Potluck Friday

Never thought this day would get here!

1. First my apologies for the lack of blogs this week. Of course James made me feel guilty every day with "Why haven't you posted?" and "You really have been slacking this week." Well folks, i have no excuse. Well, yes i do. I've been going in at 7 a.m. every day and trust me when i say you don't want to read what's on my mind that early in the morning. It ain't funny or family-friendly! But i feel refreshed today and can't end the week without a potluck!
   
   
2. Words are not enough for the joy i have now that Jersey Shore is back on! My life is now complete: Big Brother and Jersey Shore!!! Some folks are embarrassed to admit they love these shows -- but not me!
   
   
3. I've been at a summer camp program for pre-teen girls all week. They learning about all kinds of stuff -- staying away from drugs, healthy relationships and apparently how big your ankles get when you are knocked up. Earlier this week one of the campers decided to tell me the obvious:
   Camper (in country-boony twang): OMG! Your ankles are so swollen.
   ReRe (amused, annoyed and a little offended): Yes, yes they are . I'm 7 months pregnant.
   Camper: Are they supposed to get that BIG?
   ReRe (once again amused, annoyed and little offended): Yes. It's normal.
   
   Then the camper proceeds to go up to the other camp instructors (who are also pregnant) and point out that their ankles are no where near as big as mine are. I wanted to point out that their pre-pregnancy a$$es were no where near as big as mine either, but i just smiled.
   
   
4. Today is the first day of the third-trimester -- 12 more weeks to go. Some days it feels like pregnancy is flying by, and some days (when it's 90+ degrees) it feels like it will never end. I'm officially nesting. The crib is up, the changing table and dresser will go up tonight. I will soon start packing my bag so it will be ready. I told James that his next duty would be clearing out some cabinet space in the kitchen so we'll have a spot for bottles and all the other baby stuff babies apparently need. James' reply:
   He's not kosher. We just just stack his stuff on top of our.
   
   Ok then!
   
   
5. In honor of the return of Jersey Shore, and because i love this song, my jam of the week is Enrique Iglesias' "I Like It" featuring PitBull.
   

Men are just nasty

Yesterday James got a taste of what ladies have to go through anytime we must go to the bathroom: long lines.

When we got out of the movies (We saw Inception. It was good, but not AMAZING the way folks are making it out to be) the line to the men's room was crazy long. I've never seen so many dudes lined up to potty. Amazingly i didn't have to go -- probably b/c i went twice before the movie and probably 20 times earlier that day. Anywhoo, I posted up against a wall b/c i knew it was gonna be a while.

To my shock, the line moved really fast. Before I knew it James was no longer outside the bathroom and had moved his way in. I attributed the fast line to the fact that men don't have as much work to do as women when it comes to going to the bathroom (they can just whip it out and go). But apparently the line and whole experience moved fast for another reason, as noted by my hubby:

James: That line was long. I figured i'd be waiting forever to wash my hands, but amazingly the line was only for the urinals -- no line at all to wash your hands!

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

The Poopty Dance

Who says white boys can't rap?!

This morning my hubby announced to me that he was going to do his business in the bathroom (why he thinks he must tell me, i don't know. but i guess it prepares me for having a son).

James got creative with his announcement:

Stop whatcha doin' cus i'm about to ruin the clean commode that you're used to.

Yes, he channeled his inner-Humpty.

Potluck Friday

Nothing could excite me more than a Friday -- well, a double rainbow could, but that's about it!

1. Guess who i'm NOT calling back -- ever. The U.S. Census Bureau. They've been stalking me for about a month. One evening i get a call from a dude who thinks i'm dumb and thinks that his opening statement of "You've been selected to do a 20-minute Census Survey!" was going to actually make me think that him being on the other line was a good thing. Of course i told him i was busy and to call back the next night at 6:30. He listened like a good boy scout, except i didn't answer. And i haven't answered since that first night, but the Census people still call me daily (twice now). I've done my duty, i turned in the form, that's all your getting from me. Growing up i was trained not to answer "out of area" calls or any other call that could be from a bill collector, so the Census folks are gonna have to get a lot more clever if they think they are getting me to pick up the phone.
   
2. When i worked at Burger King back in the day, i didn't claim to know all there was about whoppers, but like everything in your life, you fake it till you make it. Apparently someone needs to pass that along to the waiter we had last night at Pad Thai on campus corner. One of the dishes James was contemplating stated it had "chili" in it. James, being a vegetarian, wanted to make sure exactly what that meant (did that mean a bang of noodles covered in Hormel chili)? But Tweedle Dumb could not answer that. "Umm, meat? Ummm, i don't know. It's just regular chilli. Ummm, ummmm." Finally he pulled over another guy (the same metro-sexual whose underwear were hanging out all night), who explained that it wasn't actually chili, but chili peppers.
   James: Oh, i guess it should have said chillis -- with an s.
   Metro-sexual: Yeah, but the same guy who wrote the menu is the same guy who wrote the sign on the door that says "Now Taking Application."
   Point made!
   
3. Speaking of Burger King -- It's gross! I was craving a whopper the other day (i don't think i've had one since i worked there 13 years ago). I opt for a whopper junior meal. Of course, like any normal person, the first thing i do as i pull out the drive-thru is reach into the bag to grab a fry. Mistake! I had somehow forgotten how gross BK fries were. I don't understand that with all our technology, why can't BK figure out what Mickey D's is doing and make their fries better. Yeah, yeah, Mickey D's is probably frying their fries in beef fat, cat hair and meth, but i don't care, they are good -- and the King needs to get on the ball. (and don't even get me started on how undelicious that whopper jr. was).
   
4. The time has come. I'm officially old. So old that this weekend i will be at my 10-year high school reunion. I'm probably the only dork excited about going to their reunion. Probably because i have a lot of successes such as:
   --Only one baby daddy, and i married him (BEFORE we made babies).
   --i'm only a little plumper from high school -- and that's just b/c i'm almost 7 months pregnant.
   Ok, i guess those are the only successes that count at reunions! But seriously, i really am excited about seeing folks in real life vs. on Facebook. What i'm not excited about is how much i paid to go to this dang reunion. But oh well.
   
5. What's Re jamming this week? Well, i've rekindled my love for Eminem. I love the song "I love way you lie" ft. Rihanna. (of course Em throws a fit when his stuff is put on youtube, so you'll have to go to the link.
   

Who needs drugs when you have double rainbows!

I want whatever this guy is on!



And he speaks!

Chuck E. Cheese no longer pleases

Went to Chuck E. Cheese yesterday for my niece's birthday and all i can say is the kids today are missing out.

Now, little ReRe didn't have many trips to Chuck E. Cheese, BUT i went enough to get the experience, the experience of freaky animatronics dancing and singing (I preferred Showbiz). I was kind of scared and excited to relive this last night, but apparently the recession has impacted animatronics and instead the kids watch a performance on TV. What the heck?! That's ridiculous.

Of course the kids didn't know any better, and thought this was da bomb, but of course i had to burst their bubbles.

One little girl was losing her mind, screaming with excitement: "It's Chuck E! It's Chuck E." and pointing to the screen.

I leaned in and said:

"If you think this is cool, you should have saw it in the 80s!"

I wanna be a billionaire so frickin bad!

So the other day my boy Tim informed me that he saw some Cross Colours merchandise at the flea market? Remember Cross Colours?! We were too broke for Cross Colours, but now that i'm "rich" -- and by rich i mean i have wayyyyy more money in the bottom of my purse than we grew up with -- i think i might go to the flea market and pick me up some Cross Colours!

While i'm at it, i might buy a whole bunch of stuff we couldn't afford when i was little. This will be a sign that i have "arrived."
Here are a few things that are on my list to buy in the near future:

• K Swiss -- these were "the thing" to have in 7th grade. I had some generic ones from Payless. I finally got the real deal -- on clearance at Ross -- but by then they were no longer cool.
  
• Starter Jacket -- In 6th grade "the thing" was to wear a boy's starter jacket. Ryan Peacock let me wear his all the time!
  
• Puma shoes
  
• a Homies T-shirt -- i had a Hispanic math teacher who HATED these. I never understood why. To me it's like FUBU for Latinos!
  
• Guess jeans -- though i doubt they come in my size!
  
• A side-by-side fridge (with ice maker and water) -- to me this was a sign of rich folks. only rich people -- rich white people-- had these when i was little.
  
• Wheat bread -- again, only rich white folks ate wheat bread (at least that's what i thought growing up)
  
• Cereal in a box -- actually, i buy this now. My first box of Lucky Charms (NOT MARSHMALLOW MATEYS) was a real coup! i grew up eating cereal in the bag. My mama called it "knee cereal" b/c it's so low on the shelf that you have to get on your knees to get it.
  
• Trampoline -- all the rich kids had these (they also all had broken legs -- maybe i'll pass on this)

Now that i'll be all pimped out with my rich people stuff, it's time to do some rich people things:

• Wear my seat belt: when i was little the only people i knew who regularly did this were rich folks. Maybe we didn't do this cus we didn't always have seatbelts in our hoopties.
  
• Put bills in my name only: by the time i was 7, the water bill and light bill were in my name. This became a problem when at 20 i went down to the city to put my water bill in my name and they were confused b/c i had a bill i my name since 1988!
  
• Take my lunch to work: all i ever wanted to do in first grade was take my lunch to school. But we were too broke, plus i got free lunches at school so my mama didn't see the point. Well, now that i'm grown and "rich" i take my lunch to work every day! (but if my job offered free lunches, i'd totally apply!)

Potluck Friday

1. My favorite new way to spend my lunch hour is to go to the book store with my girl J-Loop and read the latest Twilight Book: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (don't judge, Cristina stop laughing and keep reading). I honestly look forward to this adventure every day. Yesterday was kind of a disappointment because 1) The books that we carefully hid in the history sections -- mine behind a Tom Brokaw book and J-Loop's behind a Colin Powell book (just in case the store sold out. we figured no teens would look in the history section)-- were GONE! Apparently the book store has people who work there who make sure only the books that belong on a particular shelf are there. We panicked, but only for a little bit because luckily there were still copies on display. But the disappointment returned when 2) chatty kathy decided to sit in the sofa chair across from us and talk to her husband about how "i don't want to take the grandkids to Toy Story 3. It's that computer generated stuff and well, i just don't like that." I felt my blood start to boil. Seriously? Does she not see me reading? Could she not have had this conversation while perusing the menopause books section? I grunted. Nothing. I even pretended to take a call from James and not so quietly said: "Baby, i'll have to call you back. I'm in the bookstore and it would be rude for me to sit across someone who is reading and talk on the phone." Still Nothing. She finally ended her call -- i think she could feel my eyes burning holes in her. She never looked up -- but i know she dreamed about me last night.
   
2. What's up with Sonic's commercials trying to bag on other fast-food places for not having the things that Sonic has? I mean, really, is it necessary to have a commercial saying "We have the footlong quarter pound coney, how bout you?" and then flashing over to Mickey D's, BK and Wendy's who don't have it. But why would any of those places have a foot long quarter pound coney anyway?! I'm just now to the point where i can eat burger from Mickey D's without being scared -- i'm not gonna eat a hot dog! How would Sonic like it if Red Lobster did a commercial bragging to Sonic: "We have cheddar bay biscuits and crab, how bout you?!" I also "love" sonic's commercial trying to bag on the Wendy's frosty. All it did was make me crave a frosty! Yeah, Sonic has real ice cream -- but you can get that anywhere. but Wendy's has the FROSTY! (No, i don't work for Wendy's, Red Lobster or any of the other places. And yes, i do love me some Sonic -- i just call it like i see it!)
   
3. Big Brother is back!!! This show just makes my summer. I'm pretty sure it makes baby Jesus cry because it's really humans at their worst -- and i love every second of it. The only thing I would change would be how often it comes on (Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday). I have a research paper to finish and a baby to prepare for -- it breaks my heart that those two things will have to take a backseat to Big Brother.
   
4. Am i the only one who was kind of excited about the news that there were Russian Spies here! It just reminded me of that movie with John Travolta and the guy who looks like the guy from Perfect Strangers but isn't that guy. i have no idea what the movie is called (or if that's really John Travolta in it), but i loved it.
   
5. What am i jamming this week? Drake's "Find your love." I love Drake!
   

Maybe a sign i'm not ready for a kid

Yesterday i made the mistake of strapping my purse into the cart at Wally World. Why was this a mistake? Because when it came time to leave, i couldn't figure out how to unhook my dang purse. I tried for 5 minutes and then had to go ask the door greeter to help me (in my defense, she struggled too). All i could think during this was: "OMG, what if this was River?! My kid would be freaking stuck in the basket!"

So after that incident, i've decided to rock it out old school style -- no seat belts or safety straps for my kid (it worked for me in the 80s -- look how good i turned out!)

I thought black folks just said that!

Yesterday, while enjoying a can of mixed nuts with my hubby, i grabbed a Brazil nut...and learned something new about white folks:

ReRe: You know this is called a nigga toe, don't cha?

James: Yea.

ReRe: (i was really shocked. I thought black folks were the only ones who called Brazil nuts this) Really? You grew up calling them nigga toes?

James: (kind of quiet) Well, we didn't say "nigga."

ReRe: OMG!!! James! I'm so blogging that tomorrow.

James: Baby! No! You are gonna have folks trying to kill me.

ReRe: No one will kill you, we'll blame it on your family!

Speaking of the fabulous Brazil nut. I went years before i figured out that the "N word" was actually a reference to black folks. The only context i'd ever heard it in was referring to Brazil Nuts (until one day a kid at daycare sang an inappropriate Christmas jingle with it in it, but that's another blog). One day while shopping at Buy For Less, i saw a beautiful display of Brazil Nuts. I ran over to them and started yelling: "Mom, mom! Look at all these nigga toes! We need to get us some nigga toes!"

My mom ran over so fast to cover my mouth. And that's when i learned that in public Brazil nuts are "Brazil Nuts."

Potluck Friday

I'm always happy when it's Friday, but happy does not describe how i feel about it today. Oh what a week!!!

1. Yes, that was me sitting in the theater opening day of Eclipse. Don't be jealous that my girl J-Loop won free tickets on the radio! It was AMAZING. Yeah, yeah. I know all the Twi-nerds are saying it's the best so far yada yada. But it really is. And it's not just a good Twilight movie, it's a good movie. I was impressed. I hope they keep this same director (this franchise changes directors more than Beyonce changes members of Destiny's Child). Of course, i still have some complaints:
   
   • Why oh why can't they just dye Rosalie's eyebrows? She looks like Madonna with that tacky blonde hair and big brown eye brows. Better yet, why can't they just let Rosalie have her naturally dark hair? Yeah, it's not in the book, but it's not also in the book that she's rocking out old-school 3 inch black eyebrows either.
     
   • Why does Jasper all of a sudden have a southern accent? Where the heck did that come from?
   • Jacob needs to be shirtless more. That's why i'm here people, to look at this half-naked 17 year-old shape shifting wolf. Work with me!
   • The more i watch, the more i'm convinced that Edward is the over-protective, hovering boyfriend that we would all want our daughters to stay away from. He reminds me of Fred Savage's character in the Lifetime movie, No one Would tell (where he kills DJ from Full House. sorry if i just ruined that for you).
     
     
2. While waiting for Eclipse to start, i saw the funniest trailer. It was for Step Up...wait for it... wait for it....3D. NO, I AM NOT KIDDING. Someone spent their daddy's hard -earned money to pay to make a tacky no-star filled 3D dancing movie. Haven't we seen enough of this with: Step Up 1, Step Up 2, Save the Last Dance, Honey, (i could go on). I'm all about movies where white girls prove they can shake it (heck, i have tons of friends who could star in these movies) but do we really need another one, and does it need to be in 3 FREAKING D?!
   
   
3. What ever happened to Bob the Builder? While scrolling through the toy aisle at Tar-jay the other day ( i like to prepare myself for the stuff i'm gonna have to buy River one day) i noticed that Bob the Builder was no where to be found. My best friend (aka Brown Girl or "Mexican") pointed out that Dora's friend Manny is all the rage now "and with the help of affirmative action, has replaced Bob the Builder." I am happy to report that i did find an array of black Barbie's that actually were my shade! Back in the day all the black Barbie's are what my momma would call "high-yellow." Examples of high yellow are my son, Halle Berry, my momma, one of my brothers. Basically it's house negroes. But Matel finally realized that the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.
   
   
4. I'm officially 6 months pregnant today!!! 3 more months and 18 more years to go!
   
   
5. What is Re jamming this week? My boy Justin Bieber!!!! (don't hate, or judge). It's Bieber's "Somebody to Love."