Tuesday, August 30, 2011

James: The Black People Whisperer

It should be no surprise that after 8 years together, James has become well-versed in the world of black folks and black women. He knows to not ever splash my hair when we are swimming (heck, he knows to never touch my hair), he knows what ashy means, and he knows his vegetarian self should avoid all vegetables at my family reunions -- because there's a good chance there's a hamhock or some other piece of animal in it.

Knowing all of this about my husband, i still got a kick of him sharing his black folk knowledge in the last week through two interesting conversations.

Black Fact #1: Black Don't Crack

James: I met pretty cool guy at work today. We are going to hang out.
ReRe: Cool. How old is he.
James: Oh, i don't know. Maybe my age, maybe yours. He's a black guy and you can't ever tell how old black folks are cus black don't crack.
ReRe: True!

Black Fact #2: Black Folks eat Greens...not spinach

James and i recently spent a week in Westpointe, Virginia visiting my dad and step-mom. We had so much fun. I stuffed myself on southern food and sea food. James mostly ate cheerios and spaghetti. When we got back we went to visit James' mom to tel her about our trip and let River visit Grandma. I don't know how the subject of greens came up, but t was awesome hearing James try to explain what they were:

"Like salad?"
"No, greens, collard greens."
"Do you eat them cold."
"No, they are hot, usually with some pig fat in them."

This went back and forth, until finally I did the ultimate no-no -- comparing greens to their arch nemesis:

"They are like spinach, kind of. The black people version of spinach."

If Popeye was a brotha, he'd eat greens.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The end of an era

Soooo, the Oxford Dictionary has decided to remove "cassette tape" from the dictionary. Does this mean this is no longer a thing? That these are no longer words when put together? What's next, Pluto?

Yeah, cassette tapes are outdated (i still use a VCR to tape my soaps so i can totally see my self using a cassette tape), but just because something is outdated, should it automatically get the boot? Maybe. Maybe not. It sad enough that the younger generations won't know the sweet pleasures of listening to KJ 103 all day just so you can press Play Record when they FINALLY play your jam (it always ticked me off when the DJ would be talking during the song. I wanna hear Boyz II Men, not TJ and Tooker).

What i find funny is Oxford is axing cassette tape, but is adding: woot, jeggings and mankini.
Ok, i'll give them "woot" because I say it all the time. But Jeggings and Mankini? These things should have never been invented let alone acknowledged enough to be put in the dictionary. And what happens when they (hopefully soon) go out of style? Will Oxford remove them and replace them with the next terrible fad only worn by the Jonas Brothers?

I'm curious if Oxford lists the definition of "dictionary" because those are way more outdated than cassette tapes.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Bad Parenting

Just when i thought parenting couldn't get worse than the train wrecks on Toddlers & Tiaras, I discovered something even more disturbing: Dance Moms on Lifetime.

This show makes the parents on Toddlers & Tiaras look like saints. Dance Moms is the Octomom of TV shows. I don't know what's worse, Abby Lee -- the loud crazy dance instructor who screams at her 10 year-old students like they are the Real Housewives (i'm just waiting for her to throw a table at one of them) or the moms who actually let her yell at their kids like that. I guess these moms have high hopes that their daughters are going to be famous dancers, but let's be honest, there's only room for one J. Lo -- the Queen of Fly Girls -- , and besides Kevin Federline, can anyone even name a backup dancer? No!

The best episode was when Abby Lee dressed the dance group like, ummm, street walkers (complete with crimped hair -- and we all know that the only folks who crimp their hair after 1985 are street walkers) and set them up for a dance competition in Amishville Pennsylvania. Let's just say that their drop it like it's hot routine did NOT impress the judges -- but i hear R. Kelly called a few of the girls!

So wrong! So wrong!

But not as wrong as this:

or this:

Friday, August 5, 2011

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!!!

  1. Yowza, it's been a LOOONGGG time since i've done a Potluck Friday. I'd like to blame River, but i can't. Truth is, it's me! I'm just so dang lazy/tired these days. But i feel refreshed this morning -- even after a 12 hour work day yesterday! So here ya go!

  2. Is it just me, or am i the only who thinks Amy Winehouse died a long time ago and came back as Lady GaGa? I don't know much about either one of "them" so i could be wrong. But did anyone ever see them in the same room at the same time? I'm just saying this is a possibility. If the folks who work at the Daily Planet never figured out that Clark Kent was never around when Superman was, then it's possible that this has also gone unnoticed. Maybe Amy GaGa got tired of playing both roles. Something to think about!

  3. It's Tax Free Weekend here in the great Sooner State. In theory this weekend is supposed to help folks save money while getting ready for Back to School (and stop them from all going to Texas and spending their money there), but in reality it makes absolutely no sense. School Supplies aren't even tax free...yet you can get a wedding dress tax free?! I mean, that's a good deal if you are a bride-to-be, but that does nothing for 1st Grade Billy who has to buy 4 boxes of markers, 3 notebooks, pens, pencil, and 19 boxes of kleenex. Well, i guess it's good for Billy if he's into drag and wants to be a show stopper in an Alfred Angelo wedding dress. You go boy!

  4. New in the world of River: crawling (he prefers to do the Mowgli crawl from the Jungle Book), eating out of the dog bowls, getting on his belly so he can look under the fridge (i'm tempted to give him a broom or something), biting -- just mama, and....his man parts. He discovered them recently and they are clearly cooler than anything Fisher Price can make.

  5. What's ReRe jamming this week? A LOT! There are some great songs out there. One of my faves is "Sure Thing" by Miguel. It's another one of those that just makes you wanna grab the one you love and cuddle up!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

News that isn't

This just in: Ball pits at restaurants are full of germs and your kids can get sick.

Umm, if you are thinking “Duh!,” we are on the same page. That was my exact reaction when I heard that “newsflash” on the news yesterday. Anywhere that requires kids to take off their shoes and then swim around in a pool of plastic balls is going to be disgusting. Kids are gross, feet are gross, and I’m sure plastic balls are gross.

I learned first-hand back in 1997 just how nasty those balls pits are. I was working my first gig at Burger King and the owner came in one day and said the play area was going to close for about a week for a deep cleaning. At first we thought nothing of it, though it was strange because I worked there almost 2 years and this was the only closing for cleaning I ever witnessed. Well, the burger rumormill started spinning and apparently the story was our nighttime porter guy (the guy who came in after closing and scrubbed the grill and emptied out the fry grease) and one of the front counter girls – who was 2 pickles short of a junior whopper (there are only 2 pickles on a junior whopper, so that’s saying a lot) decided to take their “relationship” to the next level…in the ball pit.

They got caught because the owner had cameras installed all over the restaurant (he was concerned that all us grubby teenagers were not paying for our meals ---and he was right). Apparently grease guy and junior whopper girl didn’t realize that if boss man doesn’t want folks stealing in his chicken tenders, he probably doesn’t want them getting their freak on in the ball pit.

The funniest part: they weren’t fired!

I remember talking to junior whopper girl. I gave her my words of wisdom (well, as much as a 16 year-old could): The ball pit?! That is NOT romantic!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Oh, no he DIDN'T...

So some of my friends have been raving about this olive oil and sugar scrub that supposed to make your skin feel baby smooth. So Sunday morning I decided to give it a try ...and i was IMPRESSED! I told River "in your face buddy; i'm just as smooth as you." I admit i got a little carried away with the scrub and we ended up being 20 minutes late to church -- and this conversation ensued between my loving husband and me:

ReRe: We are so late to church.
James: If someone hadn't taken so much time scrubbing herself with olive oil and sugar we'd be on time.
ReRe: Hey! It was worth it. Did you feel how smooth I am? Feel my feet. They are so smooth. Jesus would wash these feet!
James: Well, yes he would...he did wash the feet of hookers.

You will be missed James
1976-Sunday, July 31, 2011 10:06 a.m.
Cause of death: his mouth!