The makings of a black widow

I admit I'm a girlie girl and do not hesitate to yell like one if I see a creepy crawler. I married James for many reasons -- and one of those reasons is to handle creepy crawlers. I thought he knew this, but i recently learned this was a wrong assumption (you know what they say about assuming).

The other day while cleaning out the tub I saw what can only be described as the lovechild between a crab and a scorpion. (I'm literally shuttering just typing that, ick!). It was maybe an inch long, but it looked like it was packing heat, so i did what any girlie girl would do....I SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.

ReRe: AHHHH. BABY, BABY! COME HERE, QUICK, HELP!

My night and shining armor came running in the bathroom concerned.

James: What's wrong???
ReRe: There, look, it's a bug. It has  pincher and claws, kill it! KILL IT!!! What is it?
James: Calm down. it's nothing. (he flushes it)
ReRe: What was it?
James: I don't know.
ReRe: It had pinchers? What was it?
James: I don't know. Did you seriously scream like that for a little bug. I ran in here and didn't even pause my video game and now I'm going to lose my pro status. Next time you scream like that it needs to be for something serious, like a black widow.
ReRe: You know what? I'm about to be black widow!

The glare heard round the world (if glares could be heard)

When i was little, my mom would pinch the fat on my arms when we were in public and i was saying something i shouldn't. I remember being pinched when i attempted to tell the movie ticket lady my real age.
I've revamped this technique into a sideways stare and I use it on James occasionally. I thought i was the only wife who used this, but i saw my neighbor stare her husband down the other day.

I went over to check out the neighbors' new pool. While chit-chatting in the backyard, the neighbor informed his wife that he saw me mowing the front yard earlier in the day. It was his next comment that got him the glare of a lifetime: James is a real slave driver.

The look of shock that came across his wife's face was hilarious. She glared him to death, so much that it was the stare -- not the comment -- that made me feel awkward. She might as well have said: You can't say "slave" in front of a black person!!!!

I'm pretty sure she probably gave him an ear full when i left. She would die if she knew that when i was mowing the yard, he yelled across the street: James sure is a slave driver isn't he!

I'm thinking about going over there today in a Malcolm X shirt to see what reaction the wife has!

Potluck Friday

TGIF. Folks have been looking for my blog, so spread the word that it's now here.

1. So, yesterday i saw a man relieving himself -- and it wasn't my husband. I'm embarrassed to tell this story, but it must be told: I went to Hideaway Pizza to meet my girl Kerra for lunch. While i was waiting on her, i went to the bathroom. The restrooms at this particular Hideaway are confusing. You walk through one door labeled "restrooms" and then you go to the gender appropriate restroom. That was not hard. But when i came out of the bathroom, i got confused as to which door was the way to the lobby. I chose the door i thought was correct, but instead came face to face with a guy peeing. At first i was confused: "why is this guy peeing in the lobby?" And then i realized that I had went through the wrong door and was standing in the men's bathroom. Instead of rushing out quickly, my manners kicked in and I apologized a thousand times.
   
2. The Hideaway fun did not stop there. After telling Kerra my story, she spotted a guy wearing a size smedium (not a small, but not a medium) T-shirt that said "I love my girlfriend." He was also wearing the tightest pair of stonewashed jean shorts. Kerra and i looked at each other:
   Kerra: How much you wanna bet the guy's shirt is lying. I doubt he loves his girlfriend.
   ReRe: Oh, he loves someone, but it's not a girl.
   
3. I recently was almost run over by a Prius. Those little tree-hugging cars are so quiet! We need to use those over in Iraq and Afghanistan -- the enemy wouldn't even know we were coming.
   
4. What am i jamming this week? It's another oldie but goodie. MC Hammer's 2 Legit 2 Quit. I was in 3rd Grade when this came out and i had to correct my mom when i heard her singing: "Do the jerk, do the jerk and twist."