I heard it through the crazy vine!

Here's a recap of recent of some convos heard around casa de ReRe Ramblings:

ReRe: Are you going to come move your plate from the table? This ain't the Waffle House.
James: No, this is the Awful House...BWAHAHAHAH!

James: Are you interesed in seeing that movie Rock of Ages?
ReRe: No.
James: Because it's before your time?
ReRe: No, it's because i'm black!

I'm NOT old!

I love when our men can make us feel young and good -- but those don't make funny posts.

But these conversations do:

ReRe: You know what is depressing?
James: What?
ReRe: When you are watching a reality show and the name and age of the person pops up and you realize you are older than most of the contestants.
James: Well, sweetie, you are getting to the age where you are going to be older than most reality show people. You can be on a reality show at like 18, 21, these days. You are probably older than all the people on America's Next Top Model.
ReRe: Ok? Thanks? You really know how to make me feel good!

Potluck Friday

OHHHHHH What a week it has been....

1. It's not just TGIF, it's TGIMCHF: Thank God it's MC Hammer Friday! Yep, that's right, River and i will be stepping out to my baby boy's first concert tonight. I'm sure he will be have his parachute pants on in utero. I'm going with two crazy girls who i'm sure will make the night loads of fun...AND the concert is at the State Fair, so not only do i get to see MC Hammer, i also get to see all kinds of folks that you only get to see this time of year (unless you are watching cops). I'm going to be the DD tonight since, well, it would be inappropriate for me to throw back a few at the concert. Or would it? My girlfriend made an interesting point: "I'm sure you would not be the only pregnant woman drinking at the State Fair." True Dat, but i'll refrain!
   
   
2. We all know that men are just a different species. They think different from any other animal on this planet. I love to watch them in their natural habitat. I love to just sit back and see how their mind works. I did this recently and here is what i saw:
   ReRe: Baby, what's going on on the back of your boxers?
   James: Huh? (tries to turn far enough behind him to check it out, of course he can't see)
   ReRe: You have a big hole! It's like you are naked!
   James: What?! (He goes and looks in the mirror, and sure enough there's a Grand Canyon size piece of material missing).
   
   So what does man do? He takes them off, replaces them with an intact pair, and then puts the holey pair in the dirty clothes -- so of course we can have this same conversation next week.
   ReRe: Umm, baby, how about you put those in the TRASH.
   James: Good idea.
   
   
3. So folks are really loving this Facebook dilly whopper where you can tell everyone where you are right then and there (i'm sure i've ranted about this, but i'm gonna rant again). Not only do folks not need to know that you are at the Waffle House, BUT isn't that basically and open invite for folks to go rob you? Especially if you are telling the world you are somewhere that is way to cool to be in your home state? There's no Ikea in Oklahoma, but last week i had 5 girlfriends who all checked in there, and if i was a ghettoer person, i would have been checking in at their fancy houses! But i'm not that ghetto (and i'm too hot, pregnant and lazy to go break the law) -- but i guarantee you we all have at least one ghetto person on our friends list who would totally ponder the idea (that's why i try to keep all my ghetto friends on Myspace -- Separate but Equal-ish).
   
   
4. I'm so glad Fall TV is back! Glee and Big Bang Theory were greatly missed in the James and ReRe household. The Real Housewives of Atlanta returns Monday! Now i'm just waiting on V to come back and i'll be a happy couch potato.
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz featuring Nicki Minaj (who is kinda weird):
   

Convos with my Cousin

I'm sure some of you remember my tales of my crazy cousin Keisha -- trying out for American Idol a month after the season was already on, calling me in while she was in labor and trying to chit chat and gossip, leaving voicemails on her phone telling the repo company they were never gonna find her car, etc.

She's given herself the title of my "favorite cousin" and frankly i have to admit that she does keep me entertained the most. Every time i talk to her, 5 new blogs immediately come to my mind. Here is a synopsis of yesterday's conversation:

Crazy Cousin Keisha: Hey cousin! Guess what?
ReRe: What? ( i always get nervous when she starts conversations like that)
Crazy Cousin Keisha: I'm getting married?
ReRe: To the old guy?
CCK: No! I am done with him. Well...we are still together, but we aint' "together."
are you as confused as i was?
ReRe: Huh? Ok? So who are you marrying.
CCK: XXX (i'm protecting all identities, well except my cousin's!). I used to date him 6 years ago and we've recently reconnected.
ReRe: And now you are engaged?
CCK: Yeah, but we aren't going to get married for a while....he's not eligible for parole until 2027.
ReRe: WHAT?! He's in prison? How did you meet a dude in prison?
CCK: DOC website.
ReRe: Keisha! That website is NOT E Harmony or Match.com! You don't look up people on that site so you can date them!
CCK: Girl, i know! But there's just something about him.
ReRe: Yeah, there is, it's called prison. If a dude is wearing state-issued underwear, he is UNDATEABLE. And i guarantee you he is writing you and probably 4 other ladies who all think in 17 years he's gonna marry them.
CCK: You think?
ReRe: Ummm, yeah. EVERY dude in prison wants to marry you -- until they get out of prison!
CCK: Cousin, you are my conscience! I'm so glad you i talked to you. You really got me thinking...
Yes! I'm getting through! I'm getting through!
CCK: ...when i talk to him tonight i'm gonna ask him if he's writing anyone else.

Oh well, i thought i was getting through. Wait, that was harsh. I don't know Mr. State-Issued Underpants. Maybe he really is only into my cousin, maybe he'll be honest with her and say he has 15 other fiances...and maybe he didn't commit that armed robbery.

Products for WoMEN

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, i saw this ad:


Seriously?! The Shake Weight is bad enough (even though i do want one for Christmas b/c this kiddo has made my arms giant), but a shake weight for dudes?! Ladies, if your man asks for a Shake Weight, chances are he probably has a secret encounters ad posted on Craigs List -- and it ain't seeking women.

Shake Weight for men is not the only thing that's got me worried about the mindset of our men. This ad also worries me:


I'm not trying to say men can't worry about their "figures," but nothing is less sexy then a dude in a girdle.
Shake Weight for Men, Slim Ts. What's next? Midol for men?

Men are just nasty

Yesterday James got a taste of what ladies have to go through anytime we must go to the bathroom: long lines.

When we got out of the movies (We saw Inception. It was good, but not AMAZING the way folks are making it out to be) the line to the men's room was crazy long. I've never seen so many dudes lined up to potty. Amazingly i didn't have to go -- probably b/c i went twice before the movie and probably 20 times earlier that day. Anywhoo, I posted up against a wall b/c i knew it was gonna be a while.

To my shock, the line moved really fast. Before I knew it James was no longer outside the bathroom and had moved his way in. I attributed the fast line to the fact that men don't have as much work to do as women when it comes to going to the bathroom (they can just whip it out and go). But apparently the line and whole experience moved fast for another reason, as noted by my hubby:

James: That line was long. I figured i'd be waiting forever to wash my hands, but amazingly the line was only for the urinals -- no line at all to wash your hands!

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Things NOT to say to a pregnant lady

Over the years my hubby has quickly learned the things he should not say to me, or any other woman. Things like: "you're getting seconds?" "Are those pants snugger?" "When are you going to the salon?" "Oh, let me slide my hand back there -- my arms are smaller" etc.

But apparently my hubby must learn another list: things not to say to his pregnant wife.

Once he masters that list, i hope to never have a conversation like this one:

I'm standing in the bathroom, brushing my teeth

James: Are you sticking out your belly?
ReRe: Huh? Um, no.
James: Really?! You aren't sticking it out?
ReRe: Really, i'm not. This is the way it is.
James: (he gets behind me and puts both hands on my belly) You aren't poking this out at all?! This is it in a relaxed state?
ReRe: Yes, THIS IS MY BELLY NOW.
James: Wow! You really have changed in the last few weeks.
ReRe: I will kill you with this electric toothbrush.

I would not believe this if i didn't see it with my own eyes

For the past several weeks James and I have been trading cars on the days he has to drive a good distance -- so he doesn't put too many miles on his new baby.

This week i got my car back. Twice it acted like it didn't want to start. I thought i was going to be stuck in the boonies (also known as the land with no black people) but luckily it started.

I called James to inform him of my car woes. His response: Yeah, that probably has something to do with all the times i let the battery die.

Apparently James likes to drive with the lights on during the day and forget to turn them off when he reaches his destination.

So Monday night James drove up to one of the auto stores to have the battery tested, and sure enough my bat was almost gone. Easy $100 fix.

About 3 hours after James had returned home from the auto store, Lil Bro dropped in for some "food" (also known as blended up soup). When he walked in the door he informed that the lights were on on my car.

Yes ladies and gents. My loving husband ruined my battery, drove my car up to get a new battery, drove home -- AND LEFT THE LIGHTS ON.

Women are from Venus, Men are from a dirtier planet

It's no secret that men and women are different. We interpret lots of things differently and apparently house hold chores are no exceptions.

To me, doing the dishes consists of: unloading and loading the dishwasher. and making sure the counters are clear of junk. and take out the trash if needed.

To James, doing the dishes: is...doing the dishes. food can be crusted to the stove, counters and anywhere else. but that does not matter. clearing crust off surfaces and taking out the trash is "cleaning the kitchen" and therefore falls outside the scope of "doing the dishes."

To me, washing the dogs consists of: washing the DOGS. both dogs.

To James, washing the dogs consists of: washing the dog that smells the most doggy and letting the other one stank for another week or so.

To me, taking out the trash means you put a new trash bag in the can.

To James, taking out the trash means you take out the trash and then put other trash on the counter because there no liner in the can now.

I know i'm not the only loving wife who has a list like this. So i though i'd be kind and just give some advice to the men out there:

• Cleaning the bathroom is more than wiping down the counter and mirror. The toilet and bathtub are actually the main components that need to be cleaned.


• Dirty dishes should be stacked IN the sink, not ON the sink.


• Dirty dishes are best rinsed and stacked in the dishwasher. When it's full, you can just start! (It makes no sense to load a dishwasher if you aren't gonna start it).


• It's easier to find clothes and undies when they are in your closet or drawer than when they are in 5 different laundry baskets -- so don't be afraid to fold some clothes!


• If you smell something funny when you walk in the house, you find the smell. You DON'T lay on the couch until it magically disappears. (and it does not disappear, you just get used to it).

Finally, something good from Canada

I did something i'm kind of embarrassed to admit: I bought the Justin Bieber CD. In my defense it was only $8 at Wally World. I couldn't pass that deal up.
I'm so embarrassed that my 28 year-old self is in love with a 15 year-old kid from Canada who sounds like Mickey Mouse. Judge me not. If Justin is good enough for Ludacris, he's good enough for me.
Like i've said before, i'm not a CD buyer. I really really have to like a song to buy the CD (one day i'll get hip enough to get one of those gadgets where i can download my music too -- i'll work on that after i quit using a VCR to tape my stories). Justin is not the only inappropriate crush i've had over the years.
Here are some other crushes that i've had that you may find surprising:

• Kidd Rock: yeah, he looks like he might smell and be sticky if you touched him. But there's just something about him that i like.
  
• The blue Avatar guy: i think the actor is way hotter when he's all blue with a tail. Am i the only one who fanned myself during the Avatar love scene? (i know i'm not).
  
• Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory: knowledge is sexy, and ironically some of James' co-workers call him Sheldon.
  
• K-Fed: Yeah, i said it. I think he's cute. And other people would admit it too if he wasn't, well, K-Fed.
• Anderson Cooper: He's the hottest journalist in the world. Sadly i hear that i'm not his type -- figures!