Friday, August 27, 2010

Potluck Friday

  1. In less than 3 hours i'm gonna get to see my boy's face -- well, if he cooperates! James and I are going to go do one of those freaky 3D ultrasounds. I'll admit that every 3D u/s i've seen has scared me to death. The babies look like aliens and it's just wrong how their legs will be up by their ears. BUT this u/s will be different cus it's MY KID! And of course he'll be a cute as can be (even if he looks freaky, i will never admit it)!
  2. As I approach the end of my 20's -- 10 days till my 29th birthday -- i've realized that i'm old. No, i'm not Joan Rivers old, but i'm old enough that there are just some things I -- and other folks my age and older -- should just not be doing or saying. Those things include:
    -- dying your hair two-toned. I'm not talking about highlights. I'm talking about platinum blond on the top and black on the bottom. Not cool (don't thin it ever was, but definitely not cool at this age)
    --getting nose rings, belly rings, any ring but an ear ring and tattoos. This should have been done about 8 years ago. No 29 year-old woman should wake up one morning and say "I think i'm gonna go get a tramp stamp today!"
    --Seriously use the term "baby daddy" or "baby mama." Yes, i jokingly call James my baby daddy, but it pains me to hear folks use this term in a serious manner such as court!
    --Posting Facebook updates about how hung over you are or how last night you beat someone up.
    --Now, this one might be my own personal opinion (cus the rest are facts and laws): saying phrases like "What it do" "That's what's up" "Imma do me/Doin Me" or any other form of that. I cringe when i hear folks who aren't Lil Wayne or my 19 year-old brother say that.
  3. James and I rented Hot Tub Time Machine this week, and i will admit this to only my closest friends: I FREAKING LOVED IT. Yes, it had crude language, explicit drug use and naked body parts, but it was hilarious! I truly believe that i'm a teenage boy, so that's what's up.
  4. What am i jamming this week? I don't know if it's hormones or just b/c i'm a girlie girl, but every time i hear that song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars i want to cry (i've actually cried once). If i was a man and James was a woman, i'd sing it to him every day. Heck, i think i'm gonna sing it to him anyway:

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Pet Peeves

don't you dare think the title of this post has ANYTHING to do with hormones. I've had these pet peeves for way longer than my 32 weeks of pregnancy, it just so happens that i'm letting them out now. So don't go assuming!

2 pet peeves that have been driving me nuts this week:

  1. folks who slow down when they see a cop has someone pulled over: Ummm, i don't understand this. He ALREADY has someone, he ain't looking at you. When i see a cop has already caught his fish, i take it as my opportunity to raise up my Forty and wave at him. Ok, not really, but you can AT LEAST go the freaking speed limit. But no, 99 percent of folks creep by, like he's gonna tell the person he already caught "Ok, nevermind your speeding, i'm gonna go after that guy over there for, umm, just because." NO people! just drive like normal -- or even a little faster than normal -- because Mr. PoPo is occupado.
  2. folks who take forever in the drive-thru: What the heck are these people ordering?! This ain't Golden Corral, Cracker Barrel or some other restaurant. This is freaking Mickey D's. There should be no need to peruse the menu -- you've been here enough times and seen enough commercial to know what the clown serves. But no, you are just looking and looking, talking and talking. Do me a favor, ask little Billy if he wants a cheeseburger happy meal or "chicken" nuggets BEFORE you leave the house. And you know Billy is not gonna eat it anyway, the fries are gonna just end up in the backseat next to the gold fish crackers and gum. And i don't know what's worse, the person who takes forever to order and then you see all they got was a coke -- what the heck were you talking about, health care reform, BP? -- or the person who gets like 8 bags and 15 drinks handed out the window AND still has to pull up for the rest of their order. Dang, Wally World is up the street, go buy some real food and cook it.

Ok, i'm done! Happy Hump Day!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Convos with my Cousin

I'm sure some of you remember my tales of my crazy cousin Keisha -- trying out for American Idol a month after the season was already on, calling me in while she was in labor and trying to chit chat and gossip, leaving voicemails on her phone telling the repo company they were never gonna find her car, etc.

She's given herself the title of my "favorite cousin" and frankly i have to admit that she does keep me entertained the most. Every time i talk to her, 5 new blogs immediately come to my mind. Here is a synopsis of yesterday's conversation:

Crazy Cousin Keisha: Hey cousin! Guess what?
ReRe: What? ( i always get nervous when she starts conversations like that)
Crazy Cousin Keisha: I'm getting married?
ReRe: To the old guy?
CCK: No! I am done with him. Well...we are still together, but we aint' "together."
are you as confused as i was?
ReRe: Huh? Ok? So who are you marrying.
CCK: XXX (i'm protecting all identities, well except my cousin's!). I used to date him 6 years ago and we've recently reconnected.
ReRe: And now you are engaged?
CCK: Yeah, but we aren't going to get married for a while....he's not eligible for parole until 2027.
ReRe: WHAT?! He's in prison? How did you meet a dude in prison?
CCK: DOC website.
ReRe: Keisha! That website is NOT E Harmony or! You don't look up people on that site so you can date them!
CCK: Girl, i know! But there's just something about him.
ReRe: Yeah, there is, it's called prison. If a dude is wearing state-issued underwear, he is UNDATEABLE. And i guarantee you he is writing you and probably 4 other ladies who all think in 17 years he's gonna marry them.
CCK: You think?
ReRe: Ummm, yeah. EVERY dude in prison wants to marry you -- until they get out of prison!
CCK: Cousin, you are my conscience! I'm so glad you i talked to you. You really got me thinking...
Yes! I'm getting through! I'm getting through!
CCK: ...when i talk to him tonight i'm gonna ask him if he's writing anyone else.

Oh well, i thought i was getting through. Wait, that was harsh. I don't know Mr. State-Issued Underpants. Maybe he really is only into my cousin, maybe he'll be honest with her and say he has 15 other fiances...and maybe he didn't commit that armed robbery.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Step Up 3D -- The REview

Have you ever been walking through Wally World and you thought to yourself: Someone should film me shopping and make it 3D?

You know you aren't doing anything worthy of 3D -- like throwing cans of green beans at the screen or pushing the cart really hard -- but heck, it would still be fun!

Well, this is exactly what had to be going through the minds of the folks who made Step Up 3D. Remember when i laughed hysterically at this film, promising that i would NEVER see it. Well, i went back on a self-promise because my girl Kerra likes bad movies and for her 28th b-day, i took her to see this turd (yes, i'm a good friend).

There are no words for how bad, yet good this movie was. Bad -- because, well, it's a 3D dance movie with no famous folks, need i say more. And good -- because, well, it's a 3D dance movie with no famous folks.

I laughed hysterically throughout the entire thing, but i don't think it was meant to be a comedy. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE me some dance movies. Nothing gets better than Breakin' 2: the Electric Boogaloo. But Step Up 3D had no dancing on the ceiling, high-yella brothas with jeri curls or cool 80s clothes.

But Setp Up 3D did have some "good" stuff:

  • Let's say you are an 18 year-old dude and in the bathroom doing your business at the urinal. The next thing you know a group of dudes walk in with not-so-nice looks on their faces. Do you think 1) these dudes are gonna make a prison video with me 2) these dudes are gonna beat me to death or 3) these guys wanna have a dance off with me.

    if you picked #3, then you've either seen Step Up 3D or you had a really weird childhood. The bathroom dance scene made me squeamish. All i kept thinking was, don't put your hands on that! yuck!

  • I also laughed hysterically at the Fred Astairesque dance scene between the curly headed guy (who up until half way through i thought was a girl -- his hair is FAB!) and that little cute girl from the Missy Eliot video. They randomly start dancing in the street in the street with trash can lids, running through cabs, stealing bystander's hats, etc. I busted a gut.

