Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!

1. So i had every intention of getting up and watching the Royal Wedding. But clearly i don't know anything about time differences (besides East Coast is one hour ahead of me and West Coast is 2 hours behind me) so i when i got up at 6 a.m. i was so freaking confused that the wedding was over. My first thought was "who the heck gets married this freaking early in the morning?!" But apparently England's time is WAYYY different! Oh well, i've seen the highlights: Katie's dress was amazing and she looked gorgeous.
   
   Some of my thoughts on the event: Why is she now being called Princess "Katherine?" Yesterday it was fine to call her Kate or Katie, but now she's Katherine? Did she have to sign some kinda deal with the queen that she'd never go by the common name of Kate or Katie again? I still go by Princess ReRe. Another thing i noticed are all the big ugly hats the ladies (even the reporters covering the wedding) are sporting. Is that some kind of English wedding law? And if it is, those Brits need to get some lessons from some of my kin folks cus old British ladies WISH they could pull off a hat like a little old black church lady
   
   
2. James works with the elderly. And if you know one thing about the elderly it's that they just say what's on their mind. If you are fat, they are gonna tell ya. If they don't like ya, they are gonna tell ya. If they don't like Mexicans, they are gonna tell ya. So recently he was working with an elderly man. James pulled out his phone to read some notes and the man saw a pic of River and asked whose baby that was. James said it was his son and showed him a picture of both River and me. About 40 minutes later, the patient asked "It don't bother you being married to a black woman?" James asked him why it would bother him, but the patient just sputtered and said "i don't know" and changed the subject. I personally think James should have had a better response. Maybe something like:
   
   --Yes, it annoys the crap out of me. I've been waiting for the antifreeze to work for 6 years
   --She's BLACK?!
   --That's not a woman, that's a man. I love me some brothas.
   
   I can't wait until i'm old and can just say whatever the crap i want.
   
   
3. Speaking of old people who think they can say whatever the heck they want. Oklahoma's Sally Kern is at it again. I don't know why folks are acting like it's news that old Sally has said something dumb. This is the same woman who said the dudes from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and Neil Patrick Harris were bigger threats than Osama Bin Laden. Clearly she has never watched anything on Bravo! If she had, she'd realize we need MORE Andy Cohens in our life and less...um...Sally Kerns. Her recent diarrhea of the mouth was a comment talking about how women and blacks don't work hard. Well booyah Sally, i'm black AND a woman, and i'm one of the hardest working folks i know. So put that in your denture cream and suck it!
   
   
4. Graduation count down is here! In about 2 weeks, yours truly will be honored with her Master's in Public Administration (emphasis in Nonprofit Management) -- well, as long as i get through this next week of papers! I'm so excited!
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? It's "Down On Me" by Jeremih and 50 Cent.
   

Oh, so that's where babies are made!

I'll admit it. I have a cute kid. Even if he wasn't mine, i'd still think he was a cutie patootie. I also admit that our shopping trips take at least a half-hour longer because folks want to oogle him. We get the expected comments "He's so cute" "look at those big brown eyes" "i love his hair" etc.

But we got the strangest comment/conversation during a recent shopping trip. River and I were perusing the pharmacy section while James waited on a prescription. A guy who could probably replace Bernie Mac in the Kings of Comedy smiled at me a few times and nodded at River. He mumbled. Most folks wouldn't have known what he said, but since I have a lot of uncles (and a daddy) who could be members of the Kings of Comedy, i speak southern-drawl-black man. He was saying River was a good looking young man.

When James walked up to us, Pharmacy Bernie Mac gave James a fist bump (i was proud that James knew what to do!). While fist bumping, Bernie Mac said:

That's a good looking boy you got there. You didn't get him from Wal-Mart. Nope, that kid was made in the bedroom!

And then he did a creepy grunt/giggle.

How do you respond to that?! James, who doesn't speak southern-drawl-black man, didn't think he heard him correctly. But oh yeah, that's what he said.

So yes ladies and gents, you do not get Rivers at Wally World. They are strictly made in the bedroom.

Yes Mr. Officer, I'm this dumb!

A BIG Thank you to the Norman Police officer who pulled me over at 6:30 this morning. I'm not being a smart butt, i'm REALLY thanking him! Not only did he just give me a warning to slow down and turn my lights on (i'll explain more in a minute), he didn't even ask for my license -- which is a good thing because i didn't have it on me. Starting tomorrow I will be taking my license to the gym with me. I guess i just assumed that getting up at the butt crack of dawn made me exempt from carrying the proper documents.

It's funny, because i had a feeling on my way to the gym that i was going to be pulled over this morning. Maybe it's the ESP that i get now and then, or maybe it was the sheriff riding my rear-end all the way to the gym and then speeding by me. When he passed me i thought my ESP was broken. But i guess not.

So after killing my legs and arms in class, apparently i was flying down Porter. I see the lights in my mirror and of course i knew they were for me, but i slid over to the right lane in hopes that he's pass me and go after the invisible car up ahead. But nope, he got me. He barely even came up to the window. You would have thought i was a maffia member or some gangster (in my mini-vanish looking SUV with the carseat base in the back). He kind of stood far back and kinda shouted "You are driving way too fast, and you don't have taillights on." I could barely see his face because of the flashlight and he was standing 3 feet away from my car. I shouted back "I'm sorry. Really? No lights?"

He then came closer and looked in, but still kept his distance. I looked down and flicked my lights on -- lights that for the last year i thought automatically came on. NOPE.

"My bad! I thought these were just if i wanted interior lights!" I'm not kidding! I've always thought the lights came on by themselves and if i wanted to light the dash, i had to turn the knob. Yes ladies and gents, i'm college educated!

He gave me that i-can't-believe-you-have-a-license look and told me to slow down and keep my lights on when it's dark. And then he hopped in his car.

I think this goes down in history as the best experience a black person has ever had with a member of law enforcement!

Potluck Friday

This week has flown by...and i don't know if that's good or bad.

1. THIS JUST IN: Fort Worth, Texas police do racial profiling and there's an unequal amount of black and mexican folks in jail for "stupid offenses" than white folks. This also just in: Ricky Martin is a gay. I've actually known both of these items to be true. But one of my dear girlfriends didn't. And when she and her hubby (who are both white -- cover of a J. Crew magazine white) found themselves in the Fort Worth jail for nearly 24 hours after being pulled over after a NASCAR event this past weekend, she informed me of this information! She never realized that there are really some shady po-pos out there (there are some great ones too, don't get me wrong). Her exact words: "ReRe, if i were you i'd be scared to go out at night. I'm serious." Unfortunately, staying inside for the past 29 years has not been an option. So how do i keep my butt out of jail? I don't go to NASCAR! hahaha. If this was seriously a way to stay out of jail, there'd be no black folks in the system.
   
   
2. I have a lot of sleep deprived mommy friends who often struggle when they go back to work because they can barely keep their eyes open. But i think i have the perfect job for them: Air Traffic Controller. I mean seriously, I wish someone paid me to sleep. I think today we should all test that out at work. Instead of writing the tons of assessments that have collected on my desk, i'm gonna prop my feet up and doze away. Instead of making my some important calls, i'm going to throw on my snuggie and get my sleep on. I work in nonprofit, so it's wayyyy cheaper to pay me to sleep than it is to pay an air traffic controller. I'm just sayin'!
   
   
3. Should i be disturbed that earlier this week while i was addressing baby shower invites, James brought me one of River's dirty diapers because "You HAVE to see this, it's HUGE!"? Sadly, i'm not disturbed. I'm actually glad that the days of being impressed with his own...um.. accomplishments are gone (hopefully) and River's crafty work has taken their place.
   
   
4. Sad news: One Life to Live has been canceled. If you know me well, you know that i love my stories. And my favorite one is One Life to Live. I actually had 3 friends call or email me to see if i'd heard the news. I had. I'm devastated. I try to go home every day for lunch to watch OLTL (this is how the cool kids refer to it). If i can't make it home, i tape it. Yes. I said TAPE. I don't know what ABC is thinking. You allowed the travesty that was the Grey's Anatomy musical, but you aren't going to let me see how Jessica does with her split personality disorder, if Todd wakes up from his coma, if John ever finds out that Marty changed the paternity results and he really is Natalie's baby daddy or if Rex and GiGi ever get married? Darn you ABC. This is NOT winning. NOT WINNING AT ALL.
   
   
5. What's Re jamming this week? My girl J.Lo! I've always been a J.Lo fan. She's a Fly Girl, how can you not like a Fly Girl! And i love her song "On the Floor."
   

Extreme Hoarders

I recently tuned into Extreme Couponing on TLC. I won't be tuning in again. Don't get me wrong. I love me some coupons -- ask anyone who has ever stood behind me in a grocery line (coupons + my cloth grocery bags = pain in the butt for folks behind me), but what i don't like are folks who pretend to be "extreme couponers" but in actuality they are hoarders:



I mean, SERIOUSLY?! The only difference between these folks and the folks on Hoarders is instead of hoarding dusty clowns and lamp shades, they are hoarding salad dressing, body wash and toilet paper. These folks are CRAZY! Are you really saving if you have to buy 50 jars of mustard? Are you really saving if you have a basement filled with 900 bottles of maxi pads -- and you are a man? Are you really saving if it takes you 30 hours, 8 stores and 15 newspapers to go to the grocery store? I think not.

And honestly i think it's rude to clear the shelves of all the ketchup just so you can be a freaky hoarder and save $5.00, but i can't even buy the ONE bottle i need (and will use in this lifetime)! We look at the houses on hoarders with disgust. Well you know what, at least these folks are trying to get some help and most of them realize they have a problem. But nope, not crazy mustard lady on Extreme Coupon who had about 500 jars of mustard and her husband said "i don't even like mustard." THAT lady needs help.

It would be different if these folks bought all this stuff and then didn't go shopping for a few months (or years), but no, these fools are back in the store the next week.
They should change the name from Extreme Couponing to "Grocery Hoarders."

I'm just sayin'!

Potluck Friday

TGIF!

1. I remember in 7th grade our school D.A.R.E. officer talking about how drug addicts are always trying to catch that feeling of their first high, but they never do. Well, Wednesday i got an idea of what that feels like. At made an emergency dentist appointment Wednesday afternoon because one of my teeth (a baby tooth actually, yes, i'm nearly 30 with 3 baby teeth left -- and no adult ones are under them) has been bothering me for a few weeks. Wait, let me rewind and say that my favorite part of labor (besides River) was the epidural. Not because it took some of the pain away (i say "some" on purpose) , but because i just felt so dang GOOD! I've never felt so relaxed in my life. I think one of my funny epidural quotes -- there are plenty, i hear -- was "Why do people do drugs, they need to be doing epidurals!" So anywhoo, i loved my epi. I didn't realize how much i loved it until i was sitting in the dentist chair and she asked me if i wanted gas before they redid my filling. I'd never had gas, and actually i make fun of James for always getting it. But i thought what the heck and said yes.
   
   OMG! Gas, where have you been all my life?! It was at that moment that i realized i'd been searching for that epidural bliss for 5 months! And here it was all along at my dentist's office. Ok, no need to do an intervention on me. I'm not gassing myself right now, or faking tooth problems to get it, but yowza, i think gas is a close second behind the epi. Who knew?!
   
   
2. This just in, i just witnessed a flash mob! Yes, two handsome men by the names of James and River just busted in on me blogging to sing me some Katie Perry. One was wearing underwear, the other a diaper -- i'm not telling you who was wearing what (i think you'd be surprised though).
   
   
3. Real Housewives of New York is back! All i have to say is if Alex is a model, Victoria's Secret needs to be calling me. Seriously! How did that happen? And why is she so dang cranky this season. Must be the model diet.
   
   
4. I got the sweetest text from Lil Bro this week: "I love you. If you look up 'Big Sister' in the dictionary there's a picture of you!" I must say that that little boy has drove me crazy over the years, but i love him (and Middle Bro) with all my heart. I'm so luck to be there Sissy.
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week. Man, what am I NOT jamming this week. I like so many songs, so it was hard to choose one, but i did. It's "Backseat" by New Boyz (The New Boyz are the only black men on the planet rocking skinny jeans. Skinny jeans should be illegal for everyone, especially the brothas).
   

Have no fear, River will know where he came from!

In case you are worried that River will be one of those rhythmlesshalf-black kids, or one hard-core gangsta half white kids, James and I are ensuring that he is learning about both his cultures (yes, white folks have culture too!).

Our main way of doing this is through music. River is already a fan of some Kanye (he has a lullaby CD that's Kanye tunes) and he is becoming a fan of Lil Wayne more and more each day. And of course i'm teaching him to love some classic R&B such as Luther, Al Green and the likes. This past weekend i was impressed that daddy too was using music to pass on some culture to his baby boy.

James performed this jam (complete with air guitar and head banging) to our son:

Yes, "Paradise City." Of course i had no clue who sang this (James was appalled when i asked if it was Aerosmith).

Guns N' Roses is the perfect band for River. They are rock AND Slash is a mixie kid just like River!

So have no fear, River will be the most well-rounded mixie kid on the block. I can't wait to see what his iPod43 will have on it. I'm sure it'll be a mix of some classics: Dr. Dre, Montley Crue, Jodeci, and some Guns N' Roses.

Crap happens -- and ruins blogs!

So I've been getting a lot of crap lately about my irregular blogging. I'm not gonna call anyone out (cristina, james, emily, terah, kasie), but they know who they are.
In my defense, my mornings are jammed packed ever since a 15 pound meat loaf named River came into my life. Every morning i have every intention of blogging, but that doesn't always happen.

Let me tell you a story i like to call: Monday, April 4, 2011.

All weekend I was thinking about my blog topics for the week. I knew exactly what i was going to blog about Monday, April 4, 2011. I was actually on track to get to write the post. And then crap happened. Literally. CRAP.
Before i go there, let me give you a peek at what the mornings usually look like:

4:20 a.m. alarm goes off so i can hook up the the dairy machine (also known as pumping so my boy can eat at day care)
4:45 a.m. i actually wake up to hook up to the dairy machine
5:15 a.m. finish pumping, but on my gym clothes
5:30 a.m. head to the gym to work off 9 months of River and 29 years of living the delicious life
6:15 a.mish return from gym. cook breakfast for the hubby and me. while james feeds river cuddle my boy
6:45 blog (but doesn't always happen)
7:00 shower
7:20-7:50 hair, makeup, get dressed, cuddle my boy more while daddy gets him dressed
7:50-8:10 hook up to dairy machine again
8:10-8:15 pack diaper bag
8:15 leave for work, drop river off at daycare, work by 8:30

That's the usual. except on Mondays when James goes to work at 7 a.m. So that brings us to Monday, April 4, 2011.
I'm on track to get my blog in. I've got River in his high chair, i'm feeding him some cereal with one hand, also using that hand to feed myself some cereal (not his, but some special k) while i'm also hooked to the dairy machine. All is going well. I've got 10 more mins on the dairy machine, i'm going to dress Riv and go blog.

Rewind.
When i put River in his highchair, i noticed a funny smell. I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from. I figured it was his double chin (babies get funky chins/necks sometimes when drool and milk get stuck in the rolls) so i figured i'd just wipe him down real good.
We finish breakfast. I take him to the room, strip him, wipe off the funk, lotion him up and put his clothes on. I pick him up to cuddle him and realize he still smells funky. then i notice a tiny blob of poo on the changing table. That's weird. I had just checked his diaper and he was clean. But there was poop on the changing table. I take off his clothes and check his diaper again. No poop, BUT a big poop blob on his back. Weird. So now poop is on his outfit, back and changing table. But not a drop in his diaper. It's like the poop jumped from his crack to his back.

A voice, maybe it was God, told me to go look in his highchair. Oh that voice. I go take a peek and yowza, holy poopalooza. The highchair is covered. How did i miss this? How did i not know that it was his butt, not his multiple chins making that funk. So now there's poop on his outfit, back, changing table, high chair and floor (yes, the poop had seeped from the high chair to the floor). Oh wait, it's also on my hand. There goes blogging. It's amazing how one poop can take you from being 20 minutes ahead of schedule to 40 minutes behind.
I clean us up first, put him in the swing (the naughty swing at that moment -- just kidding!) and then clean up the rest. Easier said than done. For the life of me i can't get the dang highchair cover off so i can wash it (wash it along with the vibrating chair cover that he pooped on the day before). I'm trying to unfasten it, but the only thing that that's coming off is poop -- onto my hand. I'm saying choice words. Cursing Fisher Price for making the dang chair so difficult, cursing sweet potatoes for making River's poop so dang gross these days. And curing the blogging gods because yet again I wasn't going to get to blog.

I finally opt to just put the chair in the garage and wait for James to figure out how to take the cover off (it went in the garage b/c i felt that was more sanitary than leaving it in my kitchen covered in poop funk).

I was proud of myself though. I was able to get to work on time. But no, there was no blog.
But you know what, don't blame me. Any time you don't see a new post, blame this guy: