Monday, October 31, 2011

No meat? that just ain't right, suga!

I am convinced that black folks -- especially older black folks -- don't understand the concept of vegetarianism (i'm sure there are plenty of other folks who don't, but this is my blog, i'm black, so i'm talking about my peeps).

I of course an exception to this observation because being married to a skinny, white vegetarian for the last 6.5 years has opened my eyes. But again...i am an exception.

So how did i draw this conclusion that brothas and sistas don't understand the concept of not eating meat?

Well, it didn't just happened over night; i've observed many evidential incidences:

  1. My mama used to always make James chicken, or things with chicken broth because "i know he doesn't eat meat." apparently to my mama, meat was only beef and pork.

  2. My family reunion came to a silent halt in 2006 when one of my aunties loudly said "He can't eat the greens cus they have ham hocks in 'em?! What does he put in his greens then." This was a double whammy: i had to tell her that James doesn't eat greens.

  3. My baby bro always refers to ground turkey (my preference), as "fake meat" and he thinks i make it because James is a vegetarian. He is his mama's child.
I got more evidence recently when i called my Southern daddy to ask him how to make gumbo with the fresh okra i recently acquired. Now, daddy knows James is a vegetarian. We recently spent a week in Virginia with him where he regularly offered James crab legs and ribs, and then caught himself. But i guess daddy didn't fully realize what a vegetarian is...or maybe he didn't think James was committed. That's the only think i can gather from this conversation:

Me: Hi daddy! i got some fresh okra and i want to make some gumbo, but don't know how.
Daddy: Hey sweet heart. It's easy! First you boil you down a chicken. get it tender and use that broth as your base.
Me: Well, i'm not going to use any meat because i want James to eat it.
Daddy ( i can tell he's confused): Oh, this is going to be hard then. Ok. instead of boiling some chicken, just get some chicken broth. Cook that up with some onions..
Me: Ok, i'll get some vegetable broth.
Daddy: Why not chicken?
Me: Because I want James to eat it too.
Daddy: He can't even it chicken broth?
Me: No, because it's still meat...just meat juice.
Daddy: Ok, well, i guess you can use the other broth...but i don't know how it will taste. Ok. So then throw in some onions and some sausage in your broth.
Me: Ok, i'll definitely throw in the onions. No sausage though. What other veggies do you put in besides the onions and okra?
Daddy: No sausage in gumbo?
Me: No daddy, sausage is meat.
Daddy: So yo aren't going to put in any shrimps probably?
Me: No, no shrimp, chicken, sausage or any other kind of meat.
Daddy: Well, i don't know how to tell you to make gumbo then.

I saw that this could go on and on, so i told him to start from the top -- sausage, chicken broth and all -- and i would edit the recipe myself.

The gumbo was needed some meat!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Hair on my back, foot in my mouth

Whenever James or I do something for the River Monster (bathe him, feed him, care for him), we remind him that he better remember all of that when he's looking at nursing homes for us. We figure we are taking great care of him, so he should repay the favor. Makes sense, right?!

Well, apparently my lovely husband has really been thinking about his days in Shady Meadows -- or wherever River puts us up -- because we had this conversation earlier this week:

James: Do i have hair on my back?
ReRe: No.
James: Good. When I'm old, i hope River puts me in a nursing home that regularly shaves my body hair. I don't want to be one of those old dudes covered in hair. I want to look good, so i can have my pick of the ladies and not get stuck with the chick who just poops on herself.
ReRe: Ummm? Where am I? Won't i be in the nursing home with you? Why would you need your pick of the ladies if I'm there?
James: Yeah, yeah. You'll be there. But you'll have dementia. So....
ReRe: So, it's ok to date then? Ok. I gotcha. Thanks for the insight Pat Robertson!

So note to Riv: daddy wants to be in a home that regularly shaves his body hair.
Second not to Riv: daddy probably won't live long enough to see said nursing home, and mama may be in jail!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Potluck Friday

Happy TGIF!

  1. Just got back from Zumba! i love me some zumba. I love it enough that i got every Friday at 5 freaking 45 in the morning! But you know what would be even cooler than Zumba? A class where all you did were wedding/family reunion group dances like the cupid shuffle and the electric slide. Heck, we could even throw in things like the tootsie roll and the butterfly. I think it would be a hit, especially for folks like me that can't help but do the tootsie roll anytime i hear the dang song. No matter where i am, if i hear the words "Cotton Candy, sweet to go, let me see that tootsie roll" i can't help but do the dance. my inner 13 year-old comes out and i must shuffle to the left and then right and the front and back and then slide baby slide! Please tell me i'm not alone!

  2. So the River Monster is going as Mr. T for Halloween. Cheap and easy! Daddy thought about going as the white haired, cigar smoking dude. But that leaves mama out. The A-Team didn't have a hip cool black chick member. So i asked James what i should be and he suggested Whoopi. ???? "Um, what does Whoopi have to do with the A Team?" His response? "She's black and was around in the 70s." Um, ok?! I'll pass.

  3. Speaking of the things that come out of James' mouth. The other day i was wearing a new pair of shorts that have the trendy manufactured rips in them. I looked hip...for a 30 year-old. I asked him how he thought i looked. His response: "Cute! I'm really in to the skanky look!" That man better be glad he's a good baby daddy!

  4. Quote of the week from my fish stick burning Lil Bro: "Don't be jealous because i'm sexy!" This came after i told him how ghetto fabulous it is to walk around town with no shirt and his underwear showing. Maybe i'm just getting old, but "sexy" is the last thing that comes to mind when i see a grown man walking down the street shirtless! River doesn't even sport that outfit in public -- and babies are about the only folks who can pull that off (and Jacob from Twilight).

  5. The new fall lineup has started. So instead of what's ReRe jamming this week, i'm gonna do "What's ReRe Watching." I'm watching Two Broke Girls. It's one of the only shows in a long time that has made me bust out some serious belly giggles!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Ghetto talk, by James

One of the many reasons i love James is because he embraces his goof-ballness. He's the ultimate white guy (not Weird Al white, but close) and isn't afraid to show it in a variety of ways.

For example, recently he displayed his ultra whiteness with some little Eminem-inspired riddles for me.

James: Baby.
ReRe: What.
James: Where does Eminem go on vacation?
ReRe: ( i knew the answer, but i let him humor me) Where?
James: To the Be-atch!
ReRe: Yeah...i've heard that one.
James: Who's Eminem's favorite cast member of Saved by the Bell?
ReRe: Huh?
James: Scree-actch!
ReRe: (i think i wet my pants laughing)
James: Who's Eminem's favorite member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
ReRe: ( i can't name any members, so i was stumped)
James: Flee-atch!

It went on and much so that i think we were late for work. The best one by far was this gem:

James: What does Eminem brush his teeth with since he doesn't have a flip top mouth?


Now that was a pants wetter!