Friday, May 20, 2011

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!!!

  1. So this is the last Potluck Friday and my last blog post because apparently the world is going to end tomorrow -- and frankly i can think of a lot better things to be doing on my last day than sitting in front of the computer (no offense all of you World of Warcraft nerds, i mean lovers). Seriously though people, the world is not gonna end tomorrow. How do i know? Cus i have a direct line to God and he told me that the wack jobs or are saying tomorrow is the end would be the LAST people to know! So that's how i know we are all good!

  2. Bagel lovers in Norman i have some EXCITING news. Old School Bagel Cafe is opening soon across the street from Norman High (where Blockbuster used to be)! It's about dang time the owners listened to me and opened in Norman, for pete's sake the opened in Stoolwater before they came here. But i digress. The important point is that we are getting one. If you haven't been to Old School, i highly recommend it. When i worked in the city i ate there on the regular. And every time i went to the counter to pick up my order i would say "Thank you, this would be even better if i could eat it in Norman." (this is also what i say when i pick up my food at Big Truck Tacos) . Finally someone listened! My only fear is that they didn't pick a great location. Yeah, Main Street is good in theory, but when you add hundreds of teens out for lunch at the same time every day that's just a mess. Maybe things have changed, but i remember when i was at Norman High and had no car my homies and I would just loiter at Grandy's and Carl's Junior (both of which are closed now) and would maybe buy 1 meal to share amongst 4 people! I got mad when some restaurants would put up signs like "Only 2 students per time" or "Must purchase own meal" etc. But i sooooooo get that now! But oh well, let's hope the kids of today are more respectful...or that they all are on diets so they can fit into their skinny jeans.

  3. Why are people acting so surprised that The Terminator had an affair. Ummm, hello, he's a politician. This is NOT shocking or surprising. Well, maybe it's shocking because no one thought there was another woman on earth besides Maria Shriver who likes pillow talk that consists of spitting and screaming. But other than that I'm not surprised at all. And of course the news came out now. Arnold probably sent a dang press release. His run as governor is over and he probably wants to get back into the movies...what better way than a steamy affair with your maid?! Rumor has it he was planning a tiger's blood-induced crazy rant like Charlie Sheen, but he sees that really hasn't got Sheen so far, so he opted to go with revealing his affair.

  4. Dear Glee, if you don't stop being all serious after school special and start make me start laughing I will stop watching you. Don't believe me? I stopped watching All My Children when they killed Leo and they are now being canceled (9 years later, but still!).

  5. What's Re jamming this week? I'm jamming some Chris Brown's "Look at me now" ft. Lil Wayne and Busta. I LOVE Busta's part. It takes me back just hearing him. Busta is probably a grandpa, but the dude still has it!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Dis Lil Piggy

I am not ashamed to admit that I don't always remember which order the letters in the alphabet go and i don't know all of the words to some of the most popular nursery rhymes. I've discovered both of these things about myself in the past 7 months of motherhood. But you know what? River doesn't care! Why? Because he has no clue that "Elamenablah Q" is not a letter. So when i fumble or forget, i keep rocking it out like i'm a rockstar who just fell off the stage. And he doesn't care that "Mamas gonna buy you rocking bird" 1) doesn't exist 2) is not the correct words.

I think River actually prefers my made up rhymes better anyway. I've actually jazzed up quite a few of them. And i'd like to share one with you (feel free to use it with your kiddos -- just don't forget to give me my props):

The Three Lil Pigs
This lil piggy went up ova to shaniqua's house to see what's poppin
And this lil piggy stayed back at da crib
This lil piggy had some BBQ chicken, collard greens and cornbread and some red Kool-Aid
And this lil piggy had none cus his check don't come to the 1st of da month
And this lil piggy went whassup whassup whassup all the way up to River's chinny chin chin

This by far is Riv's favorite nursery rhyme. It might not be the best rhyme for everyone, so i encourage you to jazz it up to fit your kid. Here's an example for mamas who are on the "hoity toity" side

The Three Little Pigs
This little piggy sent her nanny to the went to the market in search of pesticide free, organic lettuce
And this little piggy stayed home to work out to her favorite Denise Austin abs video
This little piggy had half a turkey sandwich and four peanut M&Ms (but didn't write the M&Ms in her food journal
And this little piggy had none because her husband said he would buy her bigger boobs if she lost 15 pounds
And this little piggy went boohoo hooo as she watched the final episodes of Oprah

Monday, May 16, 2011

Back that boot scootin boogie up

I like to think of myself as the funniest, wittiest person around, but i think i may have met my match!
My friend Val is hilarious! I haven't known her long, but she's like my long-lost white twin. I call her my sister from another mister. Anytime she says something i crack up because it's so something i would have said or something i was thinking and she beat me to to the punch.

For example, the other day a group of girlfriends were having a conversation about the type of music we like. Now, from the outside, you'd never guess that Val likes old school gangsta rap (that's why you can't judge a book by it's cover). Anywhoo, we are all chatting about who likes country, who likes rock, etc. The conversation turned to modern country vs. the traditional (i had no clue there was a difference, it all sounds the same to me) said Val said something that really made me think:

"Modern country sucks donkey balls. And keep that crap off of top 40 radio. I don't call the country station and ask them to play the latest Jay Z. Keep your Lady Antebellum nonsense to yourselves!

Amen! Don't get me wrong, i've found myself driving down the street humming some Taylor Swift, but that's only because the stupid song came on after my Lil Wayne jam. What's up with that.

Can you imagine calling the Twister and asking them to play 50 Cent or Dr. Dre? Hecks no, so why am i one minute droppin' it like it's hot, and the next talking about how i went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fu-manchu. It's just wrong!

You know what else is wrong? When this big mega dance clubs combine the country western side with the hip hop/rap side. Talk about awkward. For MANY reasons. You either get the great divide where each group of folks takes turns dancing, while the other group sits on the sidelines and snarls, OR (and i think this is worse) you get dudes out there in Wranglers doing the cha-cha slide or cupid shuffle. That makes my eyes burn!

I tip my hat (my cowboy hat) to Val for keeping my wit on its toes!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

You say tomato, i say you crazy

If i didn't know me, i'd swear that half the stories on this blog were made up. It's kinda like how in a soap opera you have that one character who has come back from the dead, been kidnapped, had her baby daddy's DNA results switched with her brother, found out she had an evil twin and spent half a year in a coma and you can't help but wonder how the heck do folks expect you to believe ALL that crap would happen to one person?!

I'm sure some of you ask yourselves the same thing about me when i tell some of the random things strangers say to me. But i swear, it's all true. I even find myself avoiding strangers because i know there's no way i can explain yet another "random stranger said this to me" story. But for some reason strangers love saying the weirdest crap to me.

Take this past Sunday in Wally World for example:

James and i are in the produce sections grabbing our last few items before we head to our Mother's Day lake picnic. I'm carrying River (mistake #1, he is a weirdo magnet! well, he's so dang cute that he attracts everyone, but weirdos love him) and checking out the tomatoes.
A normal looking lady walks up and starts looking at the tomatoes too. The maters were actually really nice looking, which i guess inspired her to share some randomness with me:

Crazy tomato lady: These look good!
ReRe: Yea, they actually do.
Crazy tomato lady: My grandpa used to grow the biggest, best tomatoes. My mom would just go out to the garden with a salt shaker, grab a tomato and eat it up right there in the garden.
ReRe: I bet that was nice!
Crazy tomato lady: Well, not really. He was an abusive man who beat the crap out of her daily and withheld food so tomatoes were actually the only thing she really ate.
ReRe (i just stare blankly at her. i have no clue what to say for awhile): Man...that sucks.
Crazy tomato lady: Yea...but the tomatoes were gorgeous.


I either need to stop taking River to the grocery store or stop wearing my "I like to blog about your craziness, please come talk to me" shirt.