law) -- but i guarantee you we all have at least one ghetto person on our friends list who would totally ponder the idea (that's why i try to keep all my ghetto friends on Myspace -- Separate but Equal-ish).
   
   
4. I'm so glad Fall TV is back! Glee and Big Bang Theory were greatly missed in the James and ReRe household. The Real Housewives of Atlanta returns Monday! Now i'm just waiting on V to come back and i'll be a happy couch potato.
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz featuring Nicki Minaj (who is kinda weird):
   

Potluck Friday

Woot-Woot to Friday!

1. I'm running on 2 hours of sleep, so if i start rambling end this post mid-sentence you will know why. I was actually getting some good, dead-to-the world sleep last night -- until my great aunt called me at 12:30 a.m. I didn't answer, i thought it would be safer for me to not answer than to answer and yell at one of my elders. But boy was i ticked. She did leave a voicemail that said something to the tune of "hey baby, it's aunt loves to call you at midnight. call me back." Seriously. Seriously. In her defense we do have an ailing family member so we've been talking a lot more, but not 12:30 IN THE MORNING! So of course i couldn't fall back to sleep so i sat up surfing the interweb, watching my stories and some Family Guy. At 2 a.m. my need for revenge kicked in, so i called my aunt back -- she didn't answer. I bet she was counting sleep like nobody's business.
   
   
2. So apparently this lady couldn't think of any better way to get national attention other than splashing her face with acid and saying a stranger did it. What a wack job. She couldn't, i don't know, pretend to be kidnapped, pretend to be a man and announce she's pregnant, call TLC and tell them she's a little person with 6 kids and pregnant with quads? Yeah, these all are extreme (except for that last thing, TLC would eat that up), but they are all way saner than putting acid on her face. What i love about this story is it was a blogger who started questioning her story! See, bloggers aren't just attention hogs blabbing on the interweb!
   
   
3. Later today i will be doing something i've never done: getting a pedicure! I've been doing a lot of grooming in preparation for my little man's arrival. NO, i won't be one of those ladies who goes to the hospital with a face full of make-up and big Oscar-ready hair, but i don't want to look like i could be on the cover of National Geographic either. So over the next few weeks i'm getting my baby beauty on. I'm gonna get my feet in order -- i don't want folks to be so focused on rough hammer toes that the aren't paying attention to the person coming out of me. I'm gonna make sure my hair is nap-free as well. When my boy is born, i want him to know he's in good hands -- not the hands of a woman with sticka bush hair and man feet!
   
   
4. If James and I had our own reality show and at the end of each week it showed a Clip of the Week (something outrageous or hilarious), this week's Clip of the Week would be us trying to figure out how the baby travel system works. Putting the stroller together was not difficult, it only took a few minutes to pop on the wheels, but trying to figure out how the car seat actually hooks to the stroller was another story -- that i still haven't mastered. Oh, and those carriers are NOT light, which kind of freaks me out b/c if i think it's heavy WITHOUT a baby in it, what i'm gonna do when i add 7 pounds (ok, yea right, 9 pounds) to it? Clip of the Week!
   
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? It's not new, but the more i hear it the more i love Usher "DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again."
   
   

What i was doing 22 years ago...

Happy 22nd Birthday to Middle Bro!


22 years ago today i was 7 years-old and my mama asked me a question that changed my life: Do you want to go school or do you want to go with me to the hospital so i can have the baby?

Umm, even at 7 i knew that i wanted what was behind door #2! So we hopped in the car and my laboring mom drove to my Uncle Ben's house so he could drive us to the hospital in OKC. Uncle Ben came out of the house with a cold, unopened beer. My mom immediately grabbed the beer and sucked all the condensation off the can, thus was the beginning of what i now know is called active labor.

She panted and sucked that beer can for the entire 45 minute drive, while my 7 year-old self made a promise to my future self to NEVER have a baby. EVER. (fail)

Uncle Ben pulled up in front of the hospital and hopped out to go get some help. The next thing i knew, my mom was slipping off her red shorts. "What are you doing?!" I squealed. "I can't wait sweetie, the baby is coming now. Give me your hand."

I'll never forget how all that pressure on my tiny chunky hand felt as my mom squeezed down. It felt like she was squeezing my hand forever, but it couldn't have been too long -- help still hadn't arrived!

What we now know was a baby boy fell on the floor board of the car. The baby cried. I cried: "Pick it up, pick it up!!!!" My mom cried: "No! It's going to be a boy and I don't want a boy!"

Yes ladies and gents, my mom -- who eventually birthed two boys who she spoiled rotten -- spent 37 years of her life adamant that if she had ever a boy "the doctor better put it where he found it."

When help finally arrived, they found this scene: A half-dressed postpartum woman sitting in the front seat, a chunky, shocked 7 year-old in the backseat, and a naked newborn crying on the floor. And we were locked in the car!

I remember nurses and docs knocking on the windows and telling us to unlock the doors. The windows were slightly cracked and rain was starting to come in. I don't know if my mom was just shocked because she had just delivered a baby with her 7 year-old in the backseat of the car, or if she was shocked at the prospect that this baby on the floor might be a boy. Either way, it felt like forever until the doors finally unlocked and we all got out of the car.

And sure enough baby that crying baby was a boy. My little brother Jared!

I spent the next couple of hours with my Uncle Ben. Our first trip was to the car wash. I remember him looking down to the ground, smoking his cigarette, shaking his head and saying "My car will never be the same. Never." He later sold that car.

I was very excited to go to school the next day. Not only was it Friday, but it was Show 'n Tell and i had the best tell ever! Ms. Love let me go first so i could tell everyone why i was absent the day before. The story was like the above, except Ms. Love cut me off when i got to the part where i explained that my new little brother came out covered in what my 7 year-old mind could only describe as stuff that looked like butter ( i now know that "butter" is really called vernix caseosa).

I will admit it was not love-at-first-sight with my new brother. I was jealous. And he wasn't all that cute in the beginning (and he would agree with me). But i must say that i've fallen deeply in love over the last 22 years. Middle Bro -- who i have called Bubby for 22 years and will do so for the rest of my life! -- is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love him dearly and am so grateful he made me his big sister! Happy Birthday Bubby! Go party like it's 1988 -- but with less crying and more clothes on!

Move over Bra, there's another sheriff in town that the ladies are gonna love!

You know what's wrong with the world today? You can't tell the difference between a real product commercial and a Saturday Night Live skit. Wait, well, maybe you can, but sadly the commercials are wayyyy funnier than SNL these days.

Here's an example:



Don't get me wrong, i totally see the need for something like this. I'm a booby girl and could totally make use for something like this -- probably could have used it yesterday -- but i still can't help but laugh at the ad. My favorite quote is at the :27 mark:

"So you can decide just how much cleavage you'll show."

I love how the announcer tried to be so professional with that line! I'm sure left on the cutting board floors are audio clips of her saying:

"So you can decide if you are gonna tease or please."
"So you can decide if you really want that raise or not."
"So you can decide if the girls get to come out and play."

Love it.

TLC is teasing all the men

So TLC has a new obsession. We all know the network is addicted to little people and people with lots of babies, but apparently TLC is also dabbing into a polygamy obsession and is kicking off a new show called Sister Wives.


My hubby is the one who told me about this upcoming program, which is weird because it's not really a reality TV person...
Anywhoo, we've had several conversations over the topic, and of course i just had to share:

ReRe: Have you noticed that all the wives, or "sister wives" are always kinda homely? I mean, you never see a dude married to 9 hot chicks, they are always just kind plain janes, not too cute at all.
James: Well, i think we should give a plane jane a chance and bring one in!
ReRe: NOT gonna happen. Why is always the dude anyway? You never really hear about ladies with multiple husbands...probably because they are smart. Most of us don't want the one husband we have! Who would want 8 more men to have to bug to pick up their crap?
James: Yeah, you'd have to remind 8 more guys to pick up their underwear.
ReRe: Or remind 8 more guys to throw away the empty milk carton instead of just leaving it on the counter EVERY. DAY.
James: Well, if i had an extra wife, SHE could throw away that carton.

I guess point made?

But it's still NOT gonna happen! (I doubt James is gonna find 8 more mouthy black ladies who are willing to share a hubby. SISTA wives DON'T exist!)

Potluck Friday

1. My hubby has been reprimanding me for not blogging all week. I apologize, BUT in my defense i must say it's hard to wake up and be funny when you are living on 3 hours of sleep. I expect to be sleep deprived in 6 weeks when my boy comes, but no one told me that the last few weeks of pregnancy are so freaking uncomfortable. I've always had junk in the trunk, but trying to sleep with junk in the trunk and front -- and then peeing every 30 seconds is a lot harder than i thought it'd be. So again, i apologize. But at least i gotta Potluck for ya (that's all that counts!).
   
   
   
2. So about 6 months ago i had to break down and buy some clinical strength deodorant (that sets me back $8. EIGHT BUCKS). Another thing no one told me is that hormones can drastically change and make you funkier. Well, they can. BUT this week i realized that my hormones had not changed...the only thing that freaking changed is that Sure deodorant decided to get all sneaky and change its package to look like my Secret. Yes, 6 months ago on my deodorant run, i accidentally grabbed a Sure, thinking it was my Secret (which has not told on me in 17 years). But after a few days i just felt wet and funk. Instead of taking a good look at my deodorant and realizing it was the wrong brand, i just got depressed that the deodorant strong enough for a man, but made for a woman was no longer made for me. This week James ran out of deodorant and decided to use the "Secret" that was still sitting on dresser -- untouched since March. It wasn't until he was putting it on that i realized "THAT'S NOT SECRET! AND I'M NOT FUNKY(ER)!" So i think the folks who make Sure should pay me $24 -- that's $8 that i shelled out monthly for my clinical strength deodorant. You owe me Sure.
   
   
3. As we prepare for the arrival of River, we've really been trying to act like good parents, you know, pretend like he's already here and try to do things like: wear more clothes around the house (yes, we are THOSE people), sit at the dinner table (we are striving to be THOSE people), and (this is something James is working on) not making suggestive motions when i'm bent over the oven. Another thing we are working on is making sure the pan and pot handles are not hanging over the stove when we cook. I'm better than James at ensuring all the handles are turned. The other day i pointed to his handles and reminded him of the safety risk:
   ReRe: (pointing to pot handle) Baby, what would happen if River grabbed this and poured hot food all over his face? We have to keep these turned in.
   James: If River can reach through your ya-ya and grab that pot handle, i say more power to him.
   We will continue to work on this.
   
   
   
   
4. I don't think i'm a fan of the new location thingy on Facebook. For two reasons: 1) it could be a safety risk. Do you really want to tell 600+ people you just arrived at some restaurant 900 miles away from your house? I don't know about you, but i have some ghetto Facebook friends who i DON'T want knowing when i'm out of town! and 2) It's annoying! know one cares that you are at 'home', 'wal-greens' , or 'kfc.' The only time you should use this feature is if you are somewhere really cool or really shady. For example 'sugers' is a great example (for those of you who don't know, Sugers is a skeezy strip club on Campus Corner, and i'm pretty sure they'd hire me today (that tells you a lot!). You can't tell me you wouldn't roll on the floor if you saw, say your pastor or uncle put that he had just arrived at Sugers!
   
   
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? It's "Break My Bank" by New Boyz featuring lyza:
   
   
   

Potluck Friday

1. First i must say that i think drugs are bad. BUT does it make me a bad person that i think some drugs are badder (yes i said badder) than other. It's kind of like a sin. You know, a sin is a sin is a sin. But in reality, some sins are worse than others. Coveting your neighbor's wife is a sin, but it's way better than going over there and choking your neighbor and hiding his body in the basement. So, any who, some drugs are badder than others, which is why i was doubly disappointed in the hotness that is T.I. when i read that not only was he arrested for drug possession, but one of those drugs was METH. Meth?!!!! Come on T.I. Have you not seen the Crystal Darkness documentary (I have a copy i can loan you and your wifey)? Have you never seen meth mouth? It's bad to get arrested for drugs at all, but to get arrested fro meth is even trashier. yuck.
   
2. Guess what i'm gonna be doing this weekend? Here are some clues: yellow cake with chocolate icing, lots of red drink and sweet tea, collard greens, fried chicken, dominoes, old dudes dancing and cuttin up, so loud you can't hear your own thoughts. If you said going to a family reunion, you are wrong. I'm going to a BLACK FOLKS family reunion. We get down different than any other folks and it's gonna be on! Did i ever tell you about the first time I took James to a reunion? We were in the food line and he leaned over and pointed to the collard greens and said "What's that?" I said "Greens." he replied "What are 'greens'?" And the entire dining hall got quiet and everyone looked at him like he was an alien. He now knows what greens are -- he can never forget.
   
3. James and i had fun last weekend in Texas, but it did make us appreciate a few things about Oklahoma (you never really appreciate what you got till you don't have it for a while):
   -- Smoke-free restaurants. I never realized how nice it was that Okiehoma restaurants are smoke free, until we were sitting at a Texas Chili's trying to enjoy our meal via burning eyes and the taste of Newports in our throats. ick! I was so confused when the hostess asked "Smoking or non-smoking?"
   
   --street signs that are easy to read. Maybe it's just a Waco thing, or maybe we are just dumb. But i think it's way easier to get around Okiehoma than Texas. Once you get off I-35, you are kinda SOL -- or at least we were. Mapquest and our android GPS didn't even know how to get us around Waco. But we figured it out.
   
   --good radio stations. Maybe i'd enjoy Texas stations if i was in to country, Spanish music, or (even worse) spanish country, but I'M NOT. The minute we crossed the border, the music went to crap. For goodness sakes, Beyonce is from Houston, so why is it so hard to find a station that allows me to drop it like it's hot while i drive?
   
4. I'm not gonna lie: I'm pretty excited about seeing Mike "The Situation" on Dancing with the Stars. I hope he dances shirt-less. Say what you want about Jersey Shore and "The Situation" but there's no denying that the boy's abs are fantabulous. He's no James, but it aint bad!
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? Well, i'm not usually a fan of Maroon 5, but i'm loving the song "Misery"
   

James and Sam Malone are like this!

James and i spent the past weekend in Waco, Texas watching some great folks get hitched. It was a nice get-away, even though Texas interstates (or maybe it's just Waco streets) confused the beejesus out of us.

In perfect James fashion, our weekend got started off with some funny as we were getting ready to hit the road:

James: I'm gonna use some of your black girl shampoo so my hair can look all good for Dallas.
ReRe: We aren't going to Dallas. We are going to Waco. That's like saying you are getting all prettied up for Halle Berry, but you are really going out with Whoopi.
James: If Whoopi's good enough for Ted Danson, she's good enough for me.

(glad to know my boy has standards!)

Potluck Friday

1. In less than 3 hours i'm gonna get to see my boy's face -- well, if he cooperates! James and I are going to go do one of those freaky 3D ultrasounds. I'll admit that every 3D u/s i've seen has scared me to death. The babies look like aliens and it's just wrong how their legs will be up by their ears. BUT this u/s will be different cus it's MY KID! And of course he'll be a cute as can be (even if he looks freaky, i will never admit it)!
   
2. As I approach the end of my 20's -- 10 days till my 29th birthday -- i've realized that i'm old. No, i'm not Joan Rivers old, but i'm old enough that there are just some things I -- and other folks my age and older -- should just not be doing or saying. Those things include:
   -- dying your hair two-toned. I'm not talking about highlights. I'm talking about platinum blond on the top and black on the bottom. Not cool (don't thin it ever was, but definitely not cool at this age)
   --getting nose rings, belly rings, any ring but an ear ring and tattoos. This should have been done about 8 years ago. No 29 year-old woman should wake up one morning and say "I think i'm gonna go get a tramp stamp today!"
   --Seriously use the term "baby daddy" or "baby mama." Yes, i jokingly call James my baby daddy, but it pains me to hear folks use this term in a serious manner such as court!
   --Posting Facebook updates about how hung over you are or how last night you beat someone up.
   --Now, this one might be my own personal opinion (cus the rest are facts and laws): saying phrases like "What it do" "That's what's up" "Imma do me/Doin Me" or any other form of that. I cringe when i hear folks who aren't Lil Wayne or my 19 year-old brother say that.
   
3. James and I rented Hot Tub Time Machine this week, and i will admit this to only my closest friends: I FREAKING LOVED IT. Yes, it had crude language, explicit drug use and naked body parts, but it was hilarious! I truly believe that i'm a teenage boy, so that's what's up.
   
4. What am i jamming this week? I don't know if it's hormones or just b/c i'm a girlie girl, but every time i hear that song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars i want to cry (i've actually cried once). If i was a man and James was a woman, i'd sing it to him every day. Heck, i think i'm gonna sing it to him anyway:
   

Pet Peeves

don't you dare think the title of this post has ANYTHING to do with hormones. I've had these pet peeves for way longer than my 32 weeks of pregnancy, it just so happens that i'm letting them out now. So don't go assuming!

2 pet peeves that have been driving me nuts this week:

1. folks who slow down when they see a cop has someone pulled over: Ummm, i don't understand this. He ALREADY has someone, he ain't looking at you. When i see a cop has already caught his fish, i take it as my opportunity to raise up my Forty and wave at him. Ok, not really, but you can AT LEAST go the freaking speed limit. But no, 99 percent of folks creep by, like he's gonna tell the person he already caught "Ok, nevermind your speeding, i'm gonna go after that guy over there for, umm, just because." NO people! just drive like normal -- or even a little faster than normal -- because Mr. PoPo is occupado.
   
2. folks who take forever in the drive-thru: What the heck are these people ordering?! This ain't Golden Corral, Cracker Barrel or some other restaurant. This is freaking Mickey D's. There should be no need to peruse the menu -- you've been here enough times and seen enough commercial to know what the clown serves. But no, you are just looking and looking, talking and talking. Do me a favor, ask little Billy if he wants a cheeseburger happy meal or "chicken" nuggets BEFORE you leave the house. And you know Billy is not gonna eat it anyway, the fries are gonna just end up in the backseat next to the gold fish crackers and gum. And i don't know what's worse, the person who takes forever to order and then you see all they got was a coke -- what the heck were you talking about, health care reform, BP? -- or the person who gets like 8 bags and 15 drinks handed out the window AND still has to pull up for the rest of their order. Dang, Wally World is up the street, go buy some real food and cook it.

Ok, i'm done! Happy Hump Day!

Convos with my Cousin

I'm sure some of you remember my tales of my crazy cousin Keisha -- trying out for American Idol a month after the season was already on, calling me in while she was in labor and trying to chit chat and gossip, leaving voicemails on her phone telling the repo company they were never gonna find her car, etc.

She's given herself the title of my "favorite cousin" and frankly i have to admit that she does keep me entertained the most. Every time i talk to her, 5 new blogs immediately come to my mind. Here is a synopsis of yesterday's conversation:

Crazy Cousin Keisha: Hey cousin! Guess what?
ReRe: What? ( i always get nervous when she starts conversations like that)
Crazy Cousin Keisha: I'm getting married?
ReRe: To the old guy?
CCK: No! I am done with him. Well...we are still together, but we aint' "together."
are you as confused as i was?
ReRe: Huh? Ok? So who are you marrying.
CCK: XXX (i'm protecting all identities, well except my cousin's!). I used to date him 6 years ago and we've recently reconnected.
ReRe: And now you are engaged?
CCK: Yeah, but we aren't going to get married for a while....he's not eligible for parole until 2027.
ReRe: WHAT?! He's in prison? How did you meet a dude in prison?
CCK: DOC website.
ReRe: Keisha! That website is NOT E Harmony or Match.com! You don't look up people on that site so you can date them!
CCK: Girl, i know! But there's just something about him.
ReRe: Yeah, there is, it's called prison. If a dude is wearing state-issued underwear, he is UNDATEABLE. And i guarantee you he is writing you and probably 4 other ladies who all think in 17 years he's gonna marry them.
CCK: You think?
ReRe: Ummm, yeah. EVERY dude in prison wants to marry you -- until they get out of prison!
CCK: Cousin, you are my conscience! I'm so glad you i talked to you. You really got me thinking...
Yes! I'm getting through! I'm getting through!
CCK: ...when i talk to him tonight i'm gonna ask him if he's writing anyone else.

Oh well, i thought i was getting through. Wait, that was harsh. I don't know Mr. State-Issued Underpants. Maybe he really is only into my cousin, maybe he'll be honest with her and say he has 15 other fiances...and maybe he didn't commit that armed robbery.

Step Up 3D -- The REview

Have you ever been walking through Wally World and you thought to yourself: Someone should film me shopping and make it 3D?

You know you aren't doing anything worthy of 3D -- like throwing cans of green beans at the screen or pushing the cart really hard -- but heck, it would still be fun!

Well, this is exactly what had to be going through the minds of the folks who made Step Up 3D. Remember when i laughed hysterically at this film, promising that i would NEVER see it. Well, i went back on a self-promise because my girl Kerra likes bad movies and for her 28th b-day, i took her to see this turd (yes, i'm a good friend).

There are no words for how bad, yet good this movie was. Bad -- because, well, it's a 3D dance movie with no famous folks, need i say more. And good -- because, well, it's a 3D dance movie with no famous folks.

I laughed hysterically throughout the entire thing, but i don't think it was meant to be a comedy. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE me some dance movies. Nothing gets better than Breakin' 2: the Electric Boogaloo. But Step Up 3D had no dancing on the ceiling, high-yella brothas with jeri curls or cool 80s clothes.

But Setp Up 3D did have some "good" stuff:

• Let's say you are an 18 year-old dude and in the bathroom doing your business at the urinal. The next thing you know a group of dudes walk in with not-so-nice looks on their faces. Do you think 1) these dudes are gonna make a prison video with me 2) these dudes are gonna beat me to death or 3) these guys wanna have a dance off with me.
  
  if you picked #3, then you've either seen Step Up 3D or you had a really weird childhood. The bathroom dance scene made me squeamish. All i kept thinking was, don't put your hands on that! yuck!
  


• I also laughed hysterically at the Fred Astairesque dance scene between the curly headed guy (who up until half way through i thought was a girl -- his hair is FAB!) and that little cute girl from the Missy Eliot video. They randomly start dancing in the street in the street with trash can lids, running through cabs, stealing bystander's hats, etc. I busted a gut.
  


• Oh, and i can't leave out the one 3D "worthy" scene where hot guy and his love interest stand on top of an air conditioning unit with their Icee drinks. they slurp through their straws, place it over the AC unit and...OMG! icee bubbles look like they are going to land on me! What?! Seriously? did i just pay $13 to watch that?

I did pick up one good thing from the movie: BFABB. That means Born From a Boom Box.

You better call Antoine...CALL HIM!

There are no words for this, so just watch!



And Now watch this!

Potluck Friday

This has been a loooooooooooooong week. But it's almost ova!

1. So this was week 2 of birth class, and i must say that it should be illegal to show the videos we are watching. Remember the crowning scene in Knocked Up that lasted about 7 seconds but stayed with you forever? Well, imagine 2 hours of that -- for 5 weeks! I thought i was more mature, but apparently i haven't changed since 10th grade when we watched Miracle of Life and sat there with my eyes half closed, squeezing my legs until they hurt. The difference between now and then is: Then, my thought was "That's gross and i'm never going to do that." and Now, my thought is "That's gross, and i'm doing that in 10 weeks." On the bright side, James is not freaked out at all, so at least i know he will be a good labor coach.
   
2. Speaking of babies, labor and all that fun stuff. The other day i was perusing my favorite site -- well, besides this one --Babycenter and saw the funniest post in a forum: Can anyone tell me where to find plus-size skinny jeans? I cracked up when i read this. Is this lady serious? I'm one of those plus-size ladies who truly believes just because it comes in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it! Honestly, i don't think ANYONE should wear skinny jeans. They are just not flattering -- unless you are going for the junkie look. I just found it amusing that the words "plus-size" and "skinny" were both used to describe a pair of jeans!
   
3. I don't know if electing to make his exit via the emergency slide was his best decision, but i can't help but to look up to JetBlue's Steven Slater for doing what so many of us who have every worked customer service have wanted to do! Oh how i wish i could go back and yell at some folks at Burger King, like the crazy dude who didn't want me to touch any of his stuff. Or the crazy Target lady who was mad that i wouldn't accept a check from her -- after watching her scratch out the printed name on top and write in her own name! Go Steven!
   
4. What am i jamming this week? "I Got Your Back" by T.I. featuring Keri Hilson. All i have to say about T.I. is mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm good!

Products for WoMEN

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, i saw this ad:


Seriously?! The Shake Weight is bad enough (even though i do want one for Christmas b/c this kiddo has made my arms giant), but a shake weight for dudes?! Ladies, if your man asks for a Shake Weight, chances are he probably has a secret encounters ad posted on Craigs List -- and it ain't seeking women.

Shake Weight for men is not the only thing that's got me worried about the mindset of our men. This ad also worries me:


I'm not trying to say men can't worry about their "figures," but nothing is less sexy then a dude in a girdle.
Shake Weight for Men, Slim Ts. What's next? Midol for men?

Potluck Friday

Happy Potluck Friday! Unfortunately my Potluck Friday chef icon dude is refusing to load, but i assure you this is a potluck!

1. You know how they say you learn something new every day? Well, it's soooooo true. Wednesday i learned something very useful: you can block status updates from certain folks on Facebook! Now, i know many of you already know this (that's because you are mean people. I on the other hand struggle even ignoring a friend request). Why will this new knowledge come in so handy, you ask? Because frankly folks aren't taking me seriously when i say ENOUGH WITH HE FARMVILLE CRAP! I'm not kidding people. Some of you have yet to post anything outside of "XXXX needs help with their chickens." Oh wait, there is one of you -- and you know who you are -- who once posted a "real" update "Hey guys, can you help me do something really dorky on Farmville that's gonna annoy ReRe." Ok, so i added that last part, but you get the jist. So yes, today i will be going through and hiding the updates from the folks who only do Farmville. If that goes well, i might start hiding updates from people who only tell the world how much they love their spouse. I love James too, don't get me wrong. But i prefer to tell HIM, not my 600 facebook friends. Showing some love here and there is no biggie, but seriously, every day do you have to start your day off with a "Hugs honey! XXOOOXXXOO" update?! Roll over and tell him in bed!
   
2. I've mentioned before my love for Big Brother. And i hate to admit it, but my love for Rachel is growing too. Yeah, she seems like she may be a few ants short of a picnic, but she cracks me up. The only thing i would change about her is the goodbye speech she gives to all the evicted house guests. It goes something like this "XXXXX I'm glad you're going home. That's what you get for trying to talk to my man. Don't you ever try to come between me and my man again." I find this amusing for 2 reasons: 1) her man has only been her man for like 30 days. and we all know how those showmances work and 2) she says this speech to EVERY evicted house guests, whether they are male or female. I think she should have a talk with her man if she feels like she has to tell other dudes to back it up. I'm just saying.
   
3. While i'm complaining about reality TV people, i might as well moan about Kenny on Top Chef. Does he not realize that he has a 1 in 17 shot at being named Top Chef? I don't think he does b/c every week he acts all shocked that he didn't win the challenge. Act shocked if you are in a competition by yourself. But you are not. And you can't win them all! I've never seen anyone who likes himself that much, besides Spencer Pratt. That's it! Kenny is the black Spencer Pratt.
   
4. Last week at camp, i told the girls "If you tinkle and you sprinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seatie." They all got a kick out of it. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was not a ReRe original, but that i memorized it when i was 7. My grandma had that posted in the bathroom. Anywhoo, i understand maybe having to remind 6th grade girls this, but there is NO REASON for grown folks to have to be reminded of this. Yet i'm amazed at how many times i go into bathrooms and see not just sprinkles, but straight up, umm, how do i say this and still sound like a lady? POO. Straight up POO residue on the seat. As my girl Sara said yesterday as we stared at disgust at one of the toilets "How do you not know that shiznit is running down your leg and smearing on the toilet?" So, if you are guilty of not doing a glance back when you are done doing your bizness, chances are i'm talking to you! So, stop posting Farmville messages and stop leaving your ickiness on the toilet!
   
5. What am i jamming this week? Not really anything new. I did bust out some burned CDs that my roomie and i made 8 years ago for our joint 21st Birthday. So i've been jamming some old-school Keith Sweat, Jay-Z, and even some Kris Kross (cus i'm the miggity miggity miggity miggity mack daddy!)

Sweet Besus! The best blast from the past!

If you are a child of the late 80s, early 90s, you will wet your pants when you see what's coming soon to a theater near you: OREGON TRAIL -- THE MOVIE!!!

Don't tell me you don't remember that high you would get when you popped that floppy disk in and played Oregon Trail. Remember the tears you got when you learned all of your family members died -- but 5 seconds later you opted to hunt instead of bury them. Oh, those were the days. Move over Mario Kart and Call of Duty. You ain't got nothing on some Oregon Trail.

I blushed -- and that's not easy for me to do

I never thought this day would come, but apparently it has: i'm an old, conservative fogie. Well, at least when it comes to onesies for my kiddo.

While strolling through the mall last week, i decided to pop into Spencer's to check out the hip/trendy baby gear. River already has a selection of cool onesies like a RUN DMC one and a Bob Marley one (his daddy's personal favorite), but i figured he can't ever be too cool.

The minute i started looking at the offerings my jaw fell on the floor. I'm no prude -- ask my girlfriends -- but i just don't want my kid to be in anything that says:

• I love my mom...even though she's a B!TCH (I added the !)


• I love to suck titties


• My dad is a magician. He put his wand in mom's box and I popped out


• Watch your F$cking mouth, there's a baby over here!

I could go on, but this is a family blog!

River will have to make do with the hip onesies at Wally World that say things like

• If you think i'm handsome, you should see my daddy


• Wild Child

Potluck Friday

Never thought this day would get here!

1. First my apologies for the lack of blogs this week. Of course James made me feel guilty every day with "Why haven't you posted?" and "You really have been slacking this week." Well folks, i have no excuse. Well, yes i do. I've been going in at 7 a.m. every day and trust me when i say you don't want to read what's on my mind that early in the morning. It ain't funny or family-friendly! But i feel refreshed today and can't end the week without a potluck!
   
   
2. Words are not enough for the joy i have now that Jersey Shore is back on! My life is now complete: Big Brother and Jersey Shore!!! Some folks are embarrassed to admit they love these shows -- but not me!
   
   
3. I've been at a summer camp program for pre-teen girls all week. They learning about all kinds of stuff -- staying away from drugs, healthy relationships and apparently how big your ankles get when you are knocked up. Earlier this week one of the campers decided to tell me the obvious:
   Camper (in country-boony twang): OMG! Your ankles are so swollen.
   ReRe (amused, annoyed and a little offended): Yes, yes they are . I'm 7 months pregnant.
   Camper: Are they supposed to get that BIG?
   ReRe (once again amused, annoyed and little offended): Yes. It's normal.
   
   Then the camper proceeds to go up to the other camp instructors (who are also pregnant) and point out that their ankles are no where near as big as mine are. I wanted to point out that their pre-pregnancy a$$es were no where near as big as mine either, but i just smiled.
   
   
4. Today is the first day of the third-trimester -- 12 more weeks to go. Some days it feels like pregnancy is flying by, and some days (when it's 90+ degrees) it feels like it will never end. I'm officially nesting. The crib is up, the changing table and dresser will go up tonight. I will soon start packing my bag so it will be ready. I told James that his next duty would be clearing out some cabinet space in the kitchen so we'll have a spot for bottles and all the other baby stuff babies apparently need. James' reply:
   He's not kosher. We just just stack his stuff on top of our.
   
   Ok then!
   
   
5. In honor of the return of Jersey Shore, and because i love this song, my jam of the week is Enrique Iglesias' "I Like It" featuring PitBull.
   

Men are just nasty

Yesterday James got a taste of what ladies have to go through anytime we must go to the bathroom: long lines.

When we got out of the movies (We saw Inception. It was good, but not AMAZING the way folks are making it out to be) the line to the men's room was crazy long. I've never seen so many dudes lined up to potty. Amazingly i didn't have to go -- probably b/c i went twice before the movie and probably 20 times earlier that day. Anywhoo, I posted up against a wall b/c i knew it was gonna be a while.

To my shock, the line moved really fast. Before I knew it James was no longer outside the bathroom and had moved his way in. I attributed the fast line to the fact that men don't have as much work to do as women when it comes to going to the bathroom (they can just whip it out and go). But apparently the line and whole experience moved fast for another reason, as noted by my hubby:

James: That line was long. I figured i'd be waiting forever to wash my hands, but amazingly the line was only for the urinals -- no line at all to wash your hands!

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

The Poopty Dance

Who says white boys can't rap?!

This morning my hubby announced to me that he was going to do his business in the bathroom (why he thinks he must tell me, i don't know. but i guess it prepares me for having a son).

James got creative with his announcement:

Stop whatcha doin' cus i'm about to ruin the clean commode that you're used to.

Yes, he channeled his inner-Humpty.

Potluck Friday

Nothing could excite me more than a Friday -- well, a double rainbow could, but that's about it!

1. Guess who i'm NOT calling back -- ever. The U.S. Census Bureau. They've been stalking me for about a month. One evening i get a call from a dude who thinks i'm dumb and thinks that his opening statement of "You've been selected to do a 20-minute Census Survey!" was going to actually make me think that him being on the other line was a good thing. Of course i told him i was busy and to call back the next night at 6:30. He listened like a good boy scout, except i didn't answer. And i haven't answered since that first night, but the Census people still call me daily (twice now). I've done my duty, i turned in the form, that's all your getting from me. Growing up i was trained not to answer "out of area" calls or any other call that could be from a bill collector, so the Census folks are gonna have to get a lot more clever if they think they are getting me to pick up the phone.
   
2. When i worked at Burger King back in the day, i didn't claim to know all there was about whoppers, but like everything in your life, you fake it till you make it. Apparently someone needs to pass that along to the waiter we had last night at Pad Thai on campus corner. One of the dishes James was contemplating stated it had "chili" in it. James, being a vegetarian, wanted to make sure exactly what that meant (did that mean a bang of noodles covered in Hormel chili)? But Tweedle Dumb could not answer that. "Umm, meat? Ummm, i don't know. It's just regular chilli. Ummm, ummmm." Finally he pulled over another guy (the same metro-sexual whose underwear were hanging out all night), who explained that it wasn't actually chili, but chili peppers.
   James: Oh, i guess it should have said chillis -- with an s.
   Metro-sexual: Yeah, but the same guy who wrote the menu is the same guy who wrote the sign on the door that says "Now Taking Application."
   Point made!
   
3. Speaking of Burger King -- It's gross! I was craving a whopper the other day (i don't think i've had one since i worked there 13 years ago). I opt for a whopper junior meal. Of course, like any normal person, the first thing i do as i pull out the drive-thru is reach into the bag to grab a fry. Mistake! I had somehow forgotten how gross BK fries were. I don't understand that with all our technology, why can't BK figure out what Mickey D's is doing and make their fries better. Yeah, yeah, Mickey D's is probably frying their fries in beef fat, cat hair and meth, but i don't care, they are good -- and the King needs to get on the ball. (and don't even get me started on how undelicious that whopper jr. was).
   
4. The time has come. I'm officially old. So old that this weekend i will be at my 10-year high school reunion. I'm probably the only dork excited about going to their reunion. Probably because i have a lot of successes such as:
   --Only one baby daddy, and i married him (BEFORE we made babies).
   --i'm only a little plumper from high school -- and that's just b/c i'm almost 7 months pregnant.
   Ok, i guess those are the only successes that count at reunions! But seriously, i really am excited about seeing folks in real life vs. on Facebook. What i'm not excited about is how much i paid to go to this dang reunion. But oh well.
   
5. What's Re jamming this week? Well, i've rekindled my love for Eminem. I love the song "I love way you lie" ft. Rihanna. (of course Em throws a fit when his stuff is put on youtube, so you'll have to go to the link.