Day 2 of jury duty nearly killed me yesterday. I love me some Norman, but the Cleveland County court system is as organized as an episode of Flavor of Love. It should be against the law to tell 200 people to report to jury duty at 8:30 a.m., make them sit around for hours (doing nothing) and then tell them to return the next day at 8:30, have them sit around again and then tell them to come back the next day.
The judge promised that today we would either for sure get on a case, or be sent home for good (we'll see).
Some of the "highlights" of Day 2 were:
- The woman sitting next to me who clearly has watched one too many episodes of Law & Order. After 2 hours went by without one person saying a word to our group of 18, she leaned over to me (wayyyy too close for my comfort), to inform me that they were probably trying to settle out of court, though she didn't think it was a good idea because "have you seen some of the people who have walked by?! they don't need to be settling, they need to be locked up." At one point i announced that the next time someone walked by in handcuffs, i was going to jump up and say "Hey Billy!" just so the bailiff thought i knew him and they'd let me go. Crazy lady thought that was so funny that she slapped my leg and laughed. Don't. touch. me!
- One lady brought her "old man" to jury duty with her. The bailiff was very confused why we had one more juror than we were supposed to, but then "old lady" informed the bailiff that "He's with me, he's my old man." Really? Really? You don't bring a friend to jury duty. You bring a book!
- Another lady had the nerve to wear black stirrup pants. I haven't seen those since i was in 3rd grade -- and i didn't know they made them in plus size (and either did she, b/c these were wayy too snug)! To top it off, she had the nerve to wear some light up flip flops. It's one thing to be a 4 year-old boy and sporting your light up Bob the Builder shoes, but you can't be a grown woman wearing light up flip flops!
- All the bailiffs look like Betty White. I'm not kidding. I'm not saying that bailiffs need to be young men, but really, Betty White?
- Some people are way too excited about getting paid $20 a day. That's only a good deal if we are up there for an hour or so. Anything longer than that, and we are basically paying to be held hostage. And don't even get me started on the mileage pay. I live 2 miles from the courthouse. It will cost them more to mail my mileage check than actually pay me.
1) I get on a kick-butt murder case, end up being the foreman and then later i get interviewed for a story on True TV.
2) They release me ---FOR GOOD.