Potluck Friday!

Happy Friday!!!! the last Friday of 2011!

So, as many of you know, last weekend James and I kept our 3 nieces (ages 8, 5, and 4). It was a magical weekend of baking cookie, watching Disney Channel (which i didn't even know i had) and making up answers to tons of questions because the true answers just didn't seem to be cutting it.
There were tons of highlights from all 3 girls, but it was my youngest nieces who truly stole the show, and it would be just wrong for me not to share some of those gems with my loyal readers.

So, out of the mouth of a 4 year-old, here is a very special Potluck Friday:

1. Along with gingerbread cookies, the girls and I also made cake balls. Strawberry cake with cream cheese icing! so as i was pulling the cake from the oven, my sweet young niece blessed me with this:
   Niece: (standing behind me) That cakes smells good!
   Aunt Re: Thank you!
   Niece: But your butt doesn't! Come here girls (calling her sisters), come smell Aunt ReRe's butt.
   Aunt Re: Let's not! That's gross.
   Niece: (she bends over and points her butt at me) Your butt is bigger than mine. see?
   Aunt Re: Thanks...i had no clue!
   
2. The girls were just so intrigued by River's diaper changes. I got questioned about why he pooped his pants, why he did it so often and just WHY! Lil Niece was the most curious.
   Niece: What's wrong with River's belly button.
   Aunt Re: (i'm mid diaper change). Nothing is wrong with his belly button.
   Niece: Uh huh. It looks funny.
   Aunt Re (i realize she's not talking about his belly button): Oh, that's not his belly button. That's his private parts.
   Niece: Why does it look like that?
   Aunt Re: Because he's a boy.
   Niece (shuttering in disgust): Ugh!
   Aunt Re: hahaha! keep that attitude for as long as possible!
   
3. Lil Niece's curiosity with Riv's bathroom behavior did not stop there. While i was finishing the cake balls in the kitchen -- because the girls abandoned me when they realized that the dipping part sounded funner than it actually is -- i heard Uncle "Bames" having the strangest conversation.
   Uncle Bames: Poop is not a toy. Bring that poop back here.
   
   Before i knew it, Lil Niece was beside me in the kitchen, swinging around a walmart bag with a poopy diaper. You would have thought she had a bag full of money. she was so dang excited. So excited that she sang me a song.
   Niece: I got the poop! I got the poop! I got the poop! (she sang this several times while twirling the bag with joy....it's the little things!)
   
4. I don't know who she was proclaiming this to, but as Lil Niece was walking through the house, i heard her say (to no one in particular): Boogers are sticky like glue!
   

Please turn to Apps 3:16

Our new family Christmas tradition (new as in this year) is to read the Nativity Story before we open our gifts. We thought it would be a good way to further the message to our offspring that Christmas is not about 5,609 presents under the tree...or even cookies, but the birth of our savior.

So anywhoo, it's time to bust out the story, and this is the conversation that ensued -- further proof that we are too reliant on technology:

ReRe: Daddy, you wanna look up the Nativity story so we can read it and then we'll do gifts.
James: Yeah, but i'll have to unplug my phone first (his phone was playing Christmas Pandora)
ReRe: Why do you need your phone?
James: So I can pull up the Bible app.
ReRe: Just get a regular Bible.
James: We have those? Like a hard copy, printed out one?
ReRe: Umm....???? YEAH! Like 3 or 4 of them.

I tell them where they are ....where we've kept them the last 7 years of marriage.

James (carrying the Bible in his hand): this is what we'll use if our app ever goes down and we need to upload a new copy!

Geesh!

Potluck Friday

Happy Potluck Friday and Christmas Eve Eve!

1. This is an exciting day! I will have 6 extra feet running around my kitchen today. My 3 nieces are coming to spend the night and we are going to be baking up a storm. Part of me thinks i'm crazy, but the other part is so freaking excited (ask me at 10 p.m. which part i should have listened too!) Riv is so excited. Right now he's showing his excitement by screaming on the kitchen floor. Oh wait, that's not excitement. He's ticked because i wouldn't let him play with steak knife he spotted on the cabinet. Mean mommy.
   
2. Christmas has br0ught on some hilarious conversations with my hubby. While watching "Mike and Molly" this week (love that show! Big girls represent!) We were laughing at Mike rushing around trying to find a gift for Molly, who was dropping tons of hints...that he didn't pick up on. This is soooo James. After 8 years, he still has no clue what to get me for birthdays or Christmas, whereas i listen to him gab all year and have plenty of ideas when occasions come upon us. This year we decided to do a couple's gift -- a new laptop. So that saved James hunting for a gift for me:
   ReRe: Are you glad we did a couple's gift so you don't have to be like Mike
   James: Oh yeah.
   ReRe: Why does picking a gift for me make you so stressed.
   James: Because it's a lot of pressure. I want you to know that i've been listening to you all year and know exactly what you want or need......but i don't listen to you.
   
   At least he's honest!
   
3. Another Christmas gem of a conversation happened last night when i was guilting him about not getting around to putting lights on our house 2 years in a row (last year we had a 2 month old so i gave him an out, but there's no excuse for this year!). So as we pull out of our driveway, i point to the neighbors house across the street and start the guilting:
   ReRe: See, they have lights on their house. Sure is pretty. I wish someone would put lights on my house.
   James: Yeah, they have lights on their house. But that's not what Christmas is about. It's not about giant blow up reindeer with lights. Nope. They may have lights on their house...but we have lights in our heart! That's what it's about.
   ReRe: Did you seriously just say "lights in our hearts"?!
   James: Yep. Lights in our hearts.
   
   So we spent the rest of the evening driving by houses that had huge light displays and saying "Their hearts are dim inside. No lights in their hearts!" hahahhaa
   
4. Epic fail of the week goes to the "great" governor of Oklahoma, Mary Fallin. Clearly Mary has never had a sick newborn, or uncomplicated birth. That's the only reason i can think of that would explain why she thinks signing a bill that allows an insurance company to deny coverage to a newborn. Thank goodness this wasn't in effect when I had River, who spent a week in NICU. I've never been more grateful for insurance or realized the importance of it. We are still paying off our portion of the NICU bill (counting down the days until May 15th ...my last payment), i can't imagine if we would have been responsible for the whole enchilada. Fail Mary Fallin. this is reason #4,839 why Jari Askins should have won. Boo!
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? "Good Feeling" by Flo Rida
   
   

Color Me Sadd

Pandora needs to stop playing Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up" in the mornings when i'm trying to work out. I love the song too dang much to skip it, but it's just really not a good workout song. Why? For one it's too slow and i find myself slowing down on the elliptical or walking crazy slow on the track.And for two, i can't NOT sing the dang song...and i doubt 70 year-old dude on the track this morning appreciated me belting out "Come inside take off your coat, I'll make you feel at home..."

But honey badger don't care and i sang the whole dang song! It took me back to 1991...that was my jam. But listening to this song this morning made me realize two things:

1. It's very inappropriate that "I Wanna Sex You Up" was my jam in 1991...considering i was TEN years old!
   
2. And Bryan Abrams (lead singer dude who enjoys punching ladies in the face in Oklahoma City bars and became Color Me Sadd) sounds like a girl!

But despite those things...there is no denying that this song is the JAM!

(FUN RERE FACT: in 1992 i met Color Me Badd at Will Rogers Airport! I came in on a late night flight from visiting my daddy and they were there getting their luggage. I lost my mind!!! Besides marrying James and birthing the River Monster, this is definitely one of my proudest moments --i hear you judging me!)

Have a great day...and enjoy!

There's a white girl trapped inside me

Folks who know me well, know that there's not a creative bone in my body. I don't sew, paint, craft, do beadery, etc. There's a reason why God blessed me with a boy....he knows i'd lose my mind if i had to coordinate outfits with big headband bows! It just ain't my thang.

BUT motherhood has given me crafty impulses hear and there. I bought one of those icing bags so i could make homemade cupcakes for River's first birthday party. and i even painted him a shirt that said "BIRTHDAY BOY" with a giant pumpkin on the front. So yeah, i've had my moments. And i had another one of them this weekend.

Riv and i got crafty and made some very special Christmas ornaments for his PaPa and Grandmas. I'll admit that I was pretty darn proud of myself! Riv was proud of his mama too, so proud that "he" sent a text to Ms. T to tell her that his mama got crafty:

Riv: Look what my mama made!

Ms. T: Wow!

Riv: I know! Can you believe SHE got crafty?!

Ms. T: That's crazy. I knew there was a white girl trapped inside of her!

Riv: Next stop Pinterest!

No promises on the Pinterest thing! I don't know if my crafty flag is ready to fly quite that high. I think if Pinterest had a whole bunch of black folks on there it would be filled with recipes for collard greens (with and without neckbones), 101 ways to braid and bead your kid's hair and step-by-step directions on how to put your light bill in your 10 year-old's name....this was "crafting" was in my house!

Crap girls say!

This video is so funny....because it's so TRUE!

EVERYONE has Facebook!

We watched the following video at church yesterday and it made me smile, cry, laugh and get goosebumps all at once. LOVE it!

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!!!

1. So please explain to me why texting and driving is unsafe, but Norman PD on laptops and driving is safe? Actually, i understand why texting and driving is unsafe...but i'm still at a loss as to how our (wo)men and blue can justify how looking on a laptop while maneuvering down Flood Ave. is safe. I saw this with my own eyes this morning. Me and Mr. PoPo side by side going about 30 down flood. Every time i glanced his way, he was looking at his laptop, using one hand to drive, the other to tap on his computer. Me thinks this be unsafe.
   
2. I saw the preview for the best thing ever: Celebrity Wife Swap! Wait, it gets better...Flava Flav will be on it. 1) I didn't even know he had a wife (WHO married him!) and 2) I can't wait for him to order his new wife to polish all his clocks daily!
   
3. In the last two weeks i've received more evidence that i'm getting old. Both realizations came from two of the kiddos i work with. I was showing one of my Littles a picture of Riv dressed like Mr. T for Halloween.
   Little: Who is he supposed to be
   ReRe: Mr. T
   Little: Who is Mr. T?
   ReRe: You know, the guy from that old show The A Team. gold chains? Mohawk? Big black dude in army pants?
   Little: I've never heard of him.
   ReRe: Well, back in the day he was like...like The Rock. Super strong, tough guy.
   Little: The Rock? Ohhh, you mean that old wrestler dude?
   Geesh, even my "current" pop culture references are old
   
   And the later in the week i made a Pee-Wee Herman reference and a 14 year-old said "Who's that?" yet, she made a reference to the show "Good Times" ??? Um, ok?!
   
4. What's Riv doing right now as mommy blogs? He is shoving hand fulls of cheerios into the dog's mouth (these cheerios are ones he has already sucked on).
   
5. When i get married again (to James of course), i'm going to walk down the aisle to this song by Bruno Mars. I can't help but to smile and feel like a giddy girl in love when i hear it.
   
   
   

I'm dreaming of a black christmas

I'm going to my first Ugly Christmas Sweater Party...and i don't have anything to wear.

I've been told i can find an ugly Christmas sweater at a thrift store. but i'm too cheap for that. Yes, i'm two cheap to throw down $2-$5 on a sweater! Why? Because i can't grasp the idea of buying something that i wont' wear again for another 30 years. I figure if it's taken me 30 years to get invited to one of these, it will probably take me another 30 years to find an occasion to wear my sweater to again.

I'd never even heard of Ugly Christmas Sweater parties until a few years ago when i stumbled across the blog Stuff White People Like (love that blog!). It talked about along with hummus and political bumper stickers, white folks love them some Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties. I don't know if this is true or not (I personally love me some hummus), but i can attest that i don't know any brothas or sistas who have ever attended or thrown one of these.

This got me to thinking what are some other holiday differences between black folks and white folks. Of course i can only based this off my life as little black ReRe during Christmas (and some of the other info i've gathered at the black folk meetings):

• Black folks don't put lights on their house. It's not because we don't have the christmas cheer, but it's just a lot of work and for what? to draw attention to your house "hey OG&E, we found a way to bootleg electricity." "Hey car repo man...we are over here!." No thanks!
  
• Black kids don't leave out cookies for Santa. I "believed" in Santa in the sense that i thought he was magical and special...but i also knew he didn't come to our house and we weren't going to let some perfectly good Hydrox cookies (generic oreos) sit out all night long.
  
• We don't stuff stockings. I remember just drooling over the big tacky stockings in the grocery stores. the ones filled with just crap and wrapped in that weird mesh stuff. I'd beg and beg for one. My mama made it very clear that that stocking was a gift in its self, so i could have that big stocking full of crap, or my gift under the tree...my choice. The stocking became less appealing.
  
• Black folks put up their tree right before Christmas (sometimes day of) and take it down right before the 4th of July (or leave it up all year long). Again, it's just a lot of work to drag the sucker out and then put it back up. I used to envy all my friends who would have their trees up right after turkey day...and then i'd be embarrassed that our tree was still up during spring break.

I bet if River could read, he'd be happy to know that only half of these things are going to apply to him!

Happy Holidays (Oh No She Didn't!)

You know how you can tell it's time for Christmas?
No, not lighted trees?
No, not the smell of gingerbread?
Nope, not even the cards that have started arriving in the mail.

It's the "Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays" debates that screams it's that time of the year.

I've never understood the drama between the two. I'm a Christian. Love me some God. But if someone said "Happy Holidays" to me as I left a store, i wouldn't be offended and yell, "Heathen, how dare you take Christ out of Christmas." Wanna know a secret? I've actually opted for Happy Holidays cards over Merry Christmas ones. No, i wasn't trying to enrage Rush Limbaugh, i just preferred the Happy Holidays design.

Did the folks who i sent it too get enraged? I doubt it. and seriously, have you ever actually met anyone who refers to their Christmas Tree as a "holiday tree", "holiday stick" or "holiday bush?" I didn't think so. Heck, most folk i know just call it "the tree." They say: "putting up the tree." "Just got up the tree." "gotta take the tree down." Where's the outrage at this!

I worked retail for 5 looooonnnngggg years. And never once was i told that i couldn't say Merry Christmas. Heck, as long as i got my quota of Target credit card apps they could care less what i was saying. For all they know i was wishing folks a Merry Hitler day. Honey Badger don't care, and either did Target.

I find it comical that folks think not saying Merry Christmas is ruining the holiday. I find it comical that folks think non-Christians shouldn't put a tree, or exchange gifts. I don't have the Holy Book memorized, but i don't recall in verses talking about Jesus and Paul heading out on black friday, macing some lady for a Tickle Me Elmo and then rushing home to wrap all their loot and put it under the tree.

Actually, the Jesus i know and love is less concerned about whether folks are saying "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" and more concerned with how we are treating each other.

Of course this battle will return next year, and the year after, and the year after. There will continue to be 1,000 Facebook posts talking about how i have a CHRISTmas tree and CHRISTmas gifts, yada yada. And that's ok. Because it gives me something to blog about...and something for God to laugh at. Because honestly, if those of us who believe in Christ truly think he's stressing over how cashiers are bidding us farewell during the winter months, we need to hit the Book again.

Porta Potties: Havens for mommies

There are a few parenting tips from my mama that I logged in the back of my memory and i reference from time to time. I remember there were two things specifically that she always told me would happen once i became a parent: 1) You'll never get to eat your whole meal and 2) You'll never go to the bathroom by yourself

I never fully realized exactly what she meant. I didn't understand what being a parent had to do with eating your food or doing your business. But she was serious about it. One of her favorite things to scream and my bros and me (besides "i'll beat the black off ya") was "I could be eating Sh!t on a Shingle and You'd still want a bite." And she would not be laughing when she said that. I admit, my mama's ice water, baloney sandwich, and anything else she was eating always looked and tasted better than whatever i was eating ....even if it was the exact same thing.

But i still never grasped her bathroom rant....until NOW.

Before Riv was mobile, the bathroom was my haven. Hot baths, while reading gossip magazines. Prolonging a flush just to get some extra me time (if you are thinking it's sad that a potty break is "me time" then you don't have kids!). and showers! Showers were like an all-expense paid vacation to somewhere tropical.

But those days are LOOONNNGGG Gone. Now my showers are regularly interrupted by flying objects that make their way over the side.Yesterday i looked down and toddler sneaker had joined me in the shower, while its fully-clothed toddler owner was trying to climb in after it. He was not happy when i told him mama was on vacation and he did not have a valid passport and therefore could not change. Last week as i propped my leg on the edge of the tub to shave, i felt a prickle go across my toes and noticed a Cookie Monster toothbrush was scrubbing down my toes. The same toddler who tossed in a sneaker was apparently giving me a pedicure.

Have you ever tried doing your business while trying to keep a 31 inch person from climbing in the tub, pulling out chemicals from under the sink (daddy has still not fully baby proofed the house) and use the plunger as a walking cane? I've done all of those things...at the same time.

Why doesn't she just close or lock the bathroom door? Well, i could do that, and avoid a toothbrush scrub down. But my haven would still be interrupted by tiny fists pounding the door and screaming that he knows i'm in there and he's not leaving until i come out. And he means business.
Then there's the mommy guilt that comes when the pounding subsides, and you open the door to find that tiny person just laying in front of it looking pathetic. He acts like you were inside some cool club partying it up while he was denied entrance by the bouncer. He knows you were in the club doing cool stuff like unraveling all the toilet paper, playing with that prickly brush by the toilet and spraying windex on the walls.

and then there's the eating thing. Yes, i admit that i have sat in my car to eat food while james and River are inside the house because i know that if i go in, Riv will want a bite of whatever it is that i have. 99% of the time i share...but sometimes this mama wants to finish the last bite --- which is often the best bite.
My scrambled eggs, taco soup, cheerios and apples slices miraculously always taste better than River's.

I know my mama is getting a kick out of watching down on me and seeing all of her words of wisdom come true.

I'm BAAAACCCKKK!

Remember that girl with the funny blog? What happened to her? Well, i heard she had a crappy desktop computer that she'd have to get up uber early in the mornings to warm up and then pray that an hour later it would be working so she could blast out some funny. Sometimes it would be ready, and sometimes it wouldn't' :(

and then one early November morning she'd crafted a hilarious Potluck Friday and the computer froze. She lost her mind, yelling and screaming and maybe saying some potty words. She told her husband (who has a direct connection to Santa) that she needed a laptop and she would NOT be rambling until Santa brought her one.

Sooo, Santa recently made an early visit and dropped off a shiny HP and some WiFi and now that funny girl is back!

Here are some snippits of hilarity that have taken place in casa de Ramblings the last month:

• I was painting my toe nails last weekend and River was so intrigued by it. I'd stroke some paint on, and he'd rub it off with his finger. He just couldn't stay away from me. So me, being the open-minded mama i am, decided to paint his toe nails. So i sat him down and painted his first toe. He flipped out and was not a fan, so i wiped it off. "Well, he hates toe nail polish...he just passed the gay test," i told daddy. Daddy's quick response:" Wow, and mama just passed the 'I'm Sally Kern test.'" SLAM!
  
• My phone charger recently died, so i headed to the T-Mobile store for a new one. I searched high and low on the wall and displays, but could not find one for my phone. So i went and asked a worker.
  Me: I can't find a charger for my phone.
  Him: What kind is it?
  Me: I have a MyTouch (I pull it out)
  Him: Ugh....you have the OLD Mytouch.
  Me: (i'm confused. i got my phone when it came out, less than two years ago. it's not my fault technology changes faster than Kim Kardashian's husbands)
  
  He then digs through what i'm sure is an electronics trash can and hands me an unpackaged old blackberry charger that he said will work and i can have for free because i'm the only loser in the world still using the MyTouch that came out in 2010. He acted like i drove up in a Gremlin and wanted a new carburetor. Whatevs! my phone is fully charged and i didn't spend a dime!
  
• Last night i watched the most disturbing show: The Virgin Diaries. Apparently TLC has put their obsession with little people and folks with too many dang kids on hold to showcase 35 year old virgins. Don't get me wrong. Nothing wrong with being a 35 year-old virgin, but is it necessary to go on TV and let every body know our business?! Some highlights from the show was the chick who was a "reclaimed virgin." She said she'd slept with her past 7 boyfriends, but was now a reclaimed virgin. Umm, no, you are just a lady who has had a rough patch on the dating scene. I was also entertained by the dude who invited his mom over to tell her he was a virgin. Ummm, I never want to have that kind of openness with River...and that mother had the same feeling. But the BEST part of the show was the couple who was saving their first kiss for their wedding...again, that's your business, but a camera crew is not necessary. Stranger than the couple, were their friends and family who were just too interested in their first kiss and wedding night. But nothing, and i mean NOTHING can top their first kiss (i just wanna know why they thought this was how normal kissing is done. haven't they ever watched a movie, or gathered around their kissing friends in middle school to gawk. either one of those experiences should have told them that what they are doing in front of God, and their loved ones is NOT kissing):
  

Yes, This is very (T)Painful

Pretty sure this is the most disturbing toy on the market:



Seriously?! I don't even want to hear T Pain himself let alone a group of kids who sound like him. This is my official call to all rappers: Please put T Pain on your next release so he can stop selling toys at Target.

What's next? Akon inspired STD testing kit. 50 Cent surgery kit so you can take care of your own gun shot wounds. Lil Wayne grill kit....i'd totally buy anything Weezy inspired for River!

No meat? that just ain't right, suga!

I am convinced that black folks -- especially older black folks -- don't understand the concept of vegetarianism (i'm sure there are plenty of other folks who don't, but this is my blog, i'm black, so i'm talking about my peeps).

I of course an exception to this observation because being married to a skinny, white vegetarian for the last 6.5 years has opened my eyes. But again...i am an exception.

So how did i draw this conclusion that brothas and sistas don't understand the concept of not eating meat?

Well, it didn't just happened over night; i've observed many evidential incidences:

1. My mama used to always make James chicken, or things with chicken broth because "i know he doesn't eat meat." apparently to my mama, meat was only beef and pork.
   
   
2. My family reunion came to a silent halt in 2006 when one of my aunties loudly said "He can't eat the greens cus they have ham hocks in 'em?! What does he put in his greens then." This was a double whammy: i had to tell her that James doesn't eat greens.
   
   
3. My baby bro always refers to ground turkey (my preference), as "fake meat" and he thinks i make it because James is a vegetarian. He is his mama's child.
   

I got more evidence recently when i called my Southern daddy to ask him how to make gumbo with the fresh okra i recently acquired. Now, daddy knows James is a vegetarian. We recently spent a week in Virginia with him where he regularly offered James crab legs and ribs, and then caught himself. But i guess daddy didn't fully realize what a vegetarian is...or maybe he didn't think James was committed. That's the only think i can gather from this conversation:

Me: Hi daddy! i got some fresh okra and i want to make some gumbo, but don't know how.
Daddy: Hey sweet heart. It's easy! First you boil you down a chicken. get it tender and use that broth as your base.
Me: Well, i'm not going to use any meat because i want James to eat it.
Daddy ( i can tell he's confused): Oh, this is going to be hard then. Ok. instead of boiling some chicken, just get some chicken broth. Cook that up with some onions..
Me: Ok, i'll get some vegetable broth.
Daddy: Why not chicken?
Me: Because I want James to eat it too.
Daddy: He can't even it chicken broth?
Me: No, because it's still meat...just meat juice.
Daddy: Ok, well, i guess you can use the other broth...but i don't know how it will taste. Ok. So then throw in some onions and some sausage in your broth.
Me: Ok, i'll definitely throw in the onions. No sausage though. What other veggies do you put in besides the onions and okra?
Daddy: No sausage in gumbo?
Me: No daddy, sausage is meat.
Daddy: So yo aren't going to put in any shrimps probably?
Me: No, no shrimp, chicken, sausage or any other kind of meat.
Daddy: Well, i don't know how to tell you to make gumbo then.

I saw that this could go on and on, so i told him to start from the top -- sausage, chicken broth and all -- and i would edit the recipe myself.

The gumbo was Ok....it needed some meat!

Hair on my back, foot in my mouth

Whenever James or I do something for the River Monster (bathe him, feed him, care for him), we remind him that he better remember all of that when he's looking at nursing homes for us. We figure we are taking great care of him, so he should repay the favor. Makes sense, right?!

Well, apparently my lovely husband has really been thinking about his days in Shady Meadows -- or wherever River puts us up -- because we had this conversation earlier this week:

James: Do i have hair on my back?
ReRe: No.
James: Good. When I'm old, i hope River puts me in a nursing home that regularly shaves my body hair. I don't want to be one of those old dudes covered in hair. I want to look good, so i can have my pick of the ladies and not get stuck with the chick who just poops on herself.
ReRe: Ummm? Where am I? Won't i be in the nursing home with you? Why would you need your pick of the ladies if I'm there?
James: Yeah, yeah. You'll be there. But you'll have dementia. So....
ReRe: So, it's ok to date then? Ok. I gotcha. Thanks for the insight Pat Robertson!

So note to Riv: daddy wants to be in a home that regularly shaves his body hair.
Second not to Riv: daddy probably won't live long enough to see said nursing home, and mama may be in jail!

Potluck Friday

Happy TGIF!

1. Just got back from Zumba! i love me some zumba. I love it enough that i got every Friday at 5 freaking 45 in the morning! But you know what would be even cooler than Zumba? A class where all you did were wedding/family reunion group dances like the cupid shuffle and the electric slide. Heck, we could even throw in things like the tootsie roll and the butterfly. I think it would be a hit, especially for folks like me that can't help but do the tootsie roll anytime i hear the dang song. No matter where i am, if i hear the words "Cotton Candy, sweet to go, let me see that tootsie roll" i can't help but do the dance. my inner 13 year-old comes out and i must shuffle to the left and then right and the front and back and then slide baby slide! Please tell me i'm not alone!
   
   
2. So the River Monster is going as Mr. T for Halloween. Cheap and easy! Daddy thought about going as the white haired, cigar smoking dude. But that leaves mama out. The A-Team didn't have a hip cool black chick member. So i asked James what i should be and he suggested Whoopi. ???? "Um, what does Whoopi have to do with the A Team?" His response? "She's black and was around in the 70s." Um, ok?! I'll pass.
   
   
3. Speaking of the things that come out of James' mouth. The other day i was wearing a new pair of shorts that have the trendy manufactured rips in them. I looked hip...for a 30 year-old. I asked him how he thought i looked. His response: "Cute! I'm really in to the skanky look!" That man better be glad he's a good baby daddy!
   
   
4. Quote of the week from my fish stick burning Lil Bro: "Don't be jealous because i'm sexy!" This came after i told him how ghetto fabulous it is to walk around town with no shirt and his underwear showing. Maybe i'm just getting old, but "sexy" is the last thing that comes to mind when i see a grown man walking down the street shirtless! River doesn't even sport that outfit in public -- and babies are about the only folks who can pull that off (and Jacob from Twilight).
   
   
5. The new fall lineup has started. So instead of what's ReRe jamming this week, i'm gonna do "What's ReRe Watching." I'm watching Two Broke Girls. It's one of the only shows in a long time that has made me bust out some serious belly giggles!
   

Ghetto talk, by James

One of the many reasons i love James is because he embraces his goof-ballness. He's the ultimate white guy (not Weird Al white, but close) and isn't afraid to show it in a variety of ways.

For example, recently he displayed his ultra whiteness with some little Eminem-inspired riddles for me.

James: Baby.
ReRe: What.
James: Where does Eminem go on vacation?
ReRe: ( i knew the answer, but i let him humor me) Where?
James: To the Be-atch!
ReRe: Yeah...i've heard that one.
James: Who's Eminem's favorite cast member of Saved by the Bell?
ReRe: Huh?
James: Scree-actch!
ReRe: (i think i wet my pants laughing)
James: Who's Eminem's favorite member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
ReRe: ( i can't name any members, so i was stumped)
James: Flee-atch!

It went on and on...so much so that i think we were late for work. The best one by far was this gem:

James: What does Eminem brush his teeth with since he doesn't have a flip top mouth?

RE-ATCH!

Now that was a pants wetter!

Reason #4,590 why i shouldn't take River to Wal-Mart

I've told you guys how Riv attracts the crazies at Wal-Mart (remember crazy tomato lady?). Apparently this is not just a fluke, he really does get mommy into the craziest conversation.

The most recent event occurred last Friday. I was looking through the giant $5 DVD bin. Riv was in the basket, but close enough to grab DVD and throw them in our cart. He was having a blast and of course as adorable as can be. An older gentlemen -- old enough that he a Korean War Vet hat on --came up and started looking through the bin. He told me how cute Riv was, and then this conversation took place:

Vet: (pointing at Riv) I wish i had about 5 or 6 of them living with me.
ReRe: I just smiled and nodded (trying not to be a little freaked by his comment -- my job makes me leery of dudes who want 5 or 6 boys living with them).
Vet: I live alone and would love 5 or 6 of him at my house. I love kids.
ReRe: Little ones are lots of fun (oh great! now anyone listening to our convo thinks we are both creepo deepos)
Vet: My great-grandkids are my life. They are who i live for.
ReRe (feeling less freaked): That's sweet. Parenthood is amazing, but i hear being a grandparent is more so.
Vet: I love kids. and let me tell you, if i was in here and saw someone hitting or even yelling at someone his age or even older I would beat the Sh!t out of them. I would beat their faces in.
ReRe (freaked out again. I mean, i totally get what he's saying, and feel the same way, but wow, where did this convo just turn): Yeah....it's sad when folks mistreat children.
Vet: I'd beat the tar out of them. Beat their faces in. I'm 80, but i can take a 20 year-old. I did combat training in the war. I can take a 20 year-old like it's nothing.
ReRe: Awesome....have a good day!

I think hurried away to another section, only to have to return back to the DVD bin to put back the 15 copies of Weekend at Bernie's that Riv had put in our cart. Yes, Vet was still there. No, i didn't stop and talk.

Potluck Friday

Happy Potluck Friday!

1. Remember back in the day when you could count on a Potluck Friday EVERY Friday?! Well, if you miss those days and want to submit a complaint, the dude you need to gripe to is about 23 pounds, 33 inches and answers to the names : River, River Monster, Monster, Rivvy Riv, Sweet Face, Baby Boy, Fat Boy, Chunk Face and No!
   
   
2. Spandex looks good on no one. We can all agree on that. But i especially hate it on men. Ok, maybe you can pull off spandex biker shorts if you are um...riding a bike. But not if you are at the Y. And no, riding the stationary bike does not count. And you should be ashamed that you actually have words on the back of those shorts. I don't care if it says DuPont, it's still wrong. And using your sweaty towel to wipe down the machine is gross!
   
   
3. Speaking of my gym experiences, this morning in Zumba we danced to a Spanish song that had the beats to "Informer" by Snow! I don't know if it was a remake...because i don't speak Spanish, but i definitely recognized the beats.
   
   
4. This is my last Friday of my 20s. I'm going to party very differently than i'm sure i did on my first Friday in my 20s. Tonight i'm looking forward to grocery shopping, and maybe playing some checkers with my boys. Am i turning 30 next week or 75?!
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming? Well, this is a historic moment here on this lil ol blog, because the song i'm jamming is....A COUNTRY SONG! Thanks to my office mate, i just can't get enough of "Fish" by Craig Campbell!
   
   

James: The Black People Whisperer

It should be no surprise that after 8 years together, James has become well-versed in the world of black folks and black women. He knows to not ever splash my hair when we are swimming (heck, he knows to never touch my hair), he knows what ashy means, and he knows his vegetarian self should avoid all vegetables at my family reunions -- because there's a good chance there's a hamhock or some other piece of animal in it.

Knowing all of this about my husband, i still got a kick of him sharing his black folk knowledge in the last week through two interesting conversations.

Black Fact #1: Black Don't Crack

James: I met pretty cool guy at work today. We are going to hang out.
ReRe: Cool. How old is he.
James: Oh, i don't know. Maybe my age, maybe yours. He's a black guy and you can't ever tell how old black folks are cus black don't crack.
ReRe: True!

Black Fact #2: Black Folks eat Greens...not spinach

James and i recently spent a week in Westpointe, Virginia visiting my dad and step-mom. We had so much fun. I stuffed myself on southern food and sea food. James mostly ate cheerios and spaghetti. When we got back we went to visit James' mom to tel her about our trip and let River visit Grandma. I don't know how the subject of greens came up, but t was awesome hearing James try to explain what they were:

"Like salad?"
"No, greens, collard greens."
"Do you eat them cold."
"No, they are hot, usually with some pig fat in them."

This went back and forth, until finally I did the ultimate no-no -- comparing greens to their arch nemesis:

"They are like spinach, kind of. The black people version of spinach."

If Popeye was a brotha, he'd eat greens.

The end of an era

Soooo, the Oxford Dictionary has decided to remove "cassette tape" from the dictionary. Does this mean this is no longer a thing? That these are no longer words when put together? What's next, Pluto?

Yeah, cassette tapes are outdated (i still use a VCR to tape my soaps so i can totally see my self using a cassette tape), but just because something is outdated, should it automatically get the boot? Maybe. Maybe not. It sad enough that the younger generations won't know the sweet pleasures of listening to KJ 103 all day just so you can press Play Record when they FINALLY play your jam (it always ticked me off when the DJ would be talking during the song. I wanna hear Boyz II Men, not TJ and Tooker).

What i find funny is Oxford is axing cassette tape, but is adding: woot, jeggings and mankini.
Ok, i'll give them "woot" because I say it all the time. But Jeggings and Mankini? These things should have never been invented let alone acknowledged enough to be put in the dictionary. And what happens when they (hopefully soon) go out of style? Will Oxford remove them and replace them with the next terrible fad only worn by the Jonas Brothers?

I'm curious if Oxford lists the definition of "dictionary" because those are way more outdated than cassette tapes.

Bad Parenting

Just when i thought parenting couldn't get worse than the train wrecks on Toddlers & Tiaras, I discovered something even more disturbing: Dance Moms on Lifetime.

This show makes the parents on Toddlers & Tiaras look like saints. Dance Moms is the Octomom of TV shows. I don't know what's worse, Abby Lee -- the loud crazy dance instructor who screams at her 10 year-old students like they are the Real Housewives (i'm just waiting for her to throw a table at one of them) or the moms who actually let her yell at their kids like that. I guess these moms have high hopes that their daughters are going to be famous dancers, but let's be honest, there's only room for one J. Lo -- the Queen of Fly Girls -- , and besides Kevin Federline, can anyone even name a backup dancer? No!

The best episode was when Abby Lee dressed the dance group like, ummm, street walkers (complete with crimped hair -- and we all know that the only folks who crimp their hair after 1985 are street walkers) and set them up for a dance competition in Amishville Pennsylvania. Let's just say that their drop it like it's hot routine did NOT impress the judges -- but i hear R. Kelly called a few of the girls!

So wrong! So wrong!

But not as wrong as this:



or this:

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!!!

1. Yowza, it's been a LOOONGGG time since i've done a Potluck Friday. I'd like to blame River, but i can't. Truth is, it's me! I'm just so dang lazy/tired these days. But i feel refreshed this morning -- even after a 12 hour work day yesterday! So here ya go!
   
   
2. Is it just me, or am i the only who thinks Amy Winehouse died a long time ago and came back as Lady GaGa? I don't know much about either one of "them" so i could be wrong. But did anyone ever see them in the same room at the same time? I'm just saying this is a possibility. If the folks who work at the Daily Planet never figured out that Clark Kent was never around when Superman was, then it's possible that this has also gone unnoticed. Maybe Amy GaGa got tired of playing both roles. Something to think about!
   
   
3. It's Tax Free Weekend here in the great Sooner State. In theory this weekend is supposed to help folks save money while getting ready for Back to School (and stop them from all going to Texas and spending their money there), but in reality it makes absolutely no sense. School Supplies aren't even tax free...yet you can get a wedding dress tax free?! I mean, that's a good deal if you are a bride-to-be, but that does nothing for 1st Grade Billy who has to buy 4 boxes of markers, 3 notebooks, pens, pencil, and 19 boxes of kleenex. Well, i guess it's good for Billy if he's into drag and wants to be a show stopper in an Alfred Angelo wedding dress. You go boy!
   
   
4. New in the world of River: crawling (he prefers to do the Mowgli crawl from the Jungle Book), eating out of the dog bowls, getting on his belly so he can look under the fridge (i'm tempted to give him a broom or something), biting -- just mama, and....his man parts. He discovered them recently and they are clearly cooler than anything Fisher Price can make.
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? A LOT! There are some great songs out there. One of my faves is "Sure Thing" by Miguel. It's another one of those that just makes you wanna grab the one you love and cuddle up!
   
   

News that isn't

This just in: Ball pits at restaurants are full of germs and your kids can get sick.

Umm, if you are thinking “Duh!,” we are on the same page. That was my exact reaction when I heard that “newsflash” on the news yesterday. Anywhere that requires kids to take off their shoes and then swim around in a pool of plastic balls is going to be disgusting. Kids are gross, feet are gross, and I’m sure plastic balls are gross.

I learned first-hand back in 1997 just how nasty those balls pits are. I was working my first gig at Burger King and the owner came in one day and said the play area was going to close for about a week for a deep cleaning. At first we thought nothing of it, though it was strange because I worked there almost 2 years and this was the only closing for cleaning I ever witnessed. Well, the burger rumormill started spinning and apparently the story was our nighttime porter guy (the guy who came in after closing and scrubbed the grill and emptied out the fry grease) and one of the front counter girls – who was 2 pickles short of a junior whopper (there are only 2 pickles on a junior whopper, so that’s saying a lot) decided to take their “relationship” to the next level…in the ball pit.

They got caught because the owner had cameras installed all over the restaurant (he was concerned that all us grubby teenagers were not paying for our meals ---and he was right). Apparently grease guy and junior whopper girl didn’t realize that if boss man doesn’t want folks stealing in his chicken tenders, he probably doesn’t want them getting their freak on in the ball pit.

The funniest part: they weren’t fired!

I remember talking to junior whopper girl. I gave her my words of wisdom (well, as much as a 16 year-old could): The ball pit?! That is NOT romantic!

Oh, no he DIDN'T...

So some of my friends have been raving about this olive oil and sugar scrub that supposed to make your skin feel baby smooth. So Sunday morning I decided to give it a try ...and i was IMPRESSED! I told River "in your face buddy; i'm just as smooth as you." I admit i got a little carried away with the scrub and we ended up being 20 minutes late to church -- and this conversation ensued between my loving husband and me:

ReRe: We are so late to church.
James: If someone hadn't taken so much time scrubbing herself with olive oil and sugar we'd be on time.
ReRe: Hey! It was worth it. Did you feel how smooth I am? Feel my feet. They are so smooth. Jesus would wash these feet!
James: Well, yes he would...he did wash the feet of hookers.


You will be missed James
1976-Sunday, July 31, 2011 10:06 a.m.
Cause of death: his mouth!

A peak inside a Lunsford mind: peaceful

There's really nothing on TV Sunday afternoons. So this past Sunday, James and i found ourselves watching one of those dance movies. I don't know which one it was exactly, but let's just call it "Step Up, Because You Got Served in the Electric Boogaloo."

I think one of the guys from the 90s group Immature was in it. Anywhoo, after awhile I'd had enough and told James: Change the channel. You're too white and we're too old for this movie.

But it really got us thinking. Are there really folks out there that take dancing that serious? Are there really groups battling each other for street cred? I honestly like the idea of young folks battling each other with the cabbage patch and the percolator (do folks still do those) versus pulling out a gun. Can you imagine how much nicer the 10 o'clock news would be: Another dance war broke out in northeast Oklahoma City leaving two young black men served. They plan to battle again next Tuesday.

Imagine how peaceful the world is in the brain of a Lunsford!

Toddlers and Freak-aras

How do you know when you've been watching Toddlers & Tiaras too much? When you see a 7 year-old missing her two front teeth and you say "she looks like a meth addict; she needs a flipper."

Yep, that comment actually came out of my mouth the other day when i was watching the show and one of the contestants' moms opted for her daughter to perform with her own teeth. In a normal world, that would be just fine. A seven year old is supposed to be missing his/her front teeth. Bust out a pic of Little ReRe from 1988 and you can kick a field goal in my mouth. But in the Glitz word the snagga tooth look does NOT get you Miss Grand Supreme.

Ok, i'm stopping this post right now. Why? Because i'm ashamed that i know the following terms:

1. Flipper
2. Glitz
3. Miss Grand Supreme

Dang you TLC, Dang you!

Taking the fun out of apps!

I'm probably one of the rare smart phone users that's really not into all the apps. Besides using the Facebook App daily, i use my phone for the purpose that Zach Morris used his cell phone: to talk on it. (i also freeze time regularly, but that's another post).

But James on the other hand is the App King. He downloads all kinds of Apps. But unlike folks who download fun apps, you know the ones where you can take your picture and then add 300 pounds to your face, or the apps that sound like toots (my mama never allowed me to say the "f" word), or other fun apps, James downloads "smart people" apps.

For example, he's recently been obsessed with this muscle app that has a diagram of the body and gives you all these details about muscles and what they do blah blah blah. One app is called "Speed Anatomy" where he has to identify a body part or a muscle within so many seconds to advance to the next level. He has another called "Prognosis" where he gets a pretend patient and has to determine what interventions they need. He said "it's like playing doctor." And another app shows him how to do joint mobilization. Oh and Science Millionaire. I could go on.

Basically James' apps are the abacuses of apps. In other words: Lame! They are like the butterscothes of Halloween candy. In other words: grandma!

Is honesty always best?

I know it's not a eureka moment to realize that some songs just have dumb lyrics. Singer rhyme the most ridiculous things, say the dumbest things, etc. But this morning i heard the most ridiculous, dumb, and honestly, kind of offensive thing:

"Girl, i hope you don't take this the wrong way...but you look better with the lights off."


Ummm, OK? What lady wants to heart that...even if it's true. And what dude is dumb enough to think it's ok to say that...let alone SING it to someone?!

But honestly, am i surprised that the New Boyz thought this was a good idea? No. These dudes also think skinny jeans on brothas is a good idea. And they also feature Chris Brown in their song. Don't get me wrong, Chris is very talented -- but he's the last person anyone should call with ideas for a song on how to treat a lady or things to say to a lady.

But what do i know? Maybe the New Boyz are on to something. Maybe Honest Lyrics are the thing and we are going to start seeing all kinds of songs such as:

• I wanna love you down...for about 5 minutes and then i'm gonna watch Leno.
• Oh girl, i wanna take you home to my mama, but she still ain't gonna like ya
• Marry me, so i can get my green card
• I'm gonna ask you to go home before morning, just givin you a warning

Potluck Friday

TGIF!

1. I'm sorry i've been MIA on Potluck Friday recently. I have no excuses but laziness! Forgive me. Please?!
   
   
2. I want to wish a Happy 20th Birthday to Lil Bro! 20 years ago he came into this world causing ruckus. my mama had two very easy, no drama births prior to Lil Bro -- of course i was a piece of cake delivery because i'm precious and perfect and Middle Bro slid out in the front seat of the car..no joke! But Lil Bro was anything but easy. But he was worth the ruckus...and he still is. I heart you so much Jonathan. Happy Birthday sweet boy.
   
   
3. Is it ghetto-fabulous that River's toy chest includes the following: an empty Coke Zero bottle, and empty Red Diamond Ice Tea jug, and empty wipes container and an empty Enfamil container? Is it even ghettoer (or is more ghetto) that these are his favorite toys?
   
   
4. This is just your warning that I will be MIA for about a week in July. I'm having my good ol gallbladder removed. I heard it's all the rage with postpartum ladies. And a few weeks ago i thought i was about to be on that dumb show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" when i woke up with pains that took my back to the early morning of October 26, 2010 when i went into labor with River. The only thing different was that i knew i wasn't going to get a cute little baby in 16 hours. After some delicious IV pain meds and an ultra sound, it turns out i have gallstones (which by the way don't mix well with juicy hamburgers...or any tasty food for that matter), so i'm having it removed...and then enjoying a big ol plate of ribs!
   
   
5. Have you ever heard a song that makes you instantly wanna wrap your arms around the one you love and...well, umm, ya know?! Well, the song i'm jamming this week is that kinda song. It's "Motivation" by Kelly Rowland (the only girl Beyonce didn't kick out of Destiny's Child) featuring my boy Lil Wayne. (i love Weezy!)
   

My life on the wild side

So James and I recently got a Sam's membership. I initially thought we'd save tons of money on diapers -- but what i found out is just because it's at Sam's doesn't mean it's cheaper. So we still buy our diapers at Wally Word. But we are loving Sam's if for nothing but the samples! Is it sad that my favorite "date" is walking through Sam's with James. What makes it even better is that James is a vegetarian and a picky eater in general, so he doesn't like 99 percent of samples...so i get double!

Let me set the scene:

We stalk the best samples. If the sample lady is not ready (why does it take them so long? just set out the dang rotisserie chicken, it ain't gotta be an art display), we pretend to look at other things beside her. "Ooooh baby! look at these frozen peas!" "oh yeah, those look nice...all 66 pounds of them."

And then when she's ready, we SWOOP in.

ReRe: oooh, chicken! I didn't see these when i walked by earlier. Hey babe, here's some chicken i think you'd like!
James: (in his best meat-eater voice) Yum, that looks good.

We both grab chicken samples. I gobble mine. Once we round the corner and are out of ear shot of the sample lady (because she would even care), James always looks down at his sample and says the same thing: Oh my, i just remembered i don't eat meat. I guess you better eat this.

And i gobble his (well, i share with River)!

Now, you are probably laughing at me that i take my sample sneaking so seriously. Heck, the sample lady could probably care less if took two chicken wings instead of one. But i've lived a relatively low-key, no-trouble life (i live all the gangsta living up to my brothers), so this is my once a week to be a bad mamma jamma -- don't steal my thunder!

Potluck Friday

1. Do you know what today is? Nope, it’s not just Friday. Nope, it’s not just Potluck Friday. It’s the first day of Summer Fridays!!!! Summer Fridays means that my office closes at 3 p.m. every Friday until Labor Day! Jealous?! You should be! What What! But this also means that I have less time to do what I need to get done, so it will be a busy day…but oh so worth it to get off early!
   
   
2. So I went and saw Bridesmaids this week (if you are friends with me on Facebook, you know that I thought it was good--- some other(s) didn’t!). I think my favorite part of the whole movie was the cameo by Wilson Phillips. You can’t tell me that you don’t automatically sing aloud when you hear “Hold On”! And if you don’t sing out lout you are 1) lying or 2) not human. I think Wilson Phillips should be required to do a cameo in every movie!
   
   
   
3. Mornings out casa de ReRe-Ramblings are busy, but fun these days with Mr. Rivvy Riv in the house. They are so fun that James never wants them to change. I over heard him telling River this yesterday morning: River, when you’re 15, I still want you to come in our room in the mornings, lay across the bed while having your bottle and watch us get dress. Ummm, NOT gonna happen! (unless we move to Arkansas).
   
   
4. I just want to share that as i write this, i'm jamming to Hold On!!! I just couldn't help it! here it comes..wait for it it....Some day somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye....
   That is the JAM! but as i listen to the words, i've realized that it's a really "suck it up and stop being sad you big baby" message. Frasier Crane would not approve!
   
   
5. Other that Wilson Phillips, you know what else i'm jamming this week? A song with some of my favorite folks: "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull ft. Neyo (yeah!), Afrojack and Nayer. I actually shuck my booty to this song this morning in Zumba. Love it!
   
   

Just give me a dang drank!

You know what i CAN'T stand at a restaurant or food joint?
When they don't have the drink options clearly listed somewhere and so you ask "What do you have to drink." And the waiter/waitress replies "We have Coke products."

Ummm, that's means NOTHING to me! I haven't worked in fast food in 13 years, and even then i couldn't have named any other Coke product other than COKE. The only thing i know about "Coke Products" is that Dr. Pepper is not a Coke Product. And the only reason i know this because OU only had Mr. Pibb -- the poor man's Dr. Pepper. (RC is the poor man's Coke -- i, like most black folks, prefer RC Cola!).

Anywhoo.

Maybe i'm just ignorant and the only person in the world who doesn't have all the Coke products memorized. But is it seriously too hard to just freaking list the drink options.

Yesterday i had a stare down with the lady in the Subway Drive Thru. All of the drive thru window they have listed what my chip options are, my dressing options, cheese, dressings, veggies, etc. But no where did they have listed the drink options.

Samich Chick: What do you want to drink?
ReRe: What do you have?
Samich Chick: We have Coke products.
ReRe: Ok. What are they.

She then goes over to the drink spout -- cus SHE doesn't even have them memorized -- and reads them off to me.

ReRe: I'll take a Fruit Punch.
Samich Chick: We are out of that.

Diggity Dang!

Another adventure in parenting

Yesterday i spread a blanket on the floor for Riv so we could have some fun with blocks. He chewed on the blocks and threw them at the dogs while i tried to turn our play time into some learning time.
I'd hold up a letter block and tell him what the letter was and a word that started with that letter.

"B is for Baby!"

"E is for Egg!"

Then i got to N and for some reason the first word that popped in my head was Negro.

So there i sat, holding up a wood block with a green N and said "N is for Negro."

River cracked up!

A couple of hours later i noticed James was playing the same game.

He held up a block with an F on it, paused, and said "F is for Funky Fresh."

So just our luck someone is gonna ask Riv his name and he's going to say "Funky Fresh Negro."

There is a reason why James and I have never been invited as guest stars on Sesame Street!

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!!!

1. So this is the last Potluck Friday and my last blog post because apparently the world is going to end tomorrow -- and frankly i can think of a lot better things to be doing on my last day than sitting in front of the computer (no offense all of you World of Warcraft nerds, i mean lovers). Seriously though people, the world is not gonna end tomorrow. How do i know? Cus i have a direct line to God and he told me that the wack jobs or are saying tomorrow is the end would be the LAST people to know! So that's how i know we are all good!
   
   
2. Bagel lovers in Norman i have some EXCITING news. Old School Bagel Cafe is opening soon across the street from Norman High (where Blockbuster used to be)! It's about dang time the owners listened to me and opened in Norman, for pete's sake the opened in Stoolwater before they came here. But i digress. The important point is that we are getting one. If you haven't been to Old School, i highly recommend it. When i worked in the city i ate there on the regular. And every time i went to the counter to pick up my order i would say "Thank you, this would be even better if i could eat it in Norman." (this is also what i say when i pick up my food at Big Truck Tacos) . Finally someone listened! My only fear is that they didn't pick a great location. Yeah, Main Street is good in theory, but when you add hundreds of teens out for lunch at the same time every day that's just a mess. Maybe things have changed, but i remember when i was at Norman High and had no car my homies and I would just loiter at Grandy's and Carl's Junior (both of which are closed now) and would maybe buy 1 meal to share amongst 4 people! I got mad when some restaurants would put up signs like "Only 2 students per time" or "Must purchase own meal" etc. But i sooooooo get that now! But oh well, let's hope the kids of today are more respectful...or that they all are on diets so they can fit into their skinny jeans.
   
   
3. Why are people acting so surprised that The Terminator had an affair. Ummm, hello, he's a politician. This is NOT shocking or surprising. Well, maybe it's shocking because no one thought there was another woman on earth besides Maria Shriver who likes pillow talk that consists of spitting and screaming. But other than that I'm not surprised at all. And of course the news came out now. Arnold probably sent a dang press release. His run as governor is over and he probably wants to get back into the movies...what better way than a steamy affair with your maid?! Rumor has it he was planning a tiger's blood-induced crazy rant like Charlie Sheen, but he sees that really hasn't got Sheen so far, so he opted to go with revealing his affair.
   
   
4. Dear Glee, if you don't stop being all serious after school special and start make me start laughing I will stop watching you. Don't believe me? I stopped watching All My Children when they killed Leo and they are now being canceled (9 years later, but still!).
   
   
5. What's Re jamming this week? I'm jamming some Chris Brown's "Look at me now" ft. Lil Wayne and Busta. I LOVE Busta's part. It takes me back just hearing him. Busta is probably a grandpa, but the dude still has it!
   
   

Dis Lil Piggy

I am not ashamed to admit that I don't always remember which order the letters in the alphabet go and i don't know all of the words to some of the most popular nursery rhymes. I've discovered both of these things about myself in the past 7 months of motherhood. But you know what? River doesn't care! Why? Because he has no clue that "Elamenablah Q" is not a letter. So when i fumble or forget, i keep rocking it out like i'm a rockstar who just fell off the stage. And he doesn't care that "Mamas gonna buy you rocking bird" 1) doesn't exist 2) is not the correct words.

I think River actually prefers my made up rhymes better anyway. I've actually jazzed up quite a few of them. And i'd like to share one with you (feel free to use it with your kiddos -- just don't forget to give me my props):

The Three Lil Pigs
This lil piggy went up ova to shaniqua's house to see what's poppin
And this lil piggy stayed back at da crib
This lil piggy had some BBQ chicken, collard greens and cornbread and some red Kool-Aid
And this lil piggy had none cus his check don't come to the 1st of da month
And this lil piggy went whassup whassup whassup all the way up to River's chinny chin chin

This by far is Riv's favorite nursery rhyme. It might not be the best rhyme for everyone, so i encourage you to jazz it up to fit your kid. Here's an example for mamas who are on the "hoity toity" side

The Three Little Pigs
This little piggy sent her nanny to the went to the market in search of pesticide free, organic lettuce
And this little piggy stayed home to work out to her favorite Denise Austin abs video
This little piggy had half a turkey sandwich and four peanut M&Ms (but didn't write the M&Ms in her food journal
And this little piggy had none because her husband said he would buy her bigger boobs if she lost 15 pounds
And this little piggy went boohoo hooo as she watched the final episodes of Oprah

Back that boot scootin boogie up

I like to think of myself as the funniest, wittiest person around, but i think i may have met my match!
My friend Val is hilarious! I haven't known her long, but she's like my long-lost white twin. I call her my sister from another mister. Anytime she says something i crack up because it's so something i would have said or something i was thinking and she beat me to to the punch.

For example, the other day a group of girlfriends were having a conversation about the type of music we like. Now, from the outside, you'd never guess that Val likes old school gangsta rap (that's why you can't judge a book by it's cover). Anywhoo, we are all chatting about who likes country, who likes rock, etc. The conversation turned to modern country vs. the traditional (i had no clue there was a difference, it all sounds the same to me) said Val said something that really made me think:

"Modern country sucks donkey balls. And keep that crap off of top 40 radio. I don't call the country station and ask them to play the latest Jay Z. Keep your Lady Antebellum nonsense to yourselves!"

Amen! Don't get me wrong, i've found myself driving down the street humming some Taylor Swift, but that's only because the stupid song came on after my Lil Wayne jam. What's up with that.

Can you imagine calling the Twister and asking them to play 50 Cent or Dr. Dre? Hecks no, so why am i one minute droppin' it like it's hot, and the next talking about how i went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fu-manchu. It's just wrong!

You know what else is wrong? When this big mega dance clubs combine the country western side with the hip hop/rap side. Talk about awkward. For MANY reasons. You either get the great divide where each group of folks takes turns dancing, while the other group sits on the sidelines and snarls, OR (and i think this is worse) you get dudes out there in Wranglers doing the cha-cha slide or cupid shuffle. That makes my eyes burn!

I tip my hat (my cowboy hat) to Val for keeping my wit on its toes!

You say tomato, i say you crazy

If i didn't know me, i'd swear that half the stories on this blog were made up. It's kinda like how in a soap opera you have that one character who has come back from the dead, been kidnapped, had her baby daddy's DNA results switched with her brother, found out she had an evil twin and spent half a year in a coma and you can't help but wonder how the heck do folks expect you to believe ALL that crap would happen to one person?!

I'm sure some of you ask yourselves the same thing about me when i tell some of the random things strangers say to me. But i swear, it's all true. I even find myself avoiding strangers because i know there's no way i can explain yet another "random stranger said this to me" story. But for some reason strangers love saying the weirdest crap to me.

Take this past Sunday in Wally World for example:

James and i are in the produce sections grabbing our last few items before we head to our Mother's Day lake picnic. I'm carrying River (mistake #1, he is a weirdo magnet! well, he's so dang cute that he attracts everyone, but weirdos love him) and checking out the tomatoes.
A normal looking lady walks up and starts looking at the tomatoes too. The maters were actually really nice looking, which i guess inspired her to share some randomness with me:

Crazy tomato lady: These look good!
ReRe: Yea, they actually do.
Crazy tomato lady: My grandpa used to grow the biggest, best tomatoes. My mom would just go out to the garden with a salt shaker, grab a tomato and eat it up right there in the garden.
ReRe: I bet that was nice!
Crazy tomato lady: Well, not really. He was an abusive man who beat the crap out of her daily and withheld food so tomatoes were actually the only thing she really ate.
ReRe (i just stare blankly at her. i have no clue what to say for awhile): Man...that sucks.
Crazy tomato lady: Yea...but the tomatoes were gorgeous.

Seriously?!

I either need to stop taking River to the grocery store or stop wearing my "I like to blog about your craziness, please come talk to me" shirt.

Potluck Friday

Happy Friday!

1. So i had every intention of getting up and watching the Royal Wedding. But clearly i don't know anything about time differences (besides East Coast is one hour ahead of me and West Coast is 2 hours behind me) so i when i got up at 6 a.m. i was so freaking confused that the wedding was over. My first thought was "who the heck gets married this freaking early in the morning?!" But apparently England's time is WAYYY different! Oh well, i've seen the highlights: Katie's dress was amazing and she looked gorgeous.
   
   Some of my thoughts on the event: Why is she now being called Princess "Katherine?" Yesterday it was fine to call her Kate or Katie, but now she's Katherine? Did she have to sign some kinda deal with the queen that she'd never go by the common name of Kate or Katie again? I still go by Princess ReRe. Another thing i noticed are all the big ugly hats the ladies (even the reporters covering the wedding) are sporting. Is that some kind of English wedding law? And if it is, those Brits need to get some lessons from some of my kin folks cus old British ladies WISH they could pull off a hat like a little old black church lady
   
   
2. James works with the elderly. And if you know one thing about the elderly it's that they just say what's on their mind. If you are fat, they are gonna tell ya. If they don't like ya, they are gonna tell ya. If they don't like Mexicans, they are gonna tell ya. So recently he was working with an elderly man. James pulled out his phone to read some notes and the man saw a pic of River and asked whose baby that was. James said it was his son and showed him a picture of both River and me. About 40 minutes later, the patient asked "It don't bother you being married to a black woman?" James asked him why it would bother him, but the patient just sputtered and said "i don't know" and changed the subject. I personally think James should have had a better response. Maybe something like:
   
   --Yes, it annoys the crap out of me. I've been waiting for the antifreeze to work for 6 years
   --She's BLACK?!
   --That's not a woman, that's a man. I love me some brothas.
   
   I can't wait until i'm old and can just say whatever the crap i want.
   
   
3. Speaking of old people who think they can say whatever the heck they want. Oklahoma's Sally Kern is at it again. I don't know why folks are acting like it's news that old Sally has said something dumb. This is the same woman who said the dudes from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and Neil Patrick Harris were bigger threats than Osama Bin Laden. Clearly she has never watched anything on Bravo! If she had, she'd realize we need MORE Andy Cohens in our life and less...um...Sally Kerns. Her recent diarrhea of the mouth was a comment talking about how women and blacks don't work hard. Well booyah Sally, i'm black AND a woman, and i'm one of the hardest working folks i know. So put that in your denture cream and suck it!
   
   
4. Graduation count down is here! In about 2 weeks, yours truly will be honored with her Master's in Public Administration (emphasis in Nonprofit Management) -- well, as long as i get through this next week of papers! I'm so excited!
   
   
5. What's ReRe jamming this week? It's "Down On Me" by Jeremih and 50 Cent.
   

Oh, so that's where babies are made!

I'll admit it. I have a cute kid. Even if he wasn't mine, i'd still think he was a cutie patootie. I also admit that our shopping trips take at least a half-hour longer because folks want to oogle him. We get the expected comments "He's so cute" "look at those big brown eyes" "i love his hair" etc.

But we got the strangest comment/conversation during a recent shopping trip. River and I were perusing the pharmacy section while James waited on a prescription. A guy who could probably replace Bernie Mac in the Kings of Comedy smiled at me a few times and nodded at River. He mumbled. Most folks wouldn't have known what he said, but since I have a lot of uncles (and a daddy) who could be members of the Kings of Comedy, i speak southern-drawl-black man. He was saying River was a good looking young man.

When James walked up to us, Pharmacy Bernie Mac gave James a fist bump (i was proud that James knew what to do!). While fist bumping, Bernie Mac said:

That's a good looking boy you got there. You didn't get him from Wal-Mart. Nope, that kid was made in the bedroom!

And then he did a creepy grunt/giggle.

How do you respond to that?! James, who doesn't speak southern-drawl-black man, didn't think he heard him correctly. But oh yeah, that's what he said.

So yes ladies and gents, you do not get Rivers at Wally World. They are strictly made in the bedroom.