I'm BAAAACCCKKK!

Remember that girl with the funny blog? What happened to her? Well, i heard she had a crappy desktop computer that she'd have to get up uber early in the mornings to warm up and then pray that an hour later it would be working so she could blast out some funny. Sometimes it would be ready, and sometimes it wouldn't' :(

and then one early November morning she'd crafted a hilarious Potluck Friday and the computer froze. She lost her mind, yelling and screaming and maybe saying some potty words. She told her husband (who has a direct connection to Santa) that she needed a laptop and she would NOT be rambling until Santa brought her one.

Sooo, Santa recently made an early visit and dropped off a shiny HP and some WiFi and now that funny girl is back!

Here are some snippits of hilarity that have taken place in casa de Ramblings the last month:

• I was painting my toe nails last weekend and River was so intrigued by it. I'd stroke some paint on, and he'd rub it off with his finger. He just couldn't stay away from me. So me, being the open-minded mama i am, decided to paint his toe nails. So i sat him down and painted his first toe. He flipped out and was not a fan, so i wiped it off. "Well, he hates toe nail polish...he just passed the gay test," i told daddy. Daddy's quick response:" Wow, and mama just passed the 'I'm Sally Kern test.'" SLAM!
  
• My phone charger recently died, so i headed to the T-Mobile store for a new one. I searched high and low on the wall and displays, but could not find one for my phone. So i went and asked a worker.
  Me: I can't find a charger for my phone.
  Him: What kind is it?
  Me: I have a MyTouch (I pull it out)
  Him: Ugh....you have the OLD Mytouch.
  Me: (i'm confused. i got my phone when it came out, less than two years ago. it's not my fault technology changes faster than Kim Kardashian's husbands)
  
  He then digs through what i'm sure is an electronics trash can and hands me an unpackaged old blackberry charger that he said will work and i can have for free because i'm the only loser in the world still using the MyTouch that came out in 2010. He acted like i drove up in a Gremlin and wanted a new carburetor. Whatevs! my phone is fully charged and i didn't spend a dime!
  
• Last night i watched the most disturbing show: The Virgin Diaries. Apparently TLC has put their obsession with little people and folks with too many dang kids on hold to showcase 35 year old virgins. Don't get me wrong. Nothing wrong with being a 35 year-old virgin, but is it necessary to go on TV and let every body know our business?! Some highlights from the show was the chick who was a "reclaimed virgin." She said she'd slept with her past 7 boyfriends, but was now a reclaimed virgin. Umm, no, you are just a lady who has had a rough patch on the dating scene. I was also entertained by the dude who invited his mom over to tell her he was a virgin. Ummm, I never want to have that kind of openness with River...and that mother had the same feeling. But the BEST part of the show was the couple who was saving their first kiss for their wedding...again, that's your business, but a camera crew is not necessary. Stranger than the couple, were their friends and family who were just too interested in their first kiss and wedding night. But nothing, and i mean NOTHING can top their first kiss (i just wanna know why they thought this was how normal kissing is done. haven't they ever watched a movie, or gathered around their kissing friends in middle school to gawk. either one of those experiences should have told them that what they are doing in front of God, and their loved ones is NOT kissing):
  

Bad Parenting

Just when i thought parenting couldn't get worse than the train wrecks on Toddlers & Tiaras, I discovered something even more disturbing: Dance Moms on Lifetime.

This show makes the parents on Toddlers & Tiaras look like saints. Dance Moms is the Octomom of TV shows. I don't know what's worse, Abby Lee -- the loud crazy dance instructor who screams at her 10 year-old students like they are the Real Housewives (i'm just waiting for her to throw a table at one of them) or the moms who actually let her yell at their kids like that. I guess these moms have high hopes that their daughters are going to be famous dancers, but let's be honest, there's only room for one J. Lo -- the Queen of Fly Girls -- , and besides Kevin Federline, can anyone even name a backup dancer? No!

The best episode was when Abby Lee dressed the dance group like, ummm, street walkers (complete with crimped hair -- and we all know that the only folks who crimp their hair after 1985 are street walkers) and set them up for a dance competition in Amishville Pennsylvania. Let's just say that their drop it like it's hot routine did NOT impress the judges -- but i hear R. Kelly called a few of the girls!

So wrong! So wrong!

But not as wrong as this:



or this:

Extreme Hoarders

I recently tuned into Extreme Couponing on TLC. I won't be tuning in again. Don't get me wrong. I love me some coupons -- ask anyone who has ever stood behind me in a grocery line (coupons + my cloth grocery bags = pain in the butt for folks behind me), but what i don't like are folks who pretend to be "extreme couponers" but in actuality they are hoarders:



I mean, SERIOUSLY?! The only difference between these folks and the folks on Hoarders is instead of hoarding dusty clowns and lamp shades, they are hoarding salad dressing, body wash and toilet paper. These folks are CRAZY! Are you really saving if you have to buy 50 jars of mustard? Are you really saving if you have a basement filled with 900 bottles of maxi pads -- and you are a man? Are you really saving if it takes you 30 hours, 8 stores and 15 newspapers to go to the grocery store? I think not.

And honestly i think it's rude to clear the shelves of all the ketchup just so you can be a freaky hoarder and save $5.00, but i can't even buy the ONE bottle i need (and will use in this lifetime)! We look at the houses on hoarders with disgust. Well you know what, at least these folks are trying to get some help and most of them realize they have a problem. But nope, not crazy mustard lady on Extreme Coupon who had about 500 jars of mustard and her husband said "i don't even like mustard." THAT lady needs help.

It would be different if these folks bought all this stuff and then didn't go shopping for a few months (or years), but no, these fools are back in the store the next week.
They should change the name from Extreme Couponing to "Grocery Hoarders."

I'm just sayin'!

Potluck Friday

TGIF!

1. I remember in 7th grade our school D.A.R.E. officer talking about how drug addicts are always trying to catch that feeling of their first high, but they never do. Well, Wednesday i got an idea of what that feels like. At made an emergency dentist appointment Wednesday afternoon because one of my teeth (a baby tooth actually, yes, i'm nearly 30 with 3 baby teeth left -- and no adult ones are under them) has been bothering me for a few weeks. Wait, let me rewind and say that my favorite part of labor (besides River) was the epidural. Not because it took some of the pain away (i say "some" on purpose) , but because i just felt so dang GOOD! I've never felt so relaxed in my life. I think one of my funny epidural quotes -- there are plenty, i hear -- was "Why do people do drugs, they need to be doing epidurals!" So anywhoo, i loved my epi. I didn't realize how much i loved it until i was sitting in the dentist chair and she asked me if i wanted gas before they redid my filling. I'd never had gas, and actually i make fun of James for always getting it. But i thought what the heck and said yes.
   
   OMG! Gas, where have you been all my life?! It was at that moment that i realized i'd been searching for that epidural bliss for 5 months! And here it was all along at my dentist's office. Ok, no need to do an intervention on me. I'm not gassing myself right now, or faking tooth problems to get it, but yowza, i think gas is a close second behind the epi. Who knew?!
   
   
2. This just in, i just witnessed a flash mob! Yes, two handsome men by the names of James and River just busted in on me blogging to sing me some Katie Perry. One was wearing underwear, the other a diaper -- i'm not telling you who was wearing what (i think you'd be surprised though).
   
   
3. Real Housewives of New York is back! All i have to say is if Alex is a model, Victoria's Secret needs to be calling me. Seriously! How did that happen? And why is she so dang cranky this season. Must be the model diet.
   
   
4. I got the sweetest text from Lil Bro this week: "I love you. If you look up 'Big Sister' in the dictionary there's a picture of you!" I must say that that little boy has drove me crazy over the years, but i love him (and Middle Bro) with all my heart. I'm so luck to be there Sissy.
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week. Man, what am I NOT jamming this week. I like so many songs, so it was hard to choose one, but i did. It's "Backseat" by New Boyz (The New Boyz are the only black men on the planet rocking skinny jeans. Skinny jeans should be illegal for everyone, especially the brothas).
   

Potluck Friday

Hip Hop Hooray! Ho, Hey, Ho! It's Friday (and name that tune!)

1. Ok, i think it's time to stop making fun of Charlie Sheen. Yes, it's comical and tickles your funny bone in an inappropriate priest-like way, BUT i seriously think the dude has LOST HIS MIND. And if this is the case, that's just sad, not funny. So no more laughing. Ok, wait...Biwinning, Tiger's blood! Ok, i had to get that out! Ok, NOW no more making fun of Charlie Sheen.
   
   
2. Speaking of Charlie, you know who i truly feel sorry for in all of this? No, not James and me because we love Two and a Half Men and have no idea how we'll spend out Monday nights (it's not like we have a baby or anything!). I feel sorry for Jon Cryer. Because Charlie Sheen has lost his mind -- or is in the midst of publicity stunt gone terribly awry -- Cryer is not out of job. Yeah, they could just replace Charlie's character, but come on, that rarely works. Remember when they replaced the dudes on the Dukes of Hazard? (i actually don't remember that, but James tells me it was an epic fail). So poor Jon Cryer. I bet he's ticked, i mean come on, there can't be high demand for Ducky. As my girl Kerra pointed, out "No one's making Pretty in Pink 2."
   
   
3. A few weeks ago i was working at a middle school in Noble and a little cherubic kid had a shirt with a penguin on it that said "Free Weezy." I told him i liked his shirt, and then went into a spill about how i digs Lil Wayne too (though i had no idea what the penguin was about). He listened quietly. Shook his head like he knew what i was talking about and then politely said, "Ma'am, i don't know who LITTLE Wayne is, but this is Toy Story shirt." All i could do was crack up and then say "I'm proud of you!" I mean, really, what 6th grader should really be listening to Lil Wayne in the first place! Rock on with your Toy Story shirt lil dude!
   
   
4. If Ron and Sam don't get the boot Puck-style soon, i'm gonna have to stop watching Jersey Shore.
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming to this week? "Pretty Girl Rock" by Keri Hilson. I love this song, and i'm sweeter than a Swisher!
   
   

Potluck Friday

It's been one heck of a week and i'm soooooooo glad it's Friday!!!

1. I'm so spoiled my modern day technology and conveniences that this morning i through a fit when my spin brush had no batteries. And then i magically realized that i could still brush my teeth -- i'd just have to move my arm back and forth! So sad that i'm too lazy to brush my own dang teeth!
   
2. I finally tuned in to some American Idol last night. I think the show jumped the shark a few seasons ago, but not much was on. All i have to say is this: Steven Tyler's face is like a sexy train wreck. It's ugly, but i can't stop starring at it and i wouldn't mind kissing it (if i wasn't kissing James of course!). It's weird. I don't think Steven Tyler is a hot at all ...but i kinda do? He goes into my nasty/dirty bad boy file with Kidd Rock (don't judge me)!
   
3. There is apparently some lawsuit against Taco Bell because the meat is only 33% ground beef. You know what my response to this lawsuit is? DUH! Umm, if you thought for a second that Taco Bell was putting meat in that chalupa then you are a FOOL! Folks don't got to Taco Bell for ground beef. They go to Taco Bell because it's the only place open at 3 a.m. after a rough night at Opie's.
   
4. I never thought i was a Rihanna fan, but apparently i must be because i've been loving her stuff lately. So, what's ReRe jamming this week? "Who's that Chick" by RiRi ft. David Guetta
   
   

Remote Control

I come home from the gym yesterday morning to find River sitting in his vibrating seat in the living room -- right in front of the TV. He was watching some reality show on MTV (it wasn't Skins thank God).

ReRe: Daddy! Did you prob River in front of the TV?!
James: I was getting dressed.
ReRe: He was watching some trashy reality show on MTV!!
James: I guess i should have checked to see what he had it was on.

Apparently RIVER picks his own shows!

It's only been 13 weeks and we are already doing all the DON'TS of parenting! oh well, my kid is cute, happy and loved -- if watching Jersey Shore gets those results all i have to say is "pumpin yo fist in da air!"

What would you do?

I admit that i often watch that show "What Would You Do?" on ABC. James can't stand the show, yet somehow every Friday night we find ourselves watching it and laughing at it's absurdity.


If you've never seen it, the premise is simple to explain: They put hidden cameras in a place and set up situations to see how every day joes and janes react. Some situations are awkward, like a stranger asking a person walking by to hold their dog while they run into a store, and some of the situations are dangerous/uncomfortable like two actors will act like a domestic violence couple and see if any one intervenes.

And then some of the situations are just right down ridiculous and would probably never happen, yet John Quinones is obsessed with trying to convince us that they will happen. One of my favorite crazy situations was: a woman getting wasted in a bar, while she breastfeeds her baby.
Seriously?! This is very unlikely to happen. No, i'm not saying it will NEVER happen, but it's just really unlikely. Heck, most breastfeeding ladies have a hard enough time working up the courage to breastfeed in a corner in at the Starbucks inside their local Target (i would know!), let alone whipping it out at a bar WHILE they throw back some Jack and Coke. And honestly, most folks who breastfeed follow the Breast is Best philosophy, not the Brest and Rum and Coke is Best.
Seriously ABC!

I also enjoyed the scenario where two pre-teen girls were picking on an elderly man on the sidewalk. They snatched off his hat and made fun of him for using a cane and walking slow. Once again, not saying that this would never happen, and sadly there are sickos that pick on the elderly. But i highly doubt that Abigail Breslin and Willow Smith are spending their time making fun of Betty White.

Another fail John Quinones. Another Fail.

Since "What Would You Do?" seems to be on such a "roll," i'm thinking about sending in some ideas for the show:

• An interracial couple goes to a Klan meeting at in the Tennessee boondocks and starts making out during the head dragon's speech. The other Klan members start spewing racial slurs at the couple? What Would You Do? Would you intervene? Or continue listening to the speech?
  
• You see a surgeon put a bologna samich into a patient instead of an artificial heart.
  
• Your IHOP waitress pours syrup over the heads of the patrons at the next table.
  

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!

Potluck Friday

TGIF!!!!

1. So this morning on the news i heard that Rep. Gabrielle Giffords will be heading to a Texas rehab center soon. This is AMAZING! I continue to pray for her and her family. But what struck me odd about the news story is why on earth would they not only report exactly what rehab center she's being transferred to, but also the time? Ummm, maybe i'm just paranoid, but if some crazed dude guns me down in a grocery store parking lot, i'd kinda like for folks not to blast my whereabouts -- and exactly when i'll be heading there -- to the nation. I don't know, maybe the Today Show thinks the Arizona gun dude is the only crazy person out there. Maybe they also think Snooki is naturally that color.
   
2. Speaking of Snooki and my obsession that is the Jersey Shore, i can't say enough how happy i am that it's back on! Every once in a while i make River do a fist pump -- he cracks up. I will say this though, last night i was disappointed in my girl JWoww, who i usually love. Maybe her boy Tom is no good, BUT how can she be mad at him for being less than fond that she's going on dates while at the Shore?! It makes her look silly for getting mad that Ronnie -- who was single at the time -- was hanging with other girls. Ok, getting off my reality-tv-ghetto-fab soap box now.
   
3. While watching CSI last night (gosh i'm addicted to TV) i saw the craziest CBS commercial. And sadly it was not a joke!
   
   Seriously?! Don't get me wrong, i don't think cancer is a joke, but really, i don't know one woman out there that's thinking "hey baby, forget about the steak dinner, diamond bracelet and flowers this year. Go get check out your boys instead." I'm sorry, but if James got me this "gift" i think we might have to box!
   
4. What song am i jamming this week? Bruno Mars' "Grenade." I LOVE me some Bruno. He is quickly becoming one of my favorite artists.

Potluck Friday

It's probably the best Friday ever!!!

1. Why? Because it's my last day of work before maternity leave AND my last Friday without my kiddo! Tomorrow is officially my due date -- 40 weeks of preggoness here I come. And tomorrow begins the countdown for River to make his debut. He's got until Thursday and then he'll officially get the boot. My gut -- and my SIL (who correctly predicted 14 years ago that our nephew would be born on leap year) -- tells me that my boy is planning to make an entrance on Monday. So we'll see! I'd love for that to be the case, because on Oct. 25, 2003, River's daddy asked me on a date. So it only makes sense for River to pop in on October 25th! Fingers crossed.
   
   
2. There's been A LOT of nesting going on in la casa de ramblings. I even somehow convinced my hubby that River needed a screen door on the front of the house?!!! So No. 1 dad will be installing that in the next 24-28 hours. I still don't know how i won that argument -- probably had something to do with the fact that i actually wasn't screaming, complaining or crying and James just said "Yes, sure, you're right" to keep the peace! (i'm gonna miss getting my way just cus i'm with child). I gave the house a good dusting last week, and this weekend i/we plan to do a good vacuuming and mopping. Why? you ask. Because i don't want my kid to think God jipped him and gave him to the nasty people. I want the house to be shiny. And we all know that some kids DO get jipped and get stuck with the nasty parents (dirty laundry and dog hair all over, bugs, smell of cat pee). That ain't us! And it never will be! (cus i hate cats!)
   
   
3. Last night was a sad night. It was the season finale of Jersey Shore. Tear. All i have to say is this: I can't stand Sammi, (why you so cranky? and you seriously need a cough drop cus that voice is NOT cute. You sound like Phoebe when she got sick and did the sexy version of "Smelly Cat"), i heart Pauly D, and Snooki, you DID tell JWow that Pauly was talking smack, and you LIED! But i still love you, even if you are darker than me.
   
   
4. It's time for some more Facebook rants. We all know how much i can't stand things like: updates that tell all your ghetto bizness, Bible verses (I love God, but i also know he does not have a Facebook and that verse ain't getting you into heaven. 1 is fine, but daily is too much), or updates that are about nothing other than how much you love your kid or spouse. again. sweet. but tell THEM that, not US! But now i have another pet peeve. It's not new, but i've just been noticing it more and more: Folks answering questions about me. What's this about? Every so often i will get a post on my wall telling me that some random person answered questions about "ReRe" and i have answers to unlock. What the heck? And why is the person answering the questions about me always that random friend who i probably shouldn't be friends with in the first place because 1) i really don't know who they are, but felt too guilty to decline the request 2) i really don't like them, but felt too guilty to decline the request and have been too lazy to delete them or 3) they don't know me well enough to answer 1 question about me, let alone enough to warrant a wall post!
   But Facebook has been very entertaining this week because Crazy Cousin Keisha now has a Facebook. and even though she does all the things that drive me nuts with the updates, i can't get enough! Some update highlights from my craziest family member( copy and pasted directly. no lie!):
   

   i had a scrub named PATRICK YOUNGBLOOD.Sorry 2 put u on blast but the ni@ga was water resistant.lol. Anybody else out there allergic 2 soap and water? Lol. Im over it(him)now.just he HAD sum cool while I was hormonal 4 9 months.but now im singing the Chrisette Michelle cut"EPIPHANY" ya know?!
   
   

   does anybody else besides me love grocry shoppin the day after the 1st? After the traffic has somewhat died?
   
   

   why do guys think its ok 2 fart OUT LOUD abruptly and then proceed 2 carry out the conversation like nothin happenened while lookin u n the eye? FREAKN GROSS! Unproper 4real

   
   

   
   

   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? It's not new, but i just love this song. It's "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. It was part of our sermon last week at church (reading the story behind the song makes me love it so much more):
   
   

Potluck Friday

1. Now, i don't want to be one of those crazy people who is blaming the flu shot for making me sick (i've read up on it, i know it's a dead virus, yada yada, i even have watched the vaccine be made and learned about all that crap), BUT, THE FLU SHOT MADE ME SICK! I got the sucker on Tuesday -- i typically don't get it. The last time i got it 5 years ago I got really really sick and passed it to James. We spent Thanksgiving 2005 on the couch drinking thera flu and watching Jurassic Park for a week. No fun. But i decided to get it this year so i could pass all the antibodies to River. WRONG CHOICE. I love this kid, but mommy feels like crap and really wishes she would have took daddy's advice and just bumped up my vitamin D intake instead. But it's too late. I have a sore arm, with a lump as big as J. Lo's rump on it, tingly throat and runny nose. Maybe it's not the flu shot, i could blame it on the "dedicated" folks who refuse to take a sick work day (and i blame half of it on them), but i can't deny that little shot some how jacked me up. So 2010 will be the last year ReRe EVER gets a flu shot. EVER.
   
2. So i may have been wrong about something for the last 29 years: i may NOT have child-bearing hips. they might just be wide. Monday my doc informed me that she was a little concerned/surprised that my boy hadn't started moving into position. Yes, he's head down, but he's not moving down -- if you know what i mean. She said she's not in worry mode quite yet and over the next two weeks he could still move his way down, BUT she did say that it was possible he was on the big side (i don't know where he could have got that) and was maybe having a hard time. My kid is part of the GBC -- the ghetto booty crew. I hope he's just being lazy and will start to pack his things over the next week and be ready to roll soon. We shall see.
   
3. So The Situation got the boot off of Dancing with the Stars. I'll admit, i was kind of bummed b/c not only am i a fan of Jersey Shore, i'm a fan of watching rythmless people dance! And it doesn't come more rythmless than Mike The Situation! He really took getting the boot to heart. Apparently he's never watched the show and didn't realize that you don't get votes for trying hard. You get votes for dancing well! What i don't understand is how someone who spends so much time in the club can be so bad at dancing?!
   
4. What song am i jamming this week? "Check it Out" by Will.I.Am and Nicki Minaj. Ms. Minaj is really becoming one of my favorite folks these days. She's like the black Lady GaGa!
   

I'm NOT old!

I love when our men can make us feel young and good -- but those don't make funny posts.

But these conversations do:

ReRe: You know what is depressing?
James: What?
ReRe: When you are watching a reality show and the name and age of the person pops up and you realize you are older than most of the contestants.
James: Well, sweetie, you are getting to the age where you are going to be older than most reality show people. You can be on a reality show at like 18, 21, these days. You are probably older than all the people on America's Next Top Model.
ReRe: Ok? Thanks? You really know how to make me feel good!

Potluck Friday!

1. I think it was 3:14 a.m. when James rolled over and said: "hey guess what? River is going to be here in 3 weeks -- that's CRAZY!" and then he turned over and went back to sleep. It is crazy. Today is October 1st, the last first day of the month that James and i will wake up without a child in the house. WEIRD. Today is also hair day -- woot woot. I refuse to bring a child into this world with my hair looking a hot mess, so i'm going to see Ms. CoCo later today so she can get me labor ready.
   
   
2. James' favorite commercials are the Restasis ads. He gets a kick out of the patient saying "Doctor, my eyes have been so dry, what's wrong?" and the doc saying "You have dry eye." Every time he sees it he cracks up.Clearly we've both gone into the wrong profession. I didn't know being a doctor was so easy. I could have told the dry eye lady she had freaking dry eye! What's next, going to the doc and saying that your hair has been thinning and the doc saying "you are experiencing thinning hair. " or saying you have been coughing and blowing your nose and the doc saying "you have a case of coughs and stuffy/runny nose." Medical field here i come.
   
   
3. I saw on the news that a new planet was found. Ummm, if i was Pluto i'd be ticked! And i love how scientists always say "new" when they find something. Ummm, new means new, not it took us x amount of years to find this!
   
   
4. All i have to say is Praise Jesus -- Angelina FINALLY left Jersey Shore last night! And i BETTER NOT see that girl on the 3rd season (yes, there will be a third, and yes, i will be watching it. Don't judge!) Now if only that Amber chick from Teen Mom would leave the show all would be right in the world (oh, except for the poverty, war, hate, politicians, etc. but those are not as entertaining at MTV shows).
   
   
5. What am i jamming this week? I'm embarrassed to admit it, but the song is called "Toot it and Boot" it by YG. I had to ask my brothers what it exactly meant. Of course i was appalled and disgusted (and still not clear what it means), but i can't help but to sing along and bob my head when it comes on. I secretly wanna scream "That's my jam" when i hear it, but i'm 29 and too old to admit that publicly.
   

TLC is teasing all the men

So TLC has a new obsession. We all know the network is addicted to little people and people with lots of babies, but apparently TLC is also dabbing into a polygamy obsession and is kicking off a new show called Sister Wives.


My hubby is the one who told me about this upcoming program, which is weird because it's not really a reality TV person...
Anywhoo, we've had several conversations over the topic, and of course i just had to share:

ReRe: Have you noticed that all the wives, or "sister wives" are always kinda homely? I mean, you never see a dude married to 9 hot chicks, they are always just kind plain janes, not too cute at all.
James: Well, i think we should give a plane jane a chance and bring one in!
ReRe: NOT gonna happen. Why is always the dude anyway? You never really hear about ladies with multiple husbands...probably because they are smart. Most of us don't want the one husband we have! Who would want 8 more men to have to bug to pick up their crap?
James: Yeah, you'd have to remind 8 more guys to pick up their underwear.
ReRe: Or remind 8 more guys to throw away the empty milk carton instead of just leaving it on the counter EVERY. DAY.
James: Well, if i had an extra wife, SHE could throw away that carton.

I guess point made?

But it's still NOT gonna happen! (I doubt James is gonna find 8 more mouthy black ladies who are willing to share a hubby. SISTA wives DON'T exist!)

Potluck Friday

1. First i must say that i think drugs are bad. BUT does it make me a bad person that i think some drugs are badder (yes i said badder) than other. It's kind of like a sin. You know, a sin is a sin is a sin. But in reality, some sins are worse than others. Coveting your neighbor's wife is a sin, but it's way better than going over there and choking your neighbor and hiding his body in the basement. So, any who, some drugs are badder than others, which is why i was doubly disappointed in the hotness that is T.I. when i read that not only was he arrested for drug possession, but one of those drugs was METH. Meth?!!!! Come on T.I. Have you not seen the Crystal Darkness documentary (I have a copy i can loan you and your wifey)? Have you never seen meth mouth? It's bad to get arrested for drugs at all, but to get arrested fro meth is even trashier. yuck.
   
2. Guess what i'm gonna be doing this weekend? Here are some clues: yellow cake with chocolate icing, lots of red drink and sweet tea, collard greens, fried chicken, dominoes, old dudes dancing and cuttin up, so loud you can't hear your own thoughts. If you said going to a family reunion, you are wrong. I'm going to a BLACK FOLKS family reunion. We get down different than any other folks and it's gonna be on! Did i ever tell you about the first time I took James to a reunion? We were in the food line and he leaned over and pointed to the collard greens and said "What's that?" I said "Greens." he replied "What are 'greens'?" And the entire dining hall got quiet and everyone looked at him like he was an alien. He now knows what greens are -- he can never forget.
   
3. James and i had fun last weekend in Texas, but it did make us appreciate a few things about Oklahoma (you never really appreciate what you got till you don't have it for a while):
   -- Smoke-free restaurants. I never realized how nice it was that Okiehoma restaurants are smoke free, until we were sitting at a Texas Chili's trying to enjoy our meal via burning eyes and the taste of Newports in our throats. ick! I was so confused when the hostess asked "Smoking or non-smoking?"
   
   --street signs that are easy to read. Maybe it's just a Waco thing, or maybe we are just dumb. But i think it's way easier to get around Okiehoma than Texas. Once you get off I-35, you are kinda SOL -- or at least we were. Mapquest and our android GPS didn't even know how to get us around Waco. But we figured it out.
   
   --good radio stations. Maybe i'd enjoy Texas stations if i was in to country, Spanish music, or (even worse) spanish country, but I'M NOT. The minute we crossed the border, the music went to crap. For goodness sakes, Beyonce is from Houston, so why is it so hard to find a station that allows me to drop it like it's hot while i drive?
   
4. I'm not gonna lie: I'm pretty excited about seeing Mike "The Situation" on Dancing with the Stars. I hope he dances shirt-less. Say what you want about Jersey Shore and "The Situation" but there's no denying that the boy's abs are fantabulous. He's no James, but it aint bad!
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? Well, i'm not usually a fan of Maroon 5, but i'm loving the song "Misery"
   

Potluck Friday

Happy Potluck Friday! Unfortunately my Potluck Friday chef icon dude is refusing to load, but i assure you this is a potluck!

1. You know how they say you learn something new every day? Well, it's soooooo true. Wednesday i learned something very useful: you can block status updates from certain folks on Facebook! Now, i know many of you already know this (that's because you are mean people. I on the other hand struggle even ignoring a friend request). Why will this new knowledge come in so handy, you ask? Because frankly folks aren't taking me seriously when i say ENOUGH WITH HE FARMVILLE CRAP! I'm not kidding people. Some of you have yet to post anything outside of "XXXX needs help with their chickens." Oh wait, there is one of you -- and you know who you are -- who once posted a "real" update "Hey guys, can you help me do something really dorky on Farmville that's gonna annoy ReRe." Ok, so i added that last part, but you get the jist. So yes, today i will be going through and hiding the updates from the folks who only do Farmville. If that goes well, i might start hiding updates from people who only tell the world how much they love their spouse. I love James too, don't get me wrong. But i prefer to tell HIM, not my 600 facebook friends. Showing some love here and there is no biggie, but seriously, every day do you have to start your day off with a "Hugs honey! XXOOOXXXOO" update?! Roll over and tell him in bed!
   
2. I've mentioned before my love for Big Brother. And i hate to admit it, but my love for Rachel is growing too. Yeah, she seems like she may be a few ants short of a picnic, but she cracks me up. The only thing i would change about her is the goodbye speech she gives to all the evicted house guests. It goes something like this "XXXXX I'm glad you're going home. That's what you get for trying to talk to my man. Don't you ever try to come between me and my man again." I find this amusing for 2 reasons: 1) her man has only been her man for like 30 days. and we all know how those showmances work and 2) she says this speech to EVERY evicted house guests, whether they are male or female. I think she should have a talk with her man if she feels like she has to tell other dudes to back it up. I'm just saying.
   
3. While i'm complaining about reality TV people, i might as well moan about Kenny on Top Chef. Does he not realize that he has a 1 in 17 shot at being named Top Chef? I don't think he does b/c every week he acts all shocked that he didn't win the challenge. Act shocked if you are in a competition by yourself. But you are not. And you can't win them all! I've never seen anyone who likes himself that much, besides Spencer Pratt. That's it! Kenny is the black Spencer Pratt.
   
4. Last week at camp, i told the girls "If you tinkle and you sprinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seatie." They all got a kick out of it. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was not a ReRe original, but that i memorized it when i was 7. My grandma had that posted in the bathroom. Anywhoo, i understand maybe having to remind 6th grade girls this, but there is NO REASON for grown folks to have to be reminded of this. Yet i'm amazed at how many times i go into bathrooms and see not just sprinkles, but straight up, umm, how do i say this and still sound like a lady? POO. Straight up POO residue on the seat. As my girl Sara said yesterday as we stared at disgust at one of the toilets "How do you not know that shiznit is running down your leg and smearing on the toilet?" So, if you are guilty of not doing a glance back when you are done doing your bizness, chances are i'm talking to you! So, stop posting Farmville messages and stop leaving your ickiness on the toilet!
   
5. What am i jamming this week? Not really anything new. I did bust out some burned CDs that my roomie and i made 8 years ago for our joint 21st Birthday. So i've been jamming some old-school Keith Sweat, Jay-Z, and even some Kris Kross (cus i'm the miggity miggity miggity miggity mack daddy!)

Potluck Friday

Never thought this day would get here!

1. First my apologies for the lack of blogs this week. Of course James made me feel guilty every day with "Why haven't you posted?" and "You really have been slacking this week." Well folks, i have no excuse. Well, yes i do. I've been going in at 7 a.m. every day and trust me when i say you don't want to read what's on my mind that early in the morning. It ain't funny or family-friendly! But i feel refreshed today and can't end the week without a potluck!
   
   
2. Words are not enough for the joy i have now that Jersey Shore is back on! My life is now complete: Big Brother and Jersey Shore!!! Some folks are embarrassed to admit they love these shows -- but not me!
   
   
3. I've been at a summer camp program for pre-teen girls all week. They learning about all kinds of stuff -- staying away from drugs, healthy relationships and apparently how big your ankles get when you are knocked up. Earlier this week one of the campers decided to tell me the obvious:
   Camper (in country-boony twang): OMG! Your ankles are so swollen.
   ReRe (amused, annoyed and a little offended): Yes, yes they are . I'm 7 months pregnant.
   Camper: Are they supposed to get that BIG?
   ReRe (once again amused, annoyed and little offended): Yes. It's normal.
   
   Then the camper proceeds to go up to the other camp instructors (who are also pregnant) and point out that their ankles are no where near as big as mine are. I wanted to point out that their pre-pregnancy a$$es were no where near as big as mine either, but i just smiled.
   
   
4. Today is the first day of the third-trimester -- 12 more weeks to go. Some days it feels like pregnancy is flying by, and some days (when it's 90+ degrees) it feels like it will never end. I'm officially nesting. The crib is up, the changing table and dresser will go up tonight. I will soon start packing my bag so it will be ready. I told James that his next duty would be clearing out some cabinet space in the kitchen so we'll have a spot for bottles and all the other baby stuff babies apparently need. James' reply:
   He's not kosher. We just just stack his stuff on top of our.
   
   Ok then!
   
   
5. In honor of the return of Jersey Shore, and because i love this song, my jam of the week is Enrique Iglesias' "I Like It" featuring PitBull.
   

Potluck Friday

1. My favorite new way to spend my lunch hour is to go to the book store with my girl J-Loop and read the latest Twilight Book: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (don't judge, Cristina stop laughing and keep reading). I honestly look forward to this adventure every day. Yesterday was kind of a disappointment because 1) The books that we carefully hid in the history sections -- mine behind a Tom Brokaw book and J-Loop's behind a Colin Powell book (just in case the store sold out. we figured no teens would look in the history section)-- were GONE! Apparently the book store has people who work there who make sure only the books that belong on a particular shelf are there. We panicked, but only for a little bit because luckily there were still copies on display. But the disappointment returned when 2) chatty kathy decided to sit in the sofa chair across from us and talk to her husband about how "i don't want to take the grandkids to Toy Story 3. It's that computer generated stuff and well, i just don't like that." I felt my blood start to boil. Seriously? Does she not see me reading? Could she not have had this conversation while perusing the menopause books section? I grunted. Nothing. I even pretended to take a call from James and not so quietly said: "Baby, i'll have to call you back. I'm in the bookstore and it would be rude for me to sit across someone who is reading and talk on the phone." Still Nothing. She finally ended her call -- i think she could feel my eyes burning holes in her. She never looked up -- but i know she dreamed about me last night.
   
2. What's up with Sonic's commercials trying to bag on other fast-food places for not having the things that Sonic has? I mean, really, is it necessary to have a commercial saying "We have the footlong quarter pound coney, how bout you?" and then flashing over to Mickey D's, BK and Wendy's who don't have it. But why would any of those places have a foot long quarter pound coney anyway?! I'm just now to the point where i can eat burger from Mickey D's without being scared -- i'm not gonna eat a hot dog! How would Sonic like it if Red Lobster did a commercial bragging to Sonic: "We have cheddar bay biscuits and crab, how bout you?!" I also "love" sonic's commercial trying to bag on the Wendy's frosty. All it did was make me crave a frosty! Yeah, Sonic has real ice cream -- but you can get that anywhere. but Wendy's has the FROSTY! (No, i don't work for Wendy's, Red Lobster or any of the other places. And yes, i do love me some Sonic -- i just call it like i see it!)
   
3. Big Brother is back!!! This show just makes my summer. I'm pretty sure it makes baby Jesus cry because it's really humans at their worst -- and i love every second of it. The only thing I would change would be how often it comes on (Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday). I have a research paper to finish and a baby to prepare for -- it breaks my heart that those two things will have to take a backseat to Big Brother.
   
4. Am i the only one who was kind of excited about the news that there were Russian Spies here! It just reminded me of that movie with John Travolta and the guy who looks like the guy from Perfect Strangers but isn't that guy. i have no idea what the movie is called (or if that's really John Travolta in it), but i loved it.
   
5. What am i jamming this week? Drake's "Find your love." I love Drake!
   

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!

1. If i could go back in time, i'd give Leonardo DiCaprio an Oscar for his role in What's Eating Gilbert Grape? I watched that movie this morning and it just reminded me of how dang good Leo was in the role. I'm sure you are wondering how it's not even 9 a.m. and i've had time to watch a movie. Well, these days i don't sleep well (thanks Pumpkin Seed) so i watch random movies, cartoons, the Joy Behar show (that woman is crazy and her accent is crazier) and lots of male enhancement commercials. I don't know why i can't sleep. I'm not uncomfortable (yet) but i just seem to not be able to sleep past 3 .m. Oh well, i guess my body is preparing me for October.
   
2. Is it rude that when i can't sleep i sometimes -- by sometimes i mean often -- wake up James and ask him questions like: "What are you dreaming about?" "What are you doing?" "When are you gonna wake up? and "Do you want to get up and play?" He thinks i'm a lunatic, but i think i'm doing him a favor by trying to prepare him for the role of fatherhood. I told him to pretend like i'm a crying baby.
   
3. I am convinced that Kelly from the Real Housewives of New York City is the CRAZIEST person in the WORLD. Yes, i said world. It pains me to watch her. Bravo! would never put a mentally ill person on the show and let her fight with the other women, so...oh wait, yes they would: KELLY!
   
4. James and I have both been called for jury duty on the same day. At least i won't be sitting up there alone, but jury duty sounds like no fun -- unless Pauly Shore is gonna be there.
   
5. What am i jamming this week? "OMG" by Mr. Usher Raymond. Me loves this song, it has Black Eyed Peas feel to it (probably because it features Will.I.Am):
   

I'm going to hell for this...but it's worth it

I know i'm going to hell for laughing at this video from A&E's Intervention (considering i work at a drug treatment center) but i can't help but giggle at this dude's cry! I've been teased for years about my Betty Rubble-esque laugh -- but my laught ain't got nothing on this dude's chuckle.

First watch the first video, the original:




Now enjoy the remix (doesn't it make you think that any minute T-Pain is gonna pop in and say something whacky?!):

Like i said, i'm going to hell.