Extreme Hoarders

I recently tuned into Extreme Couponing on TLC. I won't be tuning in again. Don't get me wrong. I love me some coupons -- ask anyone who has ever stood behind me in a grocery line (coupons + my cloth grocery bags = pain in the butt for folks behind me), but what i don't like are folks who pretend to be "extreme couponers" but in actuality they are hoarders:



I mean, SERIOUSLY?! The only difference between these folks and the folks on Hoarders is instead of hoarding dusty clowns and lamp shades, they are hoarding salad dressing, body wash and toilet paper. These folks are CRAZY! Are you really saving if you have to buy 50 jars of mustard? Are you really saving if you have a basement filled with 900 bottles of maxi pads -- and you are a man? Are you really saving if it takes you 30 hours, 8 stores and 15 newspapers to go to the grocery store? I think not.

And honestly i think it's rude to clear the shelves of all the ketchup just so you can be a freaky hoarder and save $5.00, but i can't even buy the ONE bottle i need (and will use in this lifetime)! We look at the houses on hoarders with disgust. Well you know what, at least these folks are trying to get some help and most of them realize they have a problem. But nope, not crazy mustard lady on Extreme Coupon who had about 500 jars of mustard and her husband said "i don't even like mustard." THAT lady needs help.

It would be different if these folks bought all this stuff and then didn't go shopping for a few months (or years), but no, these fools are back in the store the next week.
They should change the name from Extreme Couponing to "Grocery Hoarders."

I'm just sayin'!

What makes a Big League City?

You know what makes a city a Big League City? No, it's not an NBA team, it's not a river renamed after your state, it's not even tons of international travel.

It's a Grandy's. And you know whose a Big League City? Bethany, Oklahoma. I recently took a trip to Bethany and delighted myself in some Grandy's for lunch. Nothing better than greasy fried chicken, okra, mashed potatoes and a soft roll with butter and honey. Oh wait, i know what's better than that...a sweet little lady bringing me more rolls! And that's just what i got!

Oh how i miss Grandy's. Norman USED to have one, right next to Norman High School. I ate there almost every.freaking.day. Children's chicken nugget place with fries for $2.99 baby! Sadly it closed, i blame it on two things 1) Hard to make money when you are swarmed at lunch time with teens who either only order the $2.99 kids plate or nothing at all and 2) Hard to make money when that swarm of teens scares away your target audience: 90 year-olds.

What is it with Grandy's and old folks?! Every car in the Grandy's parking lot the other day was a Cadillac -- except mine of course. And i was the youngest by at least 50 years! (i almost got run over in the parking lot by a lady wearing cataract shades!)

What would you do?

I admit that i often watch that show "What Would You Do?" on ABC. James can't stand the show, yet somehow every Friday night we find ourselves watching it and laughing at it's absurdity.


If you've never seen it, the premise is simple to explain: They put hidden cameras in a place and set up situations to see how every day joes and janes react. Some situations are awkward, like a stranger asking a person walking by to hold their dog while they run into a store, and some of the situations are dangerous/uncomfortable like two actors will act like a domestic violence couple and see if any one intervenes.

And then some of the situations are just right down ridiculous and would probably never happen, yet John Quinones is obsessed with trying to convince us that they will happen. One of my favorite crazy situations was: a woman getting wasted in a bar, while she breastfeeds her baby.
Seriously?! This is very unlikely to happen. No, i'm not saying it will NEVER happen, but it's just really unlikely. Heck, most breastfeeding ladies have a hard enough time working up the courage to breastfeed in a corner in at the Starbucks inside their local Target (i would know!), let alone whipping it out at a bar WHILE they throw back some Jack and Coke. And honestly, most folks who breastfeed follow the Breast is Best philosophy, not the Brest and Rum and Coke is Best.
Seriously ABC!

I also enjoyed the scenario where two pre-teen girls were picking on an elderly man on the sidewalk. They snatched off his hat and made fun of him for using a cane and walking slow. Once again, not saying that this would never happen, and sadly there are sickos that pick on the elderly. But i highly doubt that Abigail Breslin and Willow Smith are spending their time making fun of Betty White.

Another fail John Quinones. Another Fail.

Since "What Would You Do?" seems to be on such a "roll," i'm thinking about sending in some ideas for the show:

• An interracial couple goes to a Klan meeting at in the Tennessee boondocks and starts making out during the head dragon's speech. The other Klan members start spewing racial slurs at the couple? What Would You Do? Would you intervene? Or continue listening to the speech?
  
• You see a surgeon put a bologna samich into a patient instead of an artificial heart.
  
• Your IHOP waitress pours syrup over the heads of the patrons at the next table.
  

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!

What if...

What if the media just ignored the jerks at Westboro Church? What if the media stopped covering all the funeral protests they did? The Westboro folks remind me of a 3 year-old having a tantrum in the corner. They are acting like fools hoping to get attention, and of course when you feed in to their tantrum, they just continue to act like a hot mess. The media should follow some Super Nanny advice and put Westboro in timeout and go on with its business. Westboro will gest sick of screaming in the corner and being ignored and will eventually be quiet, apologize and go on with their day.

But this will never happen as long as we keep plastering their protests all over the news.

From one journalist to another, PLEASE stop giving these jerk wads attention (this is the first, and final time i will give them any).

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!!!

1. Man, it's been a while since i've done a Potluck Friday (as some of you have so lovingly reminded me via email, facebook, text and over dinner -- James!). In my defense, the last couple of Fridays have been holidays -- Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. But excuses are like crazy family members, everyone has a couple and no one wants to talk about them (well, that's a lie b/c i talk about Crazy Cousin Keisha all the time, so much so that she has been calling to tell me crazy stories and then says "you gonna blog that girl?!") Anywhoo, i'm back on Fridays!
   
2. Today is someone's last day to be 34 -- if you say me i will KILL you. I have 4 more years until that statement is true about me. Tomorrow is James' 35th birthday! Yes, he is a cradle robber. River is going to stay with Auntie Cris so i can take my big boy out on a date. Or heck, we may stay home and eat hot meal with both hands -- the things you cherish after kiddos. Whatever we do, it will be nice. It's been almost 11 weeks since we've been alone just the two of us.
   
3. I know it seems like i always rant about Facebook, but it's just because i love it so and hate to see it change. The latest thing that's bugging me is the new profile. I like it alright, but i haven't been able to figure out how to tell if i have friends in common with someone (if you know how, please educate me). Back in the old Facebook days -- 2 months ago -- when someone friend requested you, you could see what friends you had in common. This is how i decided if i wanted to accept of ignore. For example, if i see we have 14 friends in common, and then i click to see that those 14 friends are the 14 ghettoest friends on my friend list, i might have to ignore (I have a ghetto friends quota so i'm picky about what ghetto fab friends i accept). I try not to accept too many friends who are gonna blow up my news feed with baby daddy drama updates and ghetto type where they replace all the S's with $. (don't act like this doesn't bug you too!)
   
4. I'm happy to report that i returned to the gym on Dec. 20th and i've made it 3-4 days every week. I feel good, i've dropped the 22 pounds i gained with River and i'm looking to get into the best freaking shape of my life. No, that's not a size 2 -- my head is wayyyy too big to support that, besides all the "skinny" girls in my family are size 12! I just want to get toned up and be ready in 2 years to chase River around the house!
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? It's Rihanna's "What's My Name" featuring Drake. I love this song. it seems to be on the radio every morning at 7:40 so i sing it to River on the way to school :)
   

Count Down to the end of my life....

Some pregnant ladies get annoyed when folks want to rub their bellies -- i don't mind (as long as you aren't some weirdo and you have all your teeth or at least a good set of dentures)

Some pregnant ladies get annoyed at comments like "are you carrying twins?" "man, you look like you were due yesterday" or the plain and simple "you are huge." -- amazingly i don't mind these either. As long as their is a kiddo in me, you can comment on my roundness all you want. BUT in 3-4 weeks you better shut your face.

But what i CAN'T stand are the constant comments about how "your life is going to be OVER. so enjoy this time while you can."

Don't get me wrong, i know that life is going to be very different. I won't be able to decide that I need to go to Opies in an hour. I may not be rushing out to see a 2 hour new release in the near-near future, and my nights of 9 hours of sleep are going to dwindle (though if you are on Facebook at 3 a.m. you would know that i haven't slept through the night in at least two months).

Yes, i know all of these things and more. But there's nothing worse than telling two people who are about to start such an exciting journey that life is really about to SUCK. I have some mommy friends who tell me all the ugly sides of pregnancy and the after, i love and need that, it's real. But what i don't love or need is weird laughing church lady who told me Sunday: "Man, you won't be going out alone for a long, long time. Kiss those movies and dates goodbye once this baby comes."

(James said i should have told her: well, my hubby is not ashamed of me, so he will still take me out.)

Other annoying your-life-is-gonna-suck-soon comments i hate are:

• You and James are never going to have "alone" time again. -- umm, that's right. because people NEVER have "alone" time after they have a kid. that's why every couple has just one kid (ignore the fact that James is #9 of ELEVEN kids) . Ok???
  


• No more date nights. -- to the folks that have not been on a date since their kid was born 10 years ago, shame on you! don't blame that on your kid! just admit that you just don't really like your old lady/old man anymore! Trust me, this mama will have her some date nights. happy mama = happy house!
  


• When someone's kid is acting a fool, throwing a crazy tantrum, the parents look at you and say: "I hope you are ready for this." -- No, i'm not ready for that, and i don't need to be because i'm not gonna have a BeBe kid. Notice that it's always the person with the baddest kid who wants to prepare you for incidents like your kid slapping you in Wal-Mart or your teen calling you a "B." Now, i'm not saying my boy is going to be perfect, but I know how my mama raised me and trust me, we knew better to act a fool in private, let alone in public!

My question is this: if kids are sooooooooo terrible, than why do folks keep busting them out!

Ok, off my soapbox!

Two pregnant ladies walk into a salon...

So a little over a week ago i had my first pedicure! My toes still look HAWT! and i think i will partake in another pedi in a couple of weeks. With that being said, the experience was still weird. Maybe it was just the place we went to -- i doubt it though because i've heard similar stories and stand-up acts based solely on pedis -- but could it have been any more stereotypical?!

The answer: NO!

First off, the minute we walked in -- i went with a pregnant girlfriend -- it felt like we were being yelled at. I had no idea what was completely being said but i got the jist that they wanted to know a few things: why are you here? do you have an appointment? pedi? mani? both? color? why are you both so fat? (ok, i threw in that last one, but i totally know they were all thinking it). I had no idea why it took all 8 employees to yell/ask these questions, but it did.

An hour later -- after stuffing our preggo selves with some Mexican food -- we headed back to the salon for our appointments.

We settled in the massage chairs, and the fun began.

I have no idea where the pedi ladies are from, but wherever they grew up they clearly did NOT get a lesson in gossiping.

Gossip Rule #1: when you are talking about someone/someone's feet, it's best not to hold up the foot, yell down the line at all your co-workers, point at the foot and start chatting. Ummm, no, i don't know what you are saying, but i'm pretty sure it ain't good!

Along with totally dissing our feet, the ladies also talked about each and every woman who walked in the salon. When a tall, thin, blond, overly-tanned lady walked in, all the workers stopped, stared, and then rolled their eyes and started "whispering" to each other.

When my lady was ready for my other foot, she would grunt at me until i guessed what she wanted me to do. My girlfriend's lady was a little nicer, even though she spent the hour telling my friend how "huge your belly is." When my friend motioned to my belly and noted that i too was expecting and was further along, her pedi lady brushed it off and said "Yeah, but your belly is much much bigger. healthy baby." I think "healthy baby" means "fat kid you got there," but i don't know.

Besides the gossiping, the other thing that didn't jive with me was the fact that i'm pretty sure -- no, i know -- that they use the same tools on everyone's feet. GROOOOOSSSSSS. This is the exact reason why i've gone 29 years without a pedi. Yes, my toes look nice, but all i could and can think about is the fact that the pumice stone and cuticle thingy used on me was probably used on 7 other people who are all connected to Kevin Bacon some how.

This experience has not soured me to pedis. Like i said, i will partake in another (my girl T. Marie told me of a place that does not use the same tools on everyone!), just not at Natural Nails in Sooner Mall!

(and i thought all the sistas at the beauty shop were bad!)

Potluck Friday

1. My hubby has been reprimanding me for not blogging all week. I apologize, BUT in my defense i must say it's hard to wake up and be funny when you are living on 3 hours of sleep. I expect to be sleep deprived in 6 weeks when my boy comes, but no one told me that the last few weeks of pregnancy are so freaking uncomfortable. I've always had junk in the trunk, but trying to sleep with junk in the trunk and front -- and then peeing every 30 seconds is a lot harder than i thought it'd be. So again, i apologize. But at least i gotta Potluck for ya (that's all that counts!).
   
   
   
2. So about 6 months ago i had to break down and buy some clinical strength deodorant (that sets me back $8. EIGHT BUCKS). Another thing no one told me is that hormones can drastically change and make you funkier. Well, they can. BUT this week i realized that my hormones had not changed...the only thing that freaking changed is that Sure deodorant decided to get all sneaky and change its package to look like my Secret. Yes, 6 months ago on my deodorant run, i accidentally grabbed a Sure, thinking it was my Secret (which has not told on me in 17 years). But after a few days i just felt wet and funk. Instead of taking a good look at my deodorant and realizing it was the wrong brand, i just got depressed that the deodorant strong enough for a man, but made for a woman was no longer made for me. This week James ran out of deodorant and decided to use the "Secret" that was still sitting on dresser -- untouched since March. It wasn't until he was putting it on that i realized "THAT'S NOT SECRET! AND I'M NOT FUNKY(ER)!" So i think the folks who make Sure should pay me $24 -- that's $8 that i shelled out monthly for my clinical strength deodorant. You owe me Sure.
   
   
3. As we prepare for the arrival of River, we've really been trying to act like good parents, you know, pretend like he's already here and try to do things like: wear more clothes around the house (yes, we are THOSE people), sit at the dinner table (we are striving to be THOSE people), and (this is something James is working on) not making suggestive motions when i'm bent over the oven. Another thing we are working on is making sure the pan and pot handles are not hanging over the stove when we cook. I'm better than James at ensuring all the handles are turned. The other day i pointed to his handles and reminded him of the safety risk:
   ReRe: (pointing to pot handle) Baby, what would happen if River grabbed this and poured hot food all over his face? We have to keep these turned in.
   James: If River can reach through your ya-ya and grab that pot handle, i say more power to him.
   We will continue to work on this.
   
   
   
   
4. I don't think i'm a fan of the new location thingy on Facebook. For two reasons: 1) it could be a safety risk. Do you really want to tell 600+ people you just arrived at some restaurant 900 miles away from your house? I don't know about you, but i have some ghetto Facebook friends who i DON'T want knowing when i'm out of town! and 2) It's annoying! know one cares that you are at 'home', 'wal-greens' , or 'kfc.' The only time you should use this feature is if you are somewhere really cool or really shady. For example 'sugers' is a great example (for those of you who don't know, Sugers is a skeezy strip club on Campus Corner, and i'm pretty sure they'd hire me today (that tells you a lot!). You can't tell me you wouldn't roll on the floor if you saw, say your pastor or uncle put that he had just arrived at Sugers!
   
   
   
5. What is ReRe jamming this week? It's "Break My Bank" by New Boyz featuring lyza:
   
   
   

Pet Peeves

don't you dare think the title of this post has ANYTHING to do with hormones. I've had these pet peeves for way longer than my 32 weeks of pregnancy, it just so happens that i'm letting them out now. So don't go assuming!

2 pet peeves that have been driving me nuts this week:

1. folks who slow down when they see a cop has someone pulled over: Ummm, i don't understand this. He ALREADY has someone, he ain't looking at you. When i see a cop has already caught his fish, i take it as my opportunity to raise up my Forty and wave at him. Ok, not really, but you can AT LEAST go the freaking speed limit. But no, 99 percent of folks creep by, like he's gonna tell the person he already caught "Ok, nevermind your speeding, i'm gonna go after that guy over there for, umm, just because." NO people! just drive like normal -- or even a little faster than normal -- because Mr. PoPo is occupado.
   
2. folks who take forever in the drive-thru: What the heck are these people ordering?! This ain't Golden Corral, Cracker Barrel or some other restaurant. This is freaking Mickey D's. There should be no need to peruse the menu -- you've been here enough times and seen enough commercial to know what the clown serves. But no, you are just looking and looking, talking and talking. Do me a favor, ask little Billy if he wants a cheeseburger happy meal or "chicken" nuggets BEFORE you leave the house. And you know Billy is not gonna eat it anyway, the fries are gonna just end up in the backseat next to the gold fish crackers and gum. And i don't know what's worse, the person who takes forever to order and then you see all they got was a coke -- what the heck were you talking about, health care reform, BP? -- or the person who gets like 8 bags and 15 drinks handed out the window AND still has to pull up for the rest of their order. Dang, Wally World is up the street, go buy some real food and cook it.

Ok, i'm done! Happy Hump Day!

Potluck Friday

1. My favorite new way to spend my lunch hour is to go to the book store with my girl J-Loop and read the latest Twilight Book: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (don't judge, Cristina stop laughing and keep reading). I honestly look forward to this adventure every day. Yesterday was kind of a disappointment because 1) The books that we carefully hid in the history sections -- mine behind a Tom Brokaw book and J-Loop's behind a Colin Powell book (just in case the store sold out. we figured no teens would look in the history section)-- were GONE! Apparently the book store has people who work there who make sure only the books that belong on a particular shelf are there. We panicked, but only for a little bit because luckily there were still copies on display. But the disappointment returned when 2) chatty kathy decided to sit in the sofa chair across from us and talk to her husband about how "i don't want to take the grandkids to Toy Story 3. It's that computer generated stuff and well, i just don't like that." I felt my blood start to boil. Seriously? Does she not see me reading? Could she not have had this conversation while perusing the menopause books section? I grunted. Nothing. I even pretended to take a call from James and not so quietly said: "Baby, i'll have to call you back. I'm in the bookstore and it would be rude for me to sit across someone who is reading and talk on the phone." Still Nothing. She finally ended her call -- i think she could feel my eyes burning holes in her. She never looked up -- but i know she dreamed about me last night.
   
2. What's up with Sonic's commercials trying to bag on other fast-food places for not having the things that Sonic has? I mean, really, is it necessary to have a commercial saying "We have the footlong quarter pound coney, how bout you?" and then flashing over to Mickey D's, BK and Wendy's who don't have it. But why would any of those places have a foot long quarter pound coney anyway?! I'm just now to the point where i can eat burger from Mickey D's without being scared -- i'm not gonna eat a hot dog! How would Sonic like it if Red Lobster did a commercial bragging to Sonic: "We have cheddar bay biscuits and crab, how bout you?!" I also "love" sonic's commercial trying to bag on the Wendy's frosty. All it did was make me crave a frosty! Yeah, Sonic has real ice cream -- but you can get that anywhere. but Wendy's has the FROSTY! (No, i don't work for Wendy's, Red Lobster or any of the other places. And yes, i do love me some Sonic -- i just call it like i see it!)
   
3. Big Brother is back!!! This show just makes my summer. I'm pretty sure it makes baby Jesus cry because it's really humans at their worst -- and i love every second of it. The only thing I would change would be how often it comes on (Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday). I have a research paper to finish and a baby to prepare for -- it breaks my heart that those two things will have to take a backseat to Big Brother.
   
4. Am i the only one who was kind of excited about the news that there were Russian Spies here! It just reminded me of that movie with John Travolta and the guy who looks like the guy from Perfect Strangers but isn't that guy. i have no idea what the movie is called (or if that's really John Travolta in it), but i loved it.
   
5. What am i jamming this week? Drake's "Find your love." I love Drake!
   

Men in shorts that annoy me

One of the things that has always annoyed me about police officers (and this is one of MANY things) is that they seem to have no respect for the laws of the road. You see them speeding, riding people's butts, not using turn signals, passing at inappropriate times, playing on Facebook on their little car laptops, etc.

But apparently it's not just police officers that think an issued car is a license to drive like a fool. Another set of men in uniform LOVE to drive like maniacs (at least down my street). Who are these men: FedEx drivers.

Yesterday i thought i was gonna have to have an old school beat down on one dude who decided it was appropriate to drive 50 mph down my street, and then slam on his brakes when he reached his destination. I yelled "SLOW DOWN"when he flew by (I also yelled it again when he got out the van -- in his daisy dukes). Then the sucka had the nerve to round the cul-de-sac and fly by at 50 again. He was going too fast for me to see if there was a number (besides 1-800-TOOL) for me to call to complain.

But he'll be back. I've seen him many a times, and we will meet again....

ReReReRepossessed

So yesterday James and his co-workers entertained themselves by watching the repo man take one of their co-workers cars.

Now, i know i'm about to show my ghetto side, but really? Really? If you know that you are behind in your payments and your car could possibly be repossessed, WHY would you drive it to work. I've never been a Repo Man, but the first place i would look is your house and the SECOND place i would look (5 seconds after leaving your house) is your JOB!!! Come on people. If you aren't gonna pay your car note, at least be smarter and hide your car.

The things we do for smaller butts

I've stopped kidding myself with the idea that i can continue getting up at 5:30 in the morning and going to the gym. I love my morning workouts, but i love sleep more. So i've opted for working out after work. It's a pain for many reasons:

1. i hate carrying my purse and my workout bag to work


2. i never bring enough water so by the time i get to gym i don't have anything to drink


3. it's so easy to say "forget it" and just drive home after work

But the worst part about working out in the afternoon is the gym itself. Not only is it crazy crowded -- i basically have to park at my house and walk to the Y -- but people are crazier in the afternoon. Two ladies almost mowed me down in the parking lot yesterday. One was on her cell phone and just pulled out in front of me (i have a strict "no cell phones while driving in the Y parking lot" rule) and the other lady looked like she was sleep and did not hit her breaks until her teen yelled "MOM." And then she glared at me. I thought about glaring back and showing her my favorite finger but then i realized we went to church together.

Sadly, all this drama is before i even got into the gym. When you walk in there are people every where. They are signing up for memberships -- blocking the little kiosk i slide my card in-- they are chasing after little kids. They are every where. And then when you get inside the actual workout room you have to wait a thousand years for a good machine. I run up to an empty elipitical only to find an "Out of Order" sign. When i finally do get on a machine, Sweaty Joe stands 2 inches behind me waiting for me to get off. I feel his eyes staring at my timer making sure i don't go over the suggested 30 minute time limit.

I'm tempted to just sit on my butt and let it expand -- but after a 10 p.m. snack of a honey bun , i know that's not the smart option. So i will suck it up and dodge cars in the parking lot, be forced to let a 5 year-old hold the door open for me, and let Sweaty Joe breathe down my neck.

But i won't like any of it.

Facebook rant. Blame it on the hormones.

I have a Facebook friend request that i've left in pending mode for about 2 weeks. I'm kind of hoping that i will pend it for so long that the person will forget about me and cancel the request.
Why don't you just ignore it, you ask? Well, i'm too nice for that. I'd rather just pretend i haven't seen it. Maybe the person will think i don't check my page often. Maybe they will think I moved to another country that doesn't have Facebook.
What happens when you ignore a request? Does the person get a message that says "Your former co-worker who you worked with over 2 years ago, but barely said two words to has decided that she does not want to be your friend"?
I really wish that's the message that would get sent. Because really, why does someone who basically snarled at me for 5 years, now want to be my friend on Facebook? I can honestly say that i like all of my Facebook friends. When i get a friend suggestions, i don't just approve them automatically because we have 72 friends in common or because we had the same third grade teacher. If i think "Ugh, i couldn't stand that girl back in 1992" i DON'T send a request!
While i'm on my Facebook rant, what's up with folks who put all their drama into their status updates?
I'm not kidding, in a two second period i saw three different status updates that consisted of baby daddy drama, ex-wife drama and what i can only guess is legal drama. Really? Must you take the Jerry Springer show viral? There are just some things folks should keep to themselves -- or their therapist.
When i read these ghettodates (ghetto-updates) it made me stop and think about what they meant about me, and i concluded that I have some ghetto friends.
Ok, my hormones are done raging over Facebook.

In exciting baby news: I have lost a pound since getting pregnant. Seriously?! I should have gotten pregnant 15 years ago!!! (i'm just kidding -- my mama would have KILLED me).