  • Oh, and i can't leave out the one 3D "worthy" scene where hot guy and his love interest stand on top of an air conditioning unit with their Icee drinks. they slurp through their straws, place it over the AC unit and...OMG! icee bubbles look like they are going to land on me! What?! Seriously? did i just pay $13 to watch that?

I did pick up one good thing from the movie: BFABB. That means Born From a Boom Box.

Friday, August 13, 2010

You better call Antoine...CALL HIM!

There are no words for this, so just watch!

And Now watch this!

Potluck Friday

This has been a loooooooooooooong week. But it's almost ova!

  1. So this was week 2 of birth class, and i must say that it should be illegal to show the videos we are watching. Remember the crowning scene in Knocked Up that lasted about 7 seconds but stayed with you forever? Well, imagine 2 hours of that -- for 5 weeks! I thought i was more mature, but apparently i haven't changed since 10th grade when we watched Miracle of Life and sat there with my eyes half closed, squeezing my legs until they hurt. The difference between now and then is: Then, my thought was "That's gross and i'm never going to do that." and Now, my thought is "That's gross, and i'm doing that in 10 weeks." On the bright side, James is not freaked out at all, so at least i know he will be a good labor coach.
  2. Speaking of babies, labor and all that fun stuff. The other day i was perusing my favorite site -- well, besides this one --Babycenter and saw the funniest post in a forum: Can anyone tell me where to find plus-size skinny jeans? I cracked up when i read this. Is this lady serious? I'm one of those plus-size ladies who truly believes just because it comes in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it! Honestly, i don't think ANYONE should wear skinny jeans. They are just not flattering -- unless you are going for the junkie look. I just found it amusing that the words "plus-size" and "skinny" were both used to describe a pair of jeans!
  3. I don't know if electing to make his exit via the emergency slide was his best decision, but i can't help but to look up to JetBlue's Steven Slater for doing what so many of us who have every worked customer service have wanted to do! Oh how i wish i could go back and yell at some folks at Burger King, like the crazy dude who didn't want me to touch any of his stuff. Or the crazy Target lady who was mad that i wouldn't accept a check from her -- after watching her scratch out the printed name on top and write in her own name! Go Steven!
  4. What am i jamming this week? "I Got Your Back" by T.I. featuring Keri Hilson. All i have to say about T.I. is mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm good!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Products for WoMEN

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, i saw this ad:

Seriously?! The Shake Weight is bad enough (even though i do want one for Christmas b/c this kiddo has made my arms giant), but a shake weight for dudes?! Ladies, if your man asks for a Shake Weight, chances are he probably has a secret encounters ad posted on Craigs List -- and it ain't seeking women.

Shake Weight for men is not the only thing that's got me worried about the mindset of our men. This ad also worries me:

I'm not trying to say men can't worry about their "figures," but nothing is less sexy then a dude in a girdle.
Shake Weight for Men, Slim Ts. What's next? Midol for men?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Potluck Friday

Happy Potluck Friday! Unfortunately my Potluck Friday chef icon dude is refusing to load, but i assure you this is a potluck!

  1. You know how they say you learn something new every day? Well, it's soooooo true. Wednesday i learned something very useful: you can block status updates from certain folks on Facebook! Now, i know many of you already know this (that's because you are mean people. I on the other hand struggle even ignoring a friend request). Why will this new knowledge come in so handy, you ask? Because frankly folks aren't taking me seriously when i say ENOUGH WITH HE FARMVILLE CRAP! I'm not kidding people. Some of you have yet to post anything outside of "XXXX needs help with their chickens." Oh wait, there is one of you -- and you know who you are -- who once posted a "real" update "Hey guys, can you help me do something really dorky on Farmville that's gonna annoy ReRe." Ok, so i added that last part, but you get the jist. So yes, today i will be going through and hiding the updates from the folks who only do Farmville. If that goes well, i might start hiding updates from people who only tell the world how much they love their spouse. I love James too, don't get me wrong. But i prefer to tell HIM, not my 600 facebook friends. Showing some love here and there is no biggie, but seriously, every day do you have to start your day off with a "Hugs honey! XXOOOXXXOO" update?! Roll over and tell him in bed!
  2. I've mentioned before my love for Big Brother. And i hate to admit it, but my love for Rachel is growing too. Yeah, she seems like she may be a few ants short of a picnic, but she cracks me up. The only thing i would change about her is the goodbye speech she gives to all the evicted house guests. It goes something like this "XXXXX I'm glad you're going home. That's what you get for trying to talk to my man. Don't you ever try to come between me and my man again." I find this amusing for 2 reasons: 1) her man has only been her man for like 30 days. and we all know how those showmances work and 2) she says this speech to EVERY evicted house guests, whether they are male or female. I think she should have a talk with her man if she feels like she has to tell other dudes to back it up. I'm just saying.
  3. While i'm complaining about reality TV people, i might as well moan about Kenny on Top Chef. Does he not realize that he has a 1 in 17 shot at being named Top Chef? I don't think he does b/c every week he acts all shocked that he didn't win the challenge. Act shocked if you are in a competition by yourself. But you are not. And you can't win them all! I've never seen anyone who likes himself that much, besides Spencer Pratt. That's it! Kenny is the black Spencer Pratt.
  4. Last week at camp, i told the girls "If you tinkle and you sprinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seatie." They all got a kick out of it. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was not a ReRe original, but that i memorized it when i was 7. My grandma had that posted in the bathroom. Anywhoo, i understand maybe having to remind 6th grade girls this, but there is NO REASON for grown folks to have to be reminded of this. Yet i'm amazed at how many times i go into bathrooms and see not just sprinkles, but straight up, umm, how do i say this and still sound like a lady? POO. Straight up POO residue on the seat. As my girl Sara said yesterday as we stared at disgust at one of the toilets "How do you not know that shiznit is running down your leg and smearing on the toilet?" So, if you are guilty of not doing a glance back when you are done doing your bizness, chances are i'm talking to you! So, stop posting Farmville messages and stop leaving your ickiness on the toilet!
  5. What am i jamming this week? Not really anything new. I did bust out some burned CDs that my roomie and i made 8 years ago for our joint 21st Birthday. So i've been jamming some old-school Keith Sweat, Jay-Z, and even some Kris Kross (cus i'm the miggity miggity miggity miggity mack daddy!)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sweet Besus! The best blast from the past!

If you are a child of the late 80s, early 90s, you will wet your pants when you see what's coming soon to a theater near you: OREGON TRAIL -- THE MOVIE!!!

Don't tell me you don't remember that high you would get when you popped that floppy disk in and played Oregon Trail. Remember the tears you got when you learned all of your family members died -- but 5 seconds later you opted to hunt instead of bury them. Oh, those were the days. Move over Mario Kart and Call of Duty. You ain't got nothing on some Oregon Trail.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I blushed -- and that's not easy for me to do

I never thought this day would come, but apparently it has: i'm an old, conservative fogie. Well, at least when it comes to onesies for my kiddo.

While strolling through the mall last week, i decided to pop into Spencer's to check out the hip/trendy baby gear. River already has a selection of cool onesies like a RUN DMC one and a Bob Marley one (his daddy's personal favorite), but i figured he can't ever be too cool.

The minute i started looking at the offerings my jaw fell on the floor. I'm no prude -- ask my girlfriends -- but i just don't want my kid to be in anything that says:

  • I love my mom...even though she's a B!TCH (I added the !)

  • I love to suck titties

  • My dad is a magician. He put his wand in mom's box and I popped out

  • Watch your F$cking mouth, there's a baby over here!

I could go on, but this is a family blog!

River will have to make do with the hip onesies at Wally World that say things like

  • If you think i'm handsome, you should see my daddy

  • Wild Child