Crap happens -- and ruins blogs!

So I've been getting a lot of crap lately about my irregular blogging. I'm not gonna call anyone out (cristina, james, emily, terah, kasie), but they know who they are.
In my defense, my mornings are jammed packed ever since a 15 pound meat loaf named River came into my life. Every morning i have every intention of blogging, but that doesn't always happen.

Let me tell you a story i like to call: Monday, April 4, 2011.

All weekend I was thinking about my blog topics for the week. I knew exactly what i was going to blog about Monday, April 4, 2011. I was actually on track to get to write the post. And then crap happened. Literally. CRAP.
Before i go there, let me give you a peek at what the mornings usually look like:

4:20 a.m. alarm goes off so i can hook up the the dairy machine (also known as pumping so my boy can eat at day care)
4:45 a.m. i actually wake up to hook up to the dairy machine
5:15 a.m. finish pumping, but on my gym clothes
5:30 a.m. head to the gym to work off 9 months of River and 29 years of living the delicious life
6:15 a.mish return from gym. cook breakfast for the hubby and me. while james feeds river cuddle my boy
6:45 blog (but doesn't always happen)
7:00 shower
7:20-7:50 hair, makeup, get dressed, cuddle my boy more while daddy gets him dressed
7:50-8:10 hook up to dairy machine again
8:10-8:15 pack diaper bag
8:15 leave for work, drop river off at daycare, work by 8:30

That's the usual. except on Mondays when James goes to work at 7 a.m. So that brings us to Monday, April 4, 2011.
I'm on track to get my blog in. I've got River in his high chair, i'm feeding him some cereal with one hand, also using that hand to feed myself some cereal (not his, but some special k) while i'm also hooked to the dairy machine. All is going well. I've got 10 more mins on the dairy machine, i'm going to dress Riv and go blog.

Rewind.
When i put River in his highchair, i noticed a funny smell. I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from. I figured it was his double chin (babies get funky chins/necks sometimes when drool and milk get stuck in the rolls) so i figured i'd just wipe him down real good.
We finish breakfast. I take him to the room, strip him, wipe off the funk, lotion him up and put his clothes on. I pick him up to cuddle him and realize he still smells funky. then i notice a tiny blob of poo on the changing table. That's weird. I had just checked his diaper and he was clean. But there was poop on the changing table. I take off his clothes and check his diaper again. No poop, BUT a big poop blob on his back. Weird. So now poop is on his outfit, back and changing table. But not a drop in his diaper. It's like the poop jumped from his crack to his back.

A voice, maybe it was God, told me to go look in his highchair. Oh that voice. I go take a peek and yowza, holy poopalooza. The highchair is covered. How did i miss this? How did i not know that it was his butt, not his multiple chins making that funk. So now there's poop on his outfit, back, changing table, high chair and floor (yes, the poop had seeped from the high chair to the floor). Oh wait, it's also on my hand. There goes blogging. It's amazing how one poop can take you from being 20 minutes ahead of schedule to 40 minutes behind.
I clean us up first, put him in the swing (the naughty swing at that moment -- just kidding!) and then clean up the rest. Easier said than done. For the life of me i can't get the dang highchair cover off so i can wash it (wash it along with the vibrating chair cover that he pooped on the day before). I'm trying to unfasten it, but the only thing that that's coming off is poop -- onto my hand. I'm saying choice words. Cursing Fisher Price for making the dang chair so difficult, cursing sweet potatoes for making River's poop so dang gross these days. And curing the blogging gods because yet again I wasn't going to get to blog.

I finally opt to just put the chair in the garage and wait for James to figure out how to take the cover off (it went in the garage b/c i felt that was more sanitary than leaving it in my kitchen covered in poop funk).

I was proud of myself though. I was able to get to work on time. But no, there was no blog.
But you know what, don't blame me. Any time you don't see a new post, blame this guy: