News that isn't

This just in: Ball pits at restaurants are full of germs and your kids can get sick.

Umm, if you are thinking “Duh!,” we are on the same page. That was my exact reaction when I heard that “newsflash” on the news yesterday. Anywhere that requires kids to take off their shoes and then swim around in a pool of plastic balls is going to be disgusting. Kids are gross, feet are gross, and I’m sure plastic balls are gross.

I learned first-hand back in 1997 just how nasty those balls pits are. I was working my first gig at Burger King and the owner came in one day and said the play area was going to close for about a week for a deep cleaning. At first we thought nothing of it, though it was strange because I worked there almost 2 years and this was the only closing for cleaning I ever witnessed. Well, the burger rumormill started spinning and apparently the story was our nighttime porter guy (the guy who came in after closing and scrubbed the grill and emptied out the fry grease) and one of the front counter girls – who was 2 pickles short of a junior whopper (there are only 2 pickles on a junior whopper, so that’s saying a lot) decided to take their “relationship” to the next level…in the ball pit.

They got caught because the owner had cameras installed all over the restaurant (he was concerned that all us grubby teenagers were not paying for our meals ---and he was right). Apparently grease guy and junior whopper girl didn’t realize that if boss man doesn’t want folks stealing in his chicken tenders, he probably doesn’t want them getting their freak on in the ball pit.

The funniest part: they weren’t fired!

I remember talking to junior whopper girl. I gave her my words of wisdom (well, as much as a 16 year-old could): The ball pit?! That is NOT romantic